Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Restaurant Argument

260 replies

Lauren1983 · 12/09/2015 22:33

Me, DP and and our 2 and a half year old went out for dinner tonight. We ended up getting to the restaurant at 8 slightly later than planned. It's a chain restaurant but a slightly upmarket one. We go there once a month with DD and always have a lovely time.

When we were waiting for our bill I nipped to the toilet during which a woman on the next table said excuse me to DP and asked if he could ''shut that child up'' and that DD ''wasn't normal''.

Up until a few minutes before I went to the toilet DD had been quiet - colouring and eating. DP made the mistake of saying dinosaur to DD which did result in her being noisy. I had attempted to calm her down but at that point we were waiting to pay so were leaving soon anyway. She was noisy (going rah!)for around 5 mins at most.

Things ended up getting quite heated as DP was fuming at the woman's comments. Two men on her table also joined in. The remaining member of their party (a woman) stayed silent. I told DP to take DD to the car as I paid the bill and finished my drink.

As I left I said in future it would be best if they kept comments to themselves. The main woman then said DD shouldn't have been out at the time and should know to behave, that her children were never like that etc. She even said ''bye girl'' to me to get me to leave (I must look younger than 31!) The main man make a sarcastic comment about the top I was wearing (a kimono that I think is nice but that's beside the point) and was spoiling for a fight. They complained about having to pay the full cost of their meal after we had ruined it.

I don't think they had the right to speak to us like that but was IBU to be at a restaurant at that time?

OP posts:
Toffeelatteplease · 13/09/2015 13:09

People who are hostile towards children are often the same ones who complain that society is breaking down and the younger generation are growing up to be more selfish, rude and with less compassion and more hostility towards others.......you don't say, I wonder why?

That's a sweeping generalisation. I just believe in consideration towards others. I also believe in making it as easy as possible for others to be considerate to you.

SouthAmericanCuisine · 13/09/2015 13:41

SAC - neither of us where there to know how disruptive the "dino noises" were.

Quite - but I'm pretty certain that your level of tolerance, and mine, are different!
Even mine varies depending on the kind of day I've had, or how well I'm feeling - that doesn't mean I expect everyone else to operate within my own level of tolerance at any given time.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 13/09/2015 13:53

"Ask is a family restaurant and, as others have said, nowhere does it state that it stops being so after a certain time. If you don't want to eat in a restaurant with children, don't eat in a family restaurant."

I have been thinking about this point, and it seems to me that the 'family-friendliness' of a restaurant probably fluctuates during the day and the evening, basically depending on the number of families with children who are there - so if I walk into a restaurant during the day, and see lots of families with children, my expectations of the visit will be different to my expectations if I walk in in the evening, and there are no families with small children there - if that makes sense?

It's a sort of equation - time of day x number of young families present = greater likelihood of child noise related family atmosphere.

So in the OP's case, if her dd was the only small child in the restaurant, it would have been less unreasonable for the other people to have expected a more grown-up atmosphere, than if there had been other young families present.

I used to like the fact that there were family friendly restaurants, when the boys were little, because I felt it provided an opportunity for us to practice the sort of behaviour I expected when eating out, but in a more forgiving atmosphere than a 5* restaurant. But I did expect the boys to behave nicely - we didn't always achieve this, but if they were being disruptive, one of us took them out.

iamnotaponceyloudperson · 13/09/2015 14:03

I don't think your DD was being poorly behaved at all or that she shouldn't have been there at that time but I think it's good manners to take children out of restaurants if they start to become loud or annoying (repetitive can be annoying), afterall its not particularly cheap to eat out and for some people its a real treat.

But they were extremely rude too so I wouldn't feel bad on this occasion!

tomatodizzymum · 13/09/2015 14:37

I just believe in consideration towards others so do I. But someone who says ''shut that child up'' and that the OPs DD ''wasn't normal'' obviously doesn't and has some seriously bad manners and a few social problems. Out of the OP and the other lady I would say the OP was the one who was being more polite and considerate. Her child had behaved well up to that point, she is a child and still has a lot to learn. Children cannot learn how to behave socially over night and they cannot learn if they are not exposed to social situations. There is a danger they could grow up not being taught manners and end up like this woman that the OP had the unfortunate experience of crossing paths with.

Original poster
Lauren1983 · 13/09/2015 14:39

In hindsight we should probably have taken her out when she starting pretending to be a dinosaur but as she only did it 3 or 4 times before I went to the toilet and because I had distracted her at that point I thought she'd be ok until we had paid the bill.

When she started up again (while I was gone) I definitely would have told DP to take her out when I had got back to the table. DP didn't take her out while I was gone because he thought I would worry that they had disappeared, plus he was holding the money to pay.

OP posts:
OwlinaTree · 13/09/2015 14:56

westcoast this is my pet hate. Why is the UK un child friendly? The only places I don't see children are 18 films and night clubs. Where do you live and why is it more child friendly?

ChristineDePisan · 13/09/2015 15:13

At 9pm I wouldn't have expected a two year old making dinosaur noises while I finished my meal, even in McDonalds

Puzzledandpissedoff · 13/09/2015 15:18

Having moved to another country, I can now see how unchild friendly the UK really is

I kind of see your point, but honestly feel at least some of it's the result of the all-too-common British attitude that their children are some kind of special snowflakes and not to be challenged

On the basis of "it takes a village ..." and all that, I've often seen european children corrected by others if they're being a nuisance and even seen the parents thank the people who've intervened

Try that in the UK and all too many parents would go berserk ...

OwlinaTree · 13/09/2015 15:19

I think people confuse child friendly with people putting up with any behavior from children.

I've seen children eating steak in Italy at 1130pm, but they weren't making dinosaur noises. Surely it's the behaviour that is the issue then. So do people think other countries are more accepting of dinosaur noises?

I don't really know how better to explain it.

OwlinaTree · 13/09/2015 15:22

When I was in Majorca many restaurants didn't really have baby change facilities as such, you could use the floor and bag your nappy. In the UK that's less often the case.

So is Majorca less child friendly or more?

OwlinaTree · 13/09/2015 15:24

I'm really interested in this topic, I really do think the UK is very child friendly.

Blackcloudsbrightsky · 13/09/2015 15:34

Lauren, I don't think you did anything wrong. I think we all 'learn' for want of a better word with toddlers.

I am surprised that more than one poster has claimed they would have joined in with the dinosaur noises though Hmm

Honestly?

Aridane · 13/09/2015 15:48

iguana and Rdoo - thanks!

So down to different parenting styles, and continental parents calling out 'bad behaviour' that we take to be 'they're just children'? yet simultaneously more child friendly?

I find this really interesting

Theycallmemellowjello · 13/09/2015 15:53

No, yanbu. I hate the victorian children should be seen and not heard idea that some people seem to subscribe to. Overhearing a child is not going to hurt anyone and children have as much right as adults to go to restaurants and other public places. The people at the other table sound deeply weird.

Theycallmemellowjello · 13/09/2015 15:54

And I lived in Italy for a while where kids making a bit of noise and sitting and playing in the corner of a restaurant was not frowned on at all.

OwlinaTree · 13/09/2015 15:59

To what point then is it OK mello for the dinosaur noises to go on? One child rah-ing for 5 mins = OK. One child rah-ing for 30 mins=still OK? Table of 6 children rah-ing for 30 mins?

Is the UK considered un child friendly because not everybody wants to listen to rah-ing children? Does everyone in other more child friendly countries love the rah-ing?

So is putting up with any child behavior the definition of child friendly?

OwlinaTree · 13/09/2015 16:01

Is it not just possible that there are less and more tolerant people and less and more noisy children in all countries?

OwlinaTree · 13/09/2015 16:02

I don't think children making a bit of noise and playing in a corner is frowned on in the UK. Do you really think that it is?

OwlinaTree · 13/09/2015 16:03

I am laughing at the mental image of 6 children sitting round a table rah-ing in unison. Grin

rookiemere · 13/09/2015 16:03

I think the people were definitely wrong to say what they said to you and your DP, but if I were out for an adult meal in the latish evening I wouldn't be impressed at a young child making loud noises dinosaur related or otherwise for a minimum period of 5 mins.

From the initial explanation it sounds very much as if the OP had the situation under control, but then when she went to the loo her DH seemed to have much less understanding of a) how to keep toddlers quiet and b) what other people may find acceptable in terms of noisy child behaviour.

However I find braying loud parties in restaurants when people are drinking a lot to be infinitely more annoying than the odd slightly over loud DC, and I would imagine in terms of the other diners I'd be more troubled by a bunch of adults shouting offensive things about a toddler rather than the toddler herself.

FWIW the only time we've had our meal disturbed by a DC as when we went to an upmarket pub for lunch when I was pg, accompanied by my parents. Two parents ( I assume) accompanied by a 3-5 yr old girl who screeched and bawled and screeched some more. Meanwhile they sat at the table - clearly inured to the behaviour. We had to go to the other part of the restaurant ( luckily through closed doors) or we could not have enjoyed our meal. Astounded me that parents didn't take her straight out to the car and tell her to calm down.

Floppityflop · 13/09/2015 16:07

They sound awful, probably the kind of people that post horrid comments on Tripadvisor and expect something for nothing.

catfordbetty · 13/09/2015 16:10

Your daughter should have been told that we have no way of knowing what sound dinosaurs made anyway and her "ra" was pure speculation.

OwlinaTree · 13/09/2015 16:12

catford Grin

Madbengalmum · 13/09/2015 16:13

Whilst the older people commenting on your DD sound awful, i do believe that 9pm on a saturday is too late.
And it does annoy me that there is a group of people with kids who like to assumes that everyone dining without kids wants to sit and listen to them, it is selfish you should have removed her.