To leave my 3 and 5 year olds downstairs while I take a nap?

[Snossidge]

Basically the kids were all up at 6am today, 1 year old wanted a nap by 9am and I had a bit of a hangover. 3 and 5 year olds just wanted to play lego and watch Adventure Time.

Was I unreasonable to leave them alone for an hour while I napped upstairs?

Napping in the same room would not have been a relaxing nap.

I have taken on board the comments about Lego and will maybe make that only an activity for when adults are around - though they have Lego and marbles etc in DS2's nursery class so the expectation at that age must be that most will use it without choking. And I will make extra clear that the rule is that neither of them can go in the kitchen without at adult.

I didn't go out anywhere last night so unfortunately leaving them longer at grandparents wasn't an option!

Yabu. Your argument about them being alone for a short while in the morning before you wake up is irrelevant because it's a totally different situation. In this scenario you've deliberately chosen to leave them on their own, in a separate part of the house with access to the kitchen etc just so you can have a decent nap to recover from a hangover! Sorry but I just wouldn't do it with children of that age.

Not following around the rooms is not akin to sleeping upstairs IMO- if something happens you can go to the room they're in and react instantly. It's a much more delayed response if you're asleep. Besides, unless you live in a palace it is unlikely that you're not going to intermittently come across them!

I think children of this age can be left downstairs alone for a few minutes (while you pop to the loo or are doing a quick job etc) or for a bit longer if you keep popping down to them or shouting down to them and having a conversation, but having access to the whole of downstairs alone for an extended period of time isn't a good idea if an adult doesn't know regularly what they are up to.

Quite simply a 3 year old in particular can't be fully trusted not to touch things they shouldn't and shouldn't be put in a position of being responsible for such judgement for a whole hour without adult contact.

There is a difference to being upstairs doing a a quick job,but alert to noises downstairs and being asleep.

There is also a difference to a child being left alone in their own bedroom at night and having the run of downstairs alone in the daytime. In the nighttime, much of the time is spent asleep or at least not as active in the daytime. Yes there may well be toys in the room, but other hazards which are downstairs such as knives, electricals etc are not there.

Additionally, at night, the chances of both children being up together and getting into mischief together are much lower.

The problem with the OPs idea is a hole hour of her being fast asleep and out of it, whilst the 2 children together have a whole hour of being awake and alert downstairs. The risks seem too high for that age group. Dozing on the sofa would be safer - a full scale sleep is not really viable, as an earlier poster says unless the children are also asleep.

OP also mentioned being hung over. Sounds to me like that was what created the need in the OP for more than a doze - a 6am get up in itself isn't unusual or too awful for parents with children of such ages - most parents can get through the day without needing to go back to bed when getting up at 6. Sorry to sound judgemental, but if drinking means you cannot cope with the day and provide adequate childcare for the kids, it's better not to drink. It doesn't seem right that the children should be placed in a situation where their safety could be jeopardised (however unlikely a crisis is to occur) because of a night of drinking the previous day.

Have a doze on the sofa, arrange for a friend to take the kids for an hour,go out for some fresh air, avoid being hung over.......all better approaches.

Echoing Chocolate in the opinion that you shouldn't drink if you aren't capable of looking after your children the day afterwards.

OP, I am curious as to why you asked in AIBU if you are completely convinced YANBU?

As the overwhelming majority have already said, I also think YABU - 5 and 3 are still young children and, being in a hungover sleep in a different room, you would not have been able to react to any incidents in the same way as you would if you were napping in the same room or awake and alert in another room.

Napping in the same room would not have been a relaxing nap. That's life when you have 3 young children!

I have taken on board the comments about Lego and will maybe make that only an activity for when adults are around - though they have Lego and marbles etc in DS2's nursery class so the expectation at that age must be that most will use it without choking. The difference being the nursery staff are present when the children are playing with these and not in a different room sleeping off a hangover!

Cross posts with Chocolate and I completely agree with their sentiments.

No, 3.5 is not past the age of putting something in their mouth they shouldn't.

Personally I get up when ds (4) gets up. He isn't quiet so I hear him and get up.

I would not leave a 3 & 5 year old unattended while I sleep no. But then I don't leave them with small toys in their room either.

You also say 'apart from pulling the TV down' there is no risk. That's enough risk to me. At the end of the day, they are your kids. You obviously don't think Yabu so crack on.

And I am also the person that won't drink if I am I charge of the kids on my own the next day.

Nothing worse than looking after kids with hangover so i don't do it.

There's not going to be an adult watching them play at all times though is there Bunnyjo.

I was asking because I was curious about what MN would say, following a conversation today with a friend about someone we know who is very helicoptery - my social circle is certainly more relaxed than most on MN it seems!

YABU, they are too young and a 5 year old shouldn't have to responsible for their younger sibling. And leaving a 2 year old alone to go back to bed for a couple of hours is just plain neglect.

you need to lie on the sofa not nap upstairs, and I was not even all that helicoptery. That is v young to be left. Or get them to nap with you (fat chance I know)

There's not going to be an adult watching them play at all times though is there Bunnyjo.
At nursery?

There's not going to be an adult watching them play at all times though is there Bunnyjo. Yes, there would be! Current nursery ratios are 1:8 for 3-year-old children and in any nursery/preschool setting my DCs have attended there is always a at least 1 member of staff in close supervision at all times. And, whilst they might not be able to keep a direct eye on all 8 children at any one time, they are in attendance and alert to any issues immediately - not sleeping off a hangover in a completely room!

Spartans - the risk of them pulling the TV off the wall and actually injuring themselves with it is very small due to the size and position of it, so it wasn't really something I was concerned about.

I don't often get the chance to have a couple of bottles of wine and a takeaway with some friends, so it's not a common occurrence to be hungover

completely different room

Yabvu.
And I would suggest you rethink your choices when it comes to taking a nap while in charge of young children.

Ooh, well that's told me, stitchglitched. Said 2 year old is now a very mature, independent almost 13 year old, who has grown up healthy, happy and without anything bad ever happening to him, bar 3 trips to A&E in his whole childhood for head bumps, which all occurred when I was right there watching him.

Think again before you accuse people who parent in a different way from you of neglect.

School nursery, so there is a teacher and TA with around 20-25 kids. They often have one adult inside and one outside, so no - not all children are closely supervised at all times.

Any nursery I have been in would also only have small objects like that out for a specific adult led activity rather than something for free play.

School nursery is 1:13 staff ratio (if one of the staff is a qualified teacher).

Anyhow, you're being deliberately obtuse and not comparing like for like, OP. You mention your 3-year-old playing with Lego and marbles in nursery and my point is there is someone supervising them, albeit it they are also supervising potentially another 12 children. In your situation no adult was supervising, because you were hungover and asleep in a completely different room!

Napping in the same room would not have been a relaxing nap.

Huh? Who the fuck expects to be able to have a 'relaxing nap' when in charge of a 3 and 5 year old???

Look, I'm definitely not a 'helicoptery' parent. As I said, my kids are younger than yours and I am not constantly supervising them every second, I am mumsnetting doing bit around the house or whatever. But IMO, 3 and 5 is too young to be left completely.on their own for an hour while you have a 'relaxing nap'. You asked, people.are.saying that YABU, but you just carry on and tell yourself that we are just too uptight.

And I will make extra clear that the rule is that neither of them can go in the kitchen without at adult

The fact that your child survived Creamegg doesn't prove the poster who said this behaviour was neglectful to be wrong, how does that work?

I leave mine to play etc - welcome it in fact. But to nap?!

Er no.