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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Or am I just a heartless cow-bag?!

388 replies

MadHattersWineParty · 15/09/2015 09:51

Okay so this is trivial but I am still pissed off and I need a good old rant about it.

Out at a gig last night, obviously a tense undercurrent between two of the people there who are a couple and live together. I'll call them Chris and Lisa.

I was trying to actually enjoy myself and listen to the bloody band sp I didn't want to get embroiled in it, they argue a lot and the tension is really obvious at times.

Anyway to cut a long story a bit shorter, when it was time to leave she was nowhere to be found. Apparently though she had text Chris to say she was leaving us to it. Chris didn't seem bothered, the other member of the group (Dave) was getting concerned as she wouldn't answer her phone.

Now, she has serious form for flouncing off. Earlier this year she did it when we were abroad and informed us she was going to walk the five miles back to the hotel by herself along this little unlit road. Cue us all cutting short our night to get into a taxi and drive along until we found her.

The tube stop that would get her directly home was five minutes walk away, so I sent her a text to say text me when she got in. She didn't read it so I assumed it hadn't come through as she was on the tube. Anyway after about ten minutes Dave (whose own girlfriend couldn't make it as was ill at home in bed) gets a call to say she had been walking for ages and was in a strange part of town.

So I said, well she's obviously just trying to make a point now and get us all to worry about her. She didn't magic herself to a strange part of town, did she, when she could have just gone around the corner to the nearest station.

As I get up for work at 6am and it's now nearing midnight, I said I'd had enough. She wasn't drunk, she had money on her. I left her a voicemail to say get to the nearest station, or get a taxi if you have to, get home and drop me a text when you're there.

Anyway Chris is useless and is now drunk and says he's just going to go home. Dave says I'm being heartless and he's really worried about Lisa (he is now the only person she will answer the phone to as he's the only one indulging her at this point!) I said if he wants to go and get her that was up to him but she's perfectly capable and in my opinion acting really immaturely. During the course of this discussion (everywhere is shut now so we're just outside, and I just want to get home) she texts to say it's alright, she's on her way home but there are drunk people on the night bus and she feels vulnerable. I leave a message for Chris to meet her off the bus, which he apparently did. So Dave talks to her on the phone until she's back and texts me at 1:45am to say she's now back safely but he couldn't believe, as a 'fellow woman' that I'd been so bloody unsympathetic to her and how would I have liked to be in her shoes?!

Isn't it all a bit childish though, this flouncing off and expecting people to run around fretting and picking up the pieces? Or am I really just a crap mate?! we are all nearly thirty for God's sake!

OP posts:
Bogeyface · 16/09/2015 15:38

I can see why Dave fell for it.

Some men just see what is in front of them, because they are nice men with no "side" to them they dont consider whether the drama llama might be manipulating them. They would do it so they dont think that anyone else would. Sounds like his GF has the right idea, and once he adds up what everyone is saying the penny may well drop.

I know a "dave" and a "lisa" except that Dave in this actually really fancies Lisa and doesnt see that Lisa is using him and that Daves GF is so utterly sick of it and is planning on leaving him. Dave will end up without his GF and Lisa wont be his GF as she prefers having him as her fall back "best friend" (yeah right).

Bogeyface · 16/09/2015 15:39

They wouldn't do it so they dont think that anyone else would

Nabootique · 16/09/2015 15:48

Did you post what FuckYouChris said? Ugh. It must be so tempting to just give her a bit of a slap.

ExasperatedAlmostAlways · 16/09/2015 15:53

No yanbu or heartless. She sounds like a total attention seeking, drama Queen and needs to grow up.

If she felt vulnerable alone on the night bus she shouldn't of blooming took off ON HER OWN! If she were my friend, I'd actually be telling her she needs to stop causing so much drama on nights out and flouncing off on her own then expecting others to rush after her.

pictish · 16/09/2015 15:53

God what a tedious woman. She loves to star in a drama doesn't she? The facebook status says it all.
Well I'm with you - sod pandering to that nonsense.

DoJo · 16/09/2015 16:02

Perhaps a pre-emptive text would be in order along the lines of 'I'm sure you understand that what happened last weekend was a very frustrating way for everyone's evening to end, so please think about that if you find yourself wanting to leave early on Saturday. Dave doesn't deserve to have his birthday ruined by another dramatic exit on your part and we could all do without the hassle of you stomping off again.'

Too on the nose?! Grin

JeffreysMummyIsCross · 16/09/2015 16:12

I'm afraid, for me, it would either be a pre-emptive strike as DoJo suggests, or I would be rethinking my social circle. This is the behaviour of a teenager, not someone who's nearly 30. While the Daves of this world might find it endearing, most of us prefer not to have our hard-earned leisure and holiday time ruined by an attention-seeking womanchild.

PineappleParty · 16/09/2015 16:12

Urgh she sounds exhausting to know, what a drama queen! I wouldn't be able to resist replying again saying: well you chose walk and then to take that ridiculous route home, when you could of just got on the train.

I can't believe people in your group like Dave, still run around after her, how is everyone not bored/sick of this behaviour!

Fluffycloudland77 · 16/09/2015 16:25

You've all got years of this ahead of you too. It's exhausting dealing with people who never got past 13.

You have to update after the birthday night out. Mumsnet expects.

WhoTheFIsJeff · 16/09/2015 16:40

Oh god, so you're going to have to go through this all again this weekend. How bloody tedious.

FantasticButtocks · 16/09/2015 17:50

Dave is being reeled in like a wriggly fish. She is clearly taking on some kind of victim role in order to get Dave to be her rescuer. Even if he is loved up with his gf that only encourages won't stop her. She sounds like she enjoys being a victim and is utterly self-absorbed with it.

I don't 'do' stuff like that on FB, but if I did Grin I'd post: Why did you choose to leave without saying goodbye? and why did you choose such a bizarre and long route home? Did you mean to make the evening all about you?

Fluffycloudland77 · 16/09/2015 17:56

"Good for you" clearly means "fuck you" too. Dave's being a muppet.

No sane woman flounces off on her own at night then takes the most difficult route possible to get home.

Marcelinewhyareyousomean · 16/09/2015 18:03

Any invitation for Dave's 30th should be accompanied by a pragmatic flounce agreement. She sounds tedious.

MadHattersWineParty · 17/09/2015 11:57

I haven't put anything else in response to her stays in afraid (although I am ITCHING to!)

So Saturday night will be interesting. Dave's girlfriend will be there obviously and has done 90% of the organising, and surely it takes a real piece of work to attempt to get all the attention on yourself at someone else's milestone birthday party!

Naturally, I will update Grin

OP posts:
MissEeerie · 17/09/2015 13:42

Is it sad I can't wait until Saturday?

WhoTheFIsJeff · 17/09/2015 13:55

Not at all! Please update op, this thread is brilliant.

PassiveAgressiveQueen · 17/09/2015 14:17

Is it sad I can't wait until Saturday?

surely we wont here till Sunday.

you need to get Dave's GF onside, telling him that in no uncertain terms is he to go running after her if she pulls her stupid stunts, if her own boyfriend doesn't bother why should he?

ihatethecold · 17/09/2015 15:58

budge up MissEeerie
another saddo here!

paulapompom · 17/09/2015 16:23

Omg! She really sounds like she has a problem. She's not even embarrassed to have flounced and wandered, she is posting 'poor me' messages on fb! Bloody Hell.

Hmm not sure I have loads of sympathy for daft Dave, as he was bit mean to you OP, for not running after the flouncing Floozy.

But feel very bad for Dave's GF, who sounds very nice.

.

StayWithMe · 17/09/2015 17:17

Blatantly place marking for Saturday/Sunday. Smile

dustarr73 · 17/09/2015 17:54

What you need to do on Saturday op is give "Lisa" a map and a compass so she has the tools to get home safely.Smile

paulapompom · 17/09/2015 21:23

Laughing at 'map and compass' Grin. And maybe some water and Kendal mint cake in case she has to trek for miles again!

Bogeyface · 17/09/2015 21:44

And a tube map with a big arrow and the words "YOU LIVE HERE!!!!!" pointing towards the station nearest her home! You could also have "YOU DO NOT LIVE HERE!!!!" pointing towards where she ended up after her flounce :o

MadHattersWineParty · 18/09/2015 10:36

Like this? Grin

Or am I just a heartless cow-bag?!
OP posts:
tiredvommachine · 18/09/2015 10:38

Do it! You know it makes sense Grin

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