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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To leave my 3 and 5 year olds downstairs while I take a nap?

510 replies

Snossidge · 13/09/2015 17:19

Basically the kids were all up at 6am today, 1 year old wanted a nap by 9am and I had a bit of a hangover. 3 and 5 year olds just wanted to play lego and watch Adventure Time.

Was I unreasonable to leave them alone for an hour while I napped upstairs?

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 15/09/2015 13:30

Agree chompee bot.
If a mum said in the playground'
Oooh I has a lie in this morning - the dc just played quietly in their ro

arethereanyleftatall · 15/09/2015 13:31

Rooms till 8am'
The responses would unanimously be 'you lucky thing'.

AlpacaBackPack · 15/09/2015 14:31

LaNouba, I did no such thing! I directly quoted a previous thread title by you (as a childish retort to assumptions you were making about me), which I completely agree I shouldn't have done and apologise for, but I certainly didn't make any "sexual comment"! That's just vile.
You're entitled to your opinion, I'm entitled to mine. If anyone has been "attempting to discredit posters who disagreed with you" it's you. I have nothing more to add on the subject.

LaNouba · 15/09/2015 15:50

Saying he was 'turned on' is sexual, anyway let's not derail the thread any further Biscuit

AlpacaBackPack · 15/09/2015 15:56

I copied and pasted your thread title verbatim (which I shouldn't have done). The expression was yours (and to be hones, as it was about a 4-year-old I didn't even read it that way). But I agree, let's leave it here Biscuit

Mrsfrumble · 15/09/2015 16:02

I know I'm going to regret wading in here, but Alpaca your claim that you "directly quoted" LaNouba's other thread is so outrageous that I can't help myself! Of course "turned on" has sexual connotations, and it was a gross and totally inappropriate turn of phrase to use in relation to a little boy being amused a game with a lavatorial theme (which my 4 year old would find utterly hilarious too).

Anyway, enough sticking my beak in to other people's business. I just couldn't let such a disingenuous protestation of innocence pass without comment.

LaNouba · 15/09/2015 16:05

Believe what you want but please don't accuse me of starting a thread about my son being 'turned on' by a kids game. The evidence is still on this thread and a quick search of my name clearly shows the thread I started about the kids game. PhD in economics (of the truth) I think.

LaNouba · 15/09/2015 16:10

Thanks Mrsfrumble

WorldsBiggestGrotbag · 15/09/2015 16:15

Have just searched LaNouba's thread and nowhere does she say 'turned on', which is a sexual phrase. What an outrageous lie Alpaca.

bishboschone · 15/09/2015 16:51

Id be more concerned about choking than anything else . If there was a fire your reactions would be slower as you are further away . Also someone could knock which would possibly make the 5 year old open the door . Why do you need to sleep ? I find sleeping in the day weird regardless of how tired you are .. Small children need supervision ..

leedy · 15/09/2015 16:58

Bloody hell, I never set the alarm on weekend mornings unless we have to be up for swimming lessons or something. The kids will usually wake me up when they get up but DP and I will sometimes doze for a bit once they're up, our house isn't so vast that I'm not going to hear anything and the worst I expect is Lego all over the floor. I also haven't purged their rooms of everything except books and soft toys. DS's are the same age as the OPs.

I don't know if I'd do what the OP did but had no idea "having a lie in while your kids watch telly/play with lego" was classified as "shit neglectful lazy parenting". Do none of you "any normal caring parent would get up as soon as their child is awake to supervise them" people have fond memories of sitting downstairs with your siblings watching Saturday cartoons/helping yourself to cereal while your parents slept (or possibly conceived more siblings), or is that now classified along with not using seatbelts and chainsmoking cigars in the car?

NuckyS · 15/09/2015 16:59

Why do you need to sleep ? I find sleeping in the day weird regardless of how tired you are ..

Meanwhile, on planet Earth, where parents aren't robots....

Flashbangandgone · 15/09/2015 17:06

If there was a fire your reactions would be slower as you are further away.

Fires happen at night too.... Do you let yourself sleep then? If so, stop using it as an argument for why someone shouldn't sleep in the day!

bishboschone · 15/09/2015 17:07

I've had two babies and never slept in the day . I don't live on coffee or red bull or pro plus .. I just find it weird to risk your children's safety to sleep !

chompybot · 15/09/2015 17:51

Round here a lot of houses are those 3 story town houses or have loft conversions so parents are sometimes on a different floor to their kids bedrooms anyway, (once they are past babies) so how does the 'on a different floor' issue work then?

And honestly do all these parents really get up with their kids on a weekend?

chompybot · 15/09/2015 17:58

Leedy - chuckled at your 'watching Saturday morning cartoons whilst your parents possibly conceived more siblings' line. I may be guilty of this Blush. Shall I turn myself in?

InimitableJeeves · 15/09/2015 18:14

Gawd, do we have to keep having this discussion about how the fact that things happen at night when you're asleep does not and cannot mean logically that it doesn't matter in the least what unnecessary risks you take during the day?

LittleBearPad · 15/09/2015 19:14

ShockConfusedHmm at setting the alarm so you're up before your children. Not bloody likely.

TheFormidableMrsC · 15/09/2015 19:17

Just returning to the toys in bedrooms thing. My son doesn't have any toys in his bedroom as he has ASD and just doesn't like them being in there. All his toys are in the playroom downstairs. I am fortunate to have one, I appreciate that. He does, however, have books in his room which he doesn't seem to mind. However, it didn't prevent him from escaping through the stairgate and making himself a drink and cereal, as I described upthread, when he woke before my alarm went off and didn't wake me. He was fine, but it does worry me, especially as he has now done it....

Flashbangandgone · 15/09/2015 19:27

Inimitable

I don't believe anyone is saying that. I'm more bemused how some people treat risk when sleeping at night so casually compared to a comparable risk during the day when sleep is seen as akin to neglect. I'm not arguing the Op is right, just that the response of some seems to be extreme and inconsistent with the risks they take at night.

ChocolateWombat · 15/09/2015 19:27

Active children downstairs during the daytime are MORE likely to have accidents - need adequate supervision. Alert, adult presence is required - can be in the room or elsewhere for short periods, but still alert to hear issues arising so can respond if necessary.

Night-time means less activity from children who are more confined than in daytime,as in bedrooms, many hours spent asleep - means LESS likely to have accidents - time for adults to sleep.

The issue isn't whether there is risk - there is ALWAYS some degree of risk and this can never be totally avoided. The issue is to MEASURE the risk and put in place measures to minimise it. In the nighttime, it is fine for adults to sleep, as the risks are LOW even if never totally removed.
In the daytime the risk of very small children downstairs alone without a conscious, alert presence is HIGH,which is why they shouldn't be left. The way to minimise the risk is to be awake and either in the room with them or nearby so you can anything untoward and come quickly. Being asleep upstairs for an hour whilst hungover means there is no adult who is alert and who can respond quickly to a problem = inadequate supervision.

Of course children quickly become more sensible. One child may be less risky if left alone than two or three. Older children can certainly be given more leeway to be alone for longer.

For those who think what the OP did was fine......what is the YOUNGEST ages for 2 children that you would find her napping for an hour upstairs to be acceptable/reasonable? Would it be okay if there was a small baby? 9 month old crawler? 2 year old?

Everyone does have to make a judgement about these things but for me a 3 year old is too young to be responsible for themselves for a whole hour with no adult listening out and only a 5 year old to take responsibility.

BlinkAndMiss · 15/09/2015 19:45

Flashbangandgone I hardly think that having a few occasions that I've tried to manage can be compared to the OP's decision to have a relaxing nap and leave her children unsupervised. Setting an alarm for when my child usually wakes works very well for me, he has probably only woken up 2 or 3 times before me anyway because I am usually awake before my alarm. He sits in bed and reads his storybooks, then he shouts for me - I know this is an unusual situation but it's how my child is. He's 3 and despite being 'sensible' on a morning I'd never trust him alone. It's not that a child would choose to put themselves in danger it's that they don't know any better, the only thing we can do as parents is minimise the risk - taking a nap in the middle of the day and leaving young children alone is absolutely not minimising the risk. It seems I'm in the minority with the alarm setting but I'd rather do that than take the risk.

With regards to where toys are kept, if their bedroom is where all the toys are then of course this can't be managed but I imagine that all parents would minimise the choking risks etc by how they organise the toys for young children. Yes, most toys are a choking risk for under 36 months and after that children are deemed sensible enough, but why oh why would anyone take the risk just because their child has turned 36 months? If the OP was leaving her children while she napped and the youngest was 5 (rather than the oldest) then I think that would be more acceptable. I wouldn't expect older children to be so vigilantly supervised but it's not fair to leave a 5 year old to babysit another child.

I may come across as having strident views but honestly, the OP sounds selfish and neglectful. I can't see how I'm demonstrating a 'high-handed' attitude regarding the OP's parenting, she's leaving her children alone so she can nap! If you want to take relaxing naps in the afternoon then either pay for childcare or take them to a group or activity so you can have a few hours off. If the youngest child was older then it would be more acceptable, but 3 years old?

LyndaNotLinda · 15/09/2015 19:55

I had no idea you weren't supposed to get up with pre-school age children. Fucking hell, I've missed out on years of lie ins :(

PeppasNanna · 15/09/2015 20:57

Seriously cant believe how lazy some people are!! Shock

6 dc. 2 with ASD. Baby is only young. Dc with ASD rarely sleep all night, just the way it is.

DixieNormas · 15/09/2015 21:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.