To leave my 3 and 5 year olds downstairs while I take a nap?

[Snossidge]

Basically the kids were all up at 6am today, 1 year old wanted a nap by 9am and I had a bit of a hangover. 3 and 5 year olds just wanted to play lego and watch Adventure Time.

Was I unreasonable to leave them alone for an hour while I napped upstairs?

YABU.

So you were hungover - tough shit, sorry! Suck it up, deal with it and look after your kids as is your responsibility. Self-indulgent naps aren't something you get when you have sole charge of your children.

Firstly kids are well supervised at nursery a and. Are not left entirely on their own for an hour while the teacher and TA nap.

Pulling a TV on themseleves maybe a small risk but it's a risk. I dont leave my kids unattended while I nap in another part/floor of the house. While my kids were an age where they didn't sleep through, we had a baby monitor so we could hear them and (due to a history sids in the family) a breathing monitor mat.

I don't have things on their room they could pull on themselves either.

I wasn't directly comparing the situations Bunnyjo, just pointing out that there is a general expectation that at the age of 3 most children can play with small toys without an adult watching them.

Do other people leave their small children while they take a shower or hang out laundry? Mine are 2.11 and 4.10 and I've been doing both occasionally for a few months now. My house is small, doesn't have an upstairs and I always leave the bathroom door open if I'm showering, or the back door if I'm hanging out washing. But there's always Lego out.

I am shocked by the tales of children eating dishwasher tablets though. Even a slacker like me ALWAYS keeps stuff like that locked up and out of reach!

I am very very far from a helicopter parent.

On this one, even I'm afraid I think YABU. It's shit having little ones when you're tired/ill etc but them is the breaks (and I had 3 under 4 so know of what I speak

DH once opened our front door to a hysterical neighbour whose 3yr old DD (also hysterical) was covered in blood. Ambulance job, facial scar, the works. Mother had turned her back to do something, her DD had literally just fallen over her own feet and somehow bitten her mouth/banged face on the floor. Her Dd was so hysterical she couldn't even explain what had happened.

Yes of course these things happen all the time and your presence itself doesn't prevent them, but if they do happen it's better that you are supervising, or at least awake. I'm pretty sure if my neighbour had been having a "relaxing nap" upstairs, she would have had a visit from social services. Do I win by mentioning social services first?

I look back at the toddler years with horror, I didn't really enjoy it because it was so full on and wearing. From a distance though, it goes really quickly and this level of supervision doesn't last forever. For the pre school years though, they do need watching out for. Reasonable to leave them to play quietly in safe rooms for short time upon waking, or reasonable to leave them in safe environment for ten mins while you go to the bathroom etc. Leaving them completely unsupervised in the middle of the day, on a different floor, while you sleep off a hangover - not so reasonable.

For what it's worth snossidge I would probably have tried it myself.

If tv is on in our house then the kids are glued - they also would be told in advance to come up and get me for anything they needed.

Who are these children that just randomly walk out of the front door (don't you lock it?!) or decide to pull the tv over on themselves??

You've done it anyway now.

But yep, not good. You should have gone on the sofa.

I certainly aspire to have relaxing naps!

I'm going to continue letting the three of them play with their toys in the morning and probably will also nap again with the older two downstairs if the situation arises - I appreciate others risk assess in different ways but I haven't read anything that has made me feel differently.

Agree mrsfrumble that children being able to access dishwasher tabs or let themselves out of the house seems particularly slack!

FFS OP - why even start an AIBU thread. Would you have left them alone in the house? If not, then you shouldn't go upstairs for a 'relaxing' nap. You may need to accept that relaxing naps and 3 kids of 5 and under are not a great combo.

I'm sure you've been sleep deprived for the last 5 years so you can cope :)

YABU. I would definitely not sleep in the daytime while supervising such small children. Completely different scenario than leaving them alone to play while you are elsewhere in the house fully conscious and able to pop in and check on them from time to time.

In fact, thinking about it, my DS has a scar on his head from a bad accident in the playground at nursery, where no one could tell me exactly what happened as no one saw it (school nursery, he has SN so wasn't verbal). This was pre-MN so I couldn't have posted, but can you imagine the outrage if I had posted from A and E to garner opinion?!

My point is that a certain level of supervision gives you a reasonable safety net, in that if something does happen, this is bad enough in itself, but you don't have to feel the guilt of "what if". The chances of a serious accident are vanishingly small but I'm pretty sure the majority of us here have a tale of a minor accident with DC of this age, and I personally wouldn't the guilt of remembering that I sleeping off a hangover when my DC had any kind of accident, let alone explaining to the doctor etc this is what I was doing.

I don't think there is that general expectation OP, for a 3 yo? Mine recently called swallowed a 2p, sitting right in front of me. Before this i would have laid my wages that she would never ever have done that. Shook me up a bit and has made me more vigilant. And yes these things are probably rare but the fact that they can and do happen is enough for me. What if I hadn't been there?

Not judging btw, your kids, your rules imo.

Because I was interested in the replies Lynda? Doesn't mean I have to agree if not convinced

This is neglect- no ifs or buts! You would certainly be prosecuted if any harm came to your children in these circumstances. However, it sounds like you are too lazy and convinced that you are right to care. You should be ashamed to have done this!

OP, did you ask the original question prepared to hear and listen to the replies of the posters on here?

You don't seem to really be prepared to acknowledge the validity of any suggestion you might have been unreasonable, despite the fact that many many people have given good reasons for this view. Do you simply want validation for what you did?
What do you think when you read all of the replies - do you think you were right to do what you did, will you do it again, or has what has been said made you think again and decide you would do something differently if a similar situation arose again?
I do think that some of this stuff about nursery ratios is a red herring - the numbers are not as relevant, as the fact there are adults present who are AWAKE. Likewise a lot of the stuff about bedrooms is a bit of a red herring. The crucial thing is 2 small children, active and awake in daytime hours when they should be active and awake but supervised, left without that supervision because the only adult is upstairs asleep.

Do you work for the CPS where?

Thinking about it, there's no chance that mine would leave me alone long enough to have any kind of nap, let alone a relaxing one in another room. They were both up before 6 today, so I dragged a duvet to the sofa and put a Kipper DVD on with the sound turned low, with the hope that I could doze for a bit. Instead I was interrupted every few minutes by them wanting a snack / drink / wee or to break up scrapping over toys, so I gave up.

The fact that your 2 year old survived being left unsupervised downstairs for 2 hours whilst you doesn't mean it wasn't neglectful Cremeegg. I wouldn't call it parenting differently, in fact I'd barely call it parenting.

Chocolate, as I said I would reconsider the lego and be clearer about not going into the kitchen, but yes I would still do it again if the situation arose.

Because telling a child not to do something is a guarantee they won't isn't it

Hang on. You leave your one year old downstairs in the morning with a 3 and 5 year old while you carry on snoozing?

I am starting to wonder if the OP is for real.

Maybe not all children but I do find my 5 year old pretty reliable for eg. he always follows the rules when playing out. Middle one is averagely reliable and youngest is completely the opposite and we have had to buy reins, cupboard locks and a playpen for the first time I dread what a 4th would be like...

Ha, just re read, not downstairs, in their rooms! Does your one year old have toys in their cot then?

No they play in their bedroom in the morning Stannis.