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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To leave my 3 and 5 year olds downstairs while I take a nap?

510 replies

Snossidge · 13/09/2015 17:19

Basically the kids were all up at 6am today, 1 year old wanted a nap by 9am and I had a bit of a hangover. 3 and 5 year olds just wanted to play lego and watch Adventure Time.

Was I unreasonable to leave them alone for an hour while I napped upstairs?

OP posts:
Snossidge · 13/09/2015 19:34

1 year old can escape his cot so it is safer to have the side down and a gate on the door.

OP posts:
Costacoffeeplease · 13/09/2015 19:42

I don't have kids, and am not particularly interested in little ones but even I'm flabbergasted you'd even consider this - un-be-lievable

msgrinch · 13/09/2015 19:55

yabu and I agree with pp it's neglect. Your fault you got pissed and felt shit this morning, deal with it. Nap on the sofa if you need but to just leave your very young children to get on with it is shitty. A relaxing nap?! Pah!

But youre one of those posters so you won't listen to any replies and I honestly hope if you do this again your kids are alright.

PurpleHairAndPearls · 13/09/2015 19:56

The thing is Snossidge you don't always know what they are capable of, until the first time they do it.

You obviously think YANBU, so it's your choice. Can I ask if you have a DH or DP etc, and if they are happy with this? DH was a SAHD, he wouldn't have done this, but if he had thought this was OK I wouldn't have trusted him to have sole care of the DC as to me, it's pretty neglectful.

At the end of the day, as parents we all assess and accept differing levels of risk. Its interesting though that you obviously had enough concerns over the decision, to actually ask the question in the first place. Also interesting that despite the pretty overwhelming consensus of YABU, you are now so confident in your decision.

Snossidge · 13/09/2015 19:58

I was interested in the responses rather than having concerns really Purple.

My boyfriend is more chilled than me about supervision tbh!

OP posts:
Costacoffeeplease · 13/09/2015 19:58

Poor kids

Johnny5isAlive · 13/09/2015 20:02

Only you can decide whether your DC are responsible enough to be left for 20 mins. Most on here wouldn't, but when mine were that age I would have felt comfortable saying to them "carry on colouring for a bit, come upstairs if you need anything".
Mine are, and were, sensible. If they had a more inquisitive nature then I'd not consider it. It's a judgement call IMO

BMW6 · 13/09/2015 20:09

Piss poor parenting IMO.

Nanny0gg · 13/09/2015 20:12

Napping in the same room would not have been a relaxing nap.

Tough.

SlowlyGoingINSAINIA · 13/09/2015 20:14

What's wrong with you?! Can't you see the danger? If I knew you I would be reporting you to CS.

teenagetantrums · 13/09/2015 20:16

3 and 5 i think is fine alone as long as they can come and get you if they need you. I have always lived in a flat and my kids spent many an hour alone in living room while i slept in bedroom next door, not sure how that mad it any safer than me being a staircase away, they have made it late teens now with no harm done

timeforabrewnow · 13/09/2015 20:19

Why did your kids spend many hour alone while you were sleeping??

bingandflop · 13/09/2015 20:22

Crikey. I am usually the least judgey person ever but FFS. This is verging on child neglect imo. How do you know they won't choke/ manage to knock themselves out etc?! If you do this in the morning as well then that's pretty crap too. You chose to have these kids, we are all tired but shit no way on earth would I nap upstairs with young kids downstairs

NoStannisNo · 13/09/2015 20:22

My boyfriend is more chilled than me about supervision tbh!

Oh, super Hmm

Snossidge · 13/09/2015 20:26

No wonder social services are overworked if they have to field calls about parents asleep in the same house as their children Shock

OP posts:
AlpacaBackPack · 13/09/2015 20:30

Thank goodness for a few sensible posters on here like Johnny5isAlive!

You obviously all know your own DCs but what's all the hysteria about children over 3 choking on small toys!?! Toys with potential small parts state "not safe under 36 months" in order to give a HUGE safety margin - in reality, the average child will stop putting random things in their mouth WELL before that - mine certainly did. And OP didn't say she was leaving the house FGS, nor that she was in a drunken stupour / coma! It would probably take her about 10s to come running if there was a problem downstairs.

Have we really got so nervous that mums are expected to hover over their PFBs (and younger offspring) every second of the day? No wonder there are so many threads about DCs who are insecure, or reckless etc etc. I'm pretty sure this isn't how any of us grew up!

OP, I think you're absolutely fine. At that age, inspired by a close relative with older children who had been doing this for years, we dedicated a low level kitchen cupboard to the children and filled it with plastic cups, bowls, plates etc, plus made sure their cereals, milk etc were also available at low level. They would wake up, go down and make their OWN breakfast - yes, sometimes there were spills to clean up, but what a wonderful way for them to learn a little independence! And yes, they were also able to put CBeebies on by themselves. We would come down half an hour, sometimes even an hour later. Of course they could come and tell us straight away if there was ever a problem, but guess what? They almost never did, as they relished their independence, and so did we. These poor neglected children are now growing up into lovely, independent young people, and I would absolutely do the same again, given the chance.

msgrinch · 13/09/2015 20:31

Oh op stop being so goady, it's aibu not everyone agree with me.

Costacoffeeplease · 13/09/2015 20:31

....as their children who are not also asleep, but downstairs unsupervised, with a 5 year old who can get into the kitchen

Yeah nothing wrong with that AT ALLConfused

ChocolateWombat · 13/09/2015 20:32

The thing is, Social services deal with people all the time who are doing things which they consider perfectly reasonable, but which are deemed unacceptable.
Children of this age need supervision. This doesn't have to mean an adult is in the room with them every minute of the day, but a whole hour without an awake adult who will notice if they are unwittingly up to something daft or dangerous cannot be considered adequate supervision.

What do you think SS would say about an adult asleep hungover with small children downstairs alone?

bingandflop · 13/09/2015 20:33

SS wouldnt be concerned if your kids were ASLEEP FFS! They wouldn't be happy with what you are doing. Why did you post here? You think you are totally right. General consensus says otherwise. Are you a troll?

Snossidge · 13/09/2015 20:40

I'm pretty sure social services wouldn't have anything to say about it. This thread is getting a bit hysterical Confused

OP posts:
Costacoffeeplease · 13/09/2015 20:42

I wouldn't be so sure at all

TheMotherOfHellbeasts · 13/09/2015 20:44

YABVVU, up at 6am isn't even particularly early. DS is up earlier than that everyday, and there are times, particularly when I'm in the middle of chemo that I do feel exhausted, but you just have to crack on with it. Have a coffee, take some paracetamol.

RockinHippy · 13/09/2015 20:48

YABVVVVU

You were very lucky they came to no harm, but you seriously need to rethink your parenting skills if you even have to ask this question at all & that you then try to justify it & argue with every common sense parent replying Shock

They are too young to be left unsupervised whilst you sleep - if you think everyone is wrong - ask SS what their opinion of this would be - if you dare

NuffSaidSam · 13/09/2015 20:53

Mumsnet veers towards the over-protective with things like this.

It ultimately depends on your children and your house.

For some children, in some houses it would be fine.

For other children, in other houses it wouldn't.

A very sensible 5 year old and an averagely sensible 3 year old in a small house where they can be heard from upstairs and can't get out. Fine imo.

I assume you don't have a pond or Rottweiler in the living room OP? A collection of loaded guns? Antique sword collection? Stash of ecstasy tablets?

I can imagine the headlines now....'Left downstairs, for an hour.....with LEGO!!!!' Shock. The Daily Mail will be all over it Hmm

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