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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Restaurant Argument

260 replies

Lauren1983 · 12/09/2015 22:33

Me, DP and and our 2 and a half year old went out for dinner tonight. We ended up getting to the restaurant at 8 slightly later than planned. It's a chain restaurant but a slightly upmarket one. We go there once a month with DD and always have a lovely time.

When we were waiting for our bill I nipped to the toilet during which a woman on the next table said excuse me to DP and asked if he could ''shut that child up'' and that DD ''wasn't normal''.

Up until a few minutes before I went to the toilet DD had been quiet - colouring and eating. DP made the mistake of saying dinosaur to DD which did result in her being noisy. I had attempted to calm her down but at that point we were waiting to pay so were leaving soon anyway. She was noisy (going rah!)for around 5 mins at most.

Things ended up getting quite heated as DP was fuming at the woman's comments. Two men on her table also joined in. The remaining member of their party (a woman) stayed silent. I told DP to take DD to the car as I paid the bill and finished my drink.

As I left I said in future it would be best if they kept comments to themselves. The main woman then said DD shouldn't have been out at the time and should know to behave, that her children were never like that etc. She even said ''bye girl'' to me to get me to leave (I must look younger than 31!) The main man make a sarcastic comment about the top I was wearing (a kimono that I think is nice but that's beside the point) and was spoiling for a fight. They complained about having to pay the full cost of their meal after we had ruined it.

I don't think they had the right to speak to us like that but was IBU to be at a restaurant at that time?

OP posts:
bakingaddict · 13/09/2015 16:15

I think your DP could have done more to minimise this situation. Allowing your child to make dinosaur noises at a lateish time in a restaurant on a Saturday night is poor judgement. My kids have eaten out from an early age but neither DH or myself would allow that

amarmai · 13/09/2015 16:16

very nasty people ,op and WTF did that man think he was doing making a -ve comment about your top??BTWb i love kimono style everything!

CurlyhairedAssassin · 13/09/2015 16:19

I have no problem being in a restaurant at that time with children that age, provided their parents have taught them how to have respect for the comfort of other people, and how to behave appropriately to the environment. My 2 are extremely well behaved because they were brought up knowing that running around screeching is perfectly acceptable at kids' play centres or in the middle of the square abroad on holiday with the local kids while we keep an eye on them from a distance, but that they are NOT allowed to behave like that in places like coffee shops or restaurants. When they were as young as the OP's child, if they started screeching in a restaurant then we took them outside till they calmed down. If they didn't stop, we'd skip dessert and go home early. So, no, I wouldn't have let the rah-ing continue.

that said, those people had no manners themselves. The way they spoke to you was awful, and having a dig at your clothes- did they think they were at school?!

Original poster
Lauren1983 · 13/09/2015 16:22

I know amarmai!

This is the top images.asos-media.com/inv/media/0/6/8/4/4604860/image4xxl.jpg I don't think it's that bad!

OP posts:
maddy68 · 13/09/2015 16:29

Yes they were rude. But so were you If a child was being noisy or disruptive then she should have been taken out so she didn't disturb other diners.
Later on a Saturday night I wouldnt expect young children to be eatimg , I world expect that to be mire adults and I would be disappointed if I had a toddler on the next table

SouthAmericanCuisine · 13/09/2015 16:33

Those people saying they'd leave if their DC played up and made a noise - I assume you'd pay the bill first? You wouldn't skip out without paying?

That's what the OP and her DP were trying to do - settle up and leave as quickly as possible. The OP went to the loo - which is not unreasonable, is it?.

Has society deteriorated so much that we have to predict how our decisions have the potential to cause discomfort and inconvience to others for even a few minutes - else we are labelled irresponsible and selfish for not predicting it?

No one died, none was hurt, a few diners heard a child having fun for a few moments during their meal. Is it really such a big deal?

If the sound of a happy child has the potential to "ruin" someone's evening, then they might want to examine their priorities!

ArendelleQueen · 13/09/2015 16:35

If 5 minutes of dinosaur noises ruined your meal, you have bigger problems than a noisy tot in Ask. Grin

AnnieNon · 13/09/2015 16:36

I lived in a number of countries and find the UK to be far more child friendly than anywhere else. I don't think UK DC are worse behaved than other European children. It's not my experience.

In reply to the poster who asked If you're disturbed by a noisy child, surely, you'd be equally disturbed by a noisy adult party? No? My reply would be that I'd probably find the noisy child more irritating. Crying babies or toddlers would be the absolute most irritating.

BoffinMum · 13/09/2015 16:37

What on earth is wrong with that top? I would wear it.

The grumpy pants people on the next table clearly envied your youth, fertility and obvious classy dress sense. Wink

SouthAmericanCuisine · 13/09/2015 16:42

My reply would be that I'd probably find the noisy child more irritating.

Refreshing honesty, boffin - which does tend to imply that a "child being a child" is less welcome than a group of noisy adults who are old enough to be aware that others may have come for a quiet night out.

UK far more child friendly?

SouthAmericanCuisine · 13/09/2015 16:43

Sorry boffin , not you, that was in response to annie !

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 13/09/2015 17:15

SouthAmerican - no-one is advocating leaving the restaurant without paying, and it is somewhat daft to suggest anyone is.

In the OP's situation, there were two parents and one toddler. One parent was paying, and going to the loo - common sense says that the other parent takes the 'RAA-ing' toddler out.

And if you're on your own with the child, or you're there with more than one child, you apologise and try to distract the 'RAA-ing' child?

Sunshineandsilverbirch · 13/09/2015 18:29

South it is a big deal because it ruined the OP's evening and upset her enough to start this thread.

As SDTG said above of course you don't leave without paying your bill. You pick up child, leaving bags, coats etc and leave via a quick word to waiter that you'll be right back.

And actually, yes, I do think part of parenting is thinking two or three steps ahead about how your child's behaviour might impact other people and being considerate enough to act accordingly.

The other diners in the OP sound horrible but quite frankly the argument was avoidable.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 13/09/2015 18:34

In fairness to the OP, it does sound as if this was the first time her de has acted up/been noisy in a restaurant, and I expect she and her dh would handle it differently another time.

Stompylongnose · 13/09/2015 18:52

Yanbu.
I'm assuming that the rah! wasn't ear piercing but your Dd has every right to enjoy a rah! as much as an adult diner might swear or have an inappropriate conversation within earshot of your daughter.
I get irritated when parents let their children wander around restaurants unaccompanied but a rah! is no worse than overhearing a boring business meeting or drunken laughter from a nearby table.
As for the comment about your clothes wtf?
If you want no kids you eat at home or ask for a table in a quiet corner.
My local Ask usually has loud music in the evenings so is not a quiet eating establishment.

For next time, I'd practice your wtf face and the MN mantra "Did you mean to be so rude?" Bonus points if you can raise just one eyebrow.

Original poster
Lauren1983 · 13/09/2015 18:57

In fairness to the OP, it does sound as if this was the first time her de has acted up/been noisy in a restaurant, and I expect she and her dh would handle it differently another time.

Thanks SDTG. That's spot on. DD is never noisy in public and if DP hadn't mentioned dinosaur then she would have been quiet the whole meal. I did tell DP off at the time for saying it. To make it clear he only said the word dinosaur - he didn't make the rah noise himself nor did I.

As I've said with hindsight we should have taken her out as soon as she started making the noise but as I had distracted her before going to the toilet I thought she would be quiet until we left.

OP posts:
amarmai · 13/09/2015 19:02

the people who were making a fuss about the c might have been angling for a discount when thye went the length of complaining to the restaurant. Great topBTW!

Original poster
Lauren1983 · 13/09/2015 19:06

@Stompylongnose

I wouldn't describe the noise as ear piercing but it was louder than I'd like. When I was at the table with DD the noise wasn't too loud - she was saying rah rather than shouting it but when I came out the toilet it was louder than it had been.

You are right about the music - just before I went to the toilet me and DD were dancing in our seats (just moving our hands about) to Uptown Funk. It was loud enough to hear the lyrics.

I don't think the people who complained were wrong to be annoyed about the noise. Not everyone is gonna find DD cute (she is though - all Shirley Temple curls and big blue eyes). I was upset in how they handled it and the personal remarks. If they had complained to the waitress I would have told DP to take DD out and apologised but they started out aggressively.

OP posts:
mileend2bermondsey · 13/09/2015 19:08

a rah! is no worse than overhearing a boring business meeting
Seriously? A child loudly repeating an irritating noise over and over is the same as the next table having a business meeting? In what world?

Aridane · 13/09/2015 19:10

in the world of mumsnet... Blush

SouthAmericanCuisine · 13/09/2015 19:10

sunshine you've misunderstood me - I'm trying to understand the type of person for whom a child pretending to be a dinosaur for a few minutes is such a big deal that it spoilt their evening and justifies their behaviour towards the OP.

The consensus on this thread seems to be that the sound of a happy child, having fun, for no more than a few minutes, in a public place, is unacceptable. That's really depressing.

Aridane · 13/09/2015 19:14

I think we have all experienced the disjunct between a parent's perception of their child's behaviour in public (ie volume, duration, perception of others) and those subject to it...

Sunshineandsilverbirch · 13/09/2015 19:21

Ah I see South.

Well nothing excuses the horrible other diners who were clearly fairly unpleasant.

Happy child noise is lovely I agree, however if you have a child handy get out your stop watch and ask them to shout 'rah' for 5 minutes.

It's rather a long time.

Context makes a difference too. Lunchtime might have been ok. 9pm is not.

However the OP has very graciously listened to all opinions and advice so I'm sure she'll bear that in mind for the future and hopefully put this unpleasant experience behind her.

BerylStreep · 13/09/2015 19:23

In hindsight, it is clear that these people were the sort who love the drama of a fight. The best way of bursting their bubble is to completely ignore them.

hazeyjane · 13/09/2015 19:27

Jeez Louise, all this over a child 'rah-ing' for 5 minutes!

I don't think you, your dh or your dd WBU, but it doesn't surprise me that someone was so unpleasant. We have had people moan about us in the past, for no good reason.