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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be concerned about a man sitting outside my house for the past 5 hours?

296 replies

Whitechocolatetoblerone · 17/09/2015 13:41

As title.

I was making breakfast before I dashed out to work at 7.55 pm and a car with blacked out windows parks up on the pavement outside. A man sat there with an iPad.

I have just returned home for lunch 5.5 hours later and he is still here, still sat in the car with iPad. I am here on my own for the next few days as DP is away and it is freaking me out. It is a residential street but quiet as we are in the country.

Should I approach him?

OP posts:
ScarletRuby · 18/09/2015 22:27

Rather than whipping yourself into a frenzy and reporting someone who hasn't actually committed a crime, I don't understand why you just didn't go and ask him if everything was ok?

wowfudge · 18/09/2015 22:28

There are some really nasty, snide comments on this thread.

My DP is away during the week - I feel safer at home on my own with the doors locked and the alarm on. I would have found this weird too. I probably wouldn't have waited eight hours before calling 101.

TamaraLamara · 18/09/2015 22:40

Finding it weird is one thing: it is a bit weird, after all. Most people tend not to choose to sit in cars on thrir own for hour upon hour. For whatever reason (shame over job loss, suspected affair of partner, DWP stake-out, etc), the inhabitant of the car did elect to spend their day in a slightly odd way.

But for it to terrify the OP to the extent that she's convinced that the car had fake plates (despite the police not actually saying that) and that the driver stared into her house all day (although she was out for a large part of the day so is filling in the gaps with guesswork) and logged her movements isn't rational. Not, for that matter, are the people stoking her anxiety by helpfully alluding to media reports about murder.

MotherOfFlagons · 18/09/2015 22:45

white This is the thing I find hard to understand and possibly why you have had some harsh responses.

Why did you feel so scared, upset, paranoid? You had no idea what this person was doing and while it was reasonable to wonder what was going on, do you think your panicky terrified updates made it look like you were just being a bit melodramatic?

Do you really think he was staring into your house? How much do you think he could see in daylight outside?

In all honesty, I think you have done a good job of freaking yourself out, not helped by some people posting details of crimes against women alone at home.

MotherOfFlagons · 18/09/2015 22:46

tamara X post. Great minds!

wowfudge · 18/09/2015 22:51

Well we now know the car was very close to the house - anyone parked outside ours would be twenty feet away. Given the person she spoke to couldn't find the number plates, it's a reasonable to think they were fake. I don't think the OP seemed overly anxious.

Original poster
Whitechocolatetoblerone · 18/09/2015 22:53

Oh purlease- do sod off those being drama queens themselves in saying that I have repeatedly posted I'm 'terrified' on no post on this thread have I used the word 'terrified' or said I think he's trying to kill me. Stop trying to jump on the same imaginary bandwagon to justify your bitchiness.

I said I found it a bit disconcerning and it was worrying. I posted updates because quite a few posters asked me to.

OP posts:
CantAffordtoLive · 18/09/2015 22:59

OP. I think you were quite justified to wonder what the hell he was doing and to report him. Please take no notice of the 'goaders'. They need to find better ways of amusing themselves. :)

TamaraLamara · 18/09/2015 23:01

My appogies, OP: I interpreted "crapping myself" as an expression alluding to fear rather than merely being 'disconcerted'.

Sockattack · 18/09/2015 23:14

Fucking hell some posters need to get a grip.

The OP however doesn't need to! I've had the police tell me a plate not recognised

ScarletRuby · 18/09/2015 23:25

Again, I shall ask why you just didn't go out and ask him?

MotherOfFlagons · 18/09/2015 23:26

Losing patience.

The OP has repeatedly described herself as 'anxious', 'creeped out', 'paranoid', crapping herself' and made it pretty clear she is scared of the fact someone has parked in the street outside her house doing absolutely nothing.

Honestly, watching this thread has been like watching people deliberately and otherwise whip each other up into a frenzy of fear over NOTHING.

For god's sake. Get a grip.

It's fine to be vigilant, it's not fine to let yourself be scared in your own home because someone parked outside.

NegativeIron · 18/09/2015 23:34

Well, OP, I wouldn't like it. And no matter how often I told myself I was being irrational, I still wouldn't like it. And I would want my DH to talk to and bring me a cup of tea and tell me I was bring stupid.

So you have my sympathy and empathy and here is a Brew.

shadowfax07 · 18/09/2015 23:52

OP, is it possible that he was looking in his passenger's side wing mirror, when you thought he was looking into your dining room?

I agree with certain PP, you've been given an unnecessarily hard time on this thread, I'd be (and have been) disconcerted too.

ohtheholidays · 19/09/2015 01:02

YANBU,I'm glad your okay OP.I'd have done the same and DH is in the Police force and he says you did the right thing.They'd rather you reported something that seemed strange and was worrying you especially if your alone rather than leaving it and god forbid anything awful happening.

We've had similar happen where we live,one was a drug dealer and one was watching people's pedigree dogs,to try and steal them the rotten bastards.DH rang 999 straight away and luckily they caught the dealer and the car full of the bastards that were trying to snatch peoples pets.

Did you let your DH know?

ML29 · 19/09/2015 07:03

YANBU at all, it is certainly unusual to sit in a parked car for hours on end, while it may not have had anything to do with you, you would never forgive yourself if you didn't report it and something happened to someone else.

How many times have we heard of people being stalked and murdered in broad daylight, he could even have been contemplating suicide, any number of possibilities .

You only have to read the recent news about that young Mum murdered in her own home, by someone hanging around on the street for ages before hand to realise it is better to err on the side of caution than not to.

rainbowstardrops · 19/09/2015 07:53

I don't think you over-reacted at all OP and I think some people on here have been vile. I sincerely hope they're not as cold and unsympathetic in RL Hmm
I've experienced this before and it totally unsettled me too. I live in a relatively well used road but it sounds like you're much more isolated. Do you have neighbours? If so, I'd mention it to them too. Just in case!

TenForward82 · 19/09/2015 10:04

OP now rewriting posting history to seem cool as a cucumber.

Anyway, gotta go, there's a cat outside my house that I think is plotting to steal all my silverware.

Merguez · 19/09/2015 10:22

I live at the end of a remote country land. People quite often come and park their cars near my house - to deal drugs, get romantic, or catch up on their paperwork on their iPad. In the daytime and at night.

I just go and ask them what they are doing and they usually bugger off if they are up to no good.

Merguez · 19/09/2015 10:22

lane not land

TendonQueen · 19/09/2015 10:28

BertrandRussell Yep, all you have to offer is being patronising and dismissive to others. Glad to see you've confirmed it. That seems to be the purpose of quite a few posts on the thread though.

SunnysideDownunder · 19/09/2015 10:59

Try not to worry too much about the 'untraceable' number plates. When I worked for HMRC the vehicles that we used were not in the system. He was probably someone checking up on a tip off from the general public. I'm not sure what warranted 8 hours though. We were always told to be discrete when doing surveillance visits so he's probably checking out someone else in the street and not you.

IKnowIAmButWhatAreYou · 19/09/2015 13:06

How many times have we heard of people being stalked and murdered in broad daylight

Not many TBH, it's pretty rare in this country.

BertrandRussell · 19/09/2015 18:12

TendonQueen- not sure why you've singled me out for opprobrium- I'm not alone, you know!

Atenco · 19/09/2015 19:31

Well I have very good nerves myself and little imagination, but I would have been upset by the situation the OP was in and I don't think the idea of going and asking him was necessarily sensible.

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