Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Restaurant Argument

260 replies

Lauren1983 · 12/09/2015 22:33

Me, DP and and our 2 and a half year old went out for dinner tonight. We ended up getting to the restaurant at 8 slightly later than planned. It's a chain restaurant but a slightly upmarket one. We go there once a month with DD and always have a lovely time.

When we were waiting for our bill I nipped to the toilet during which a woman on the next table said excuse me to DP and asked if he could ''shut that child up'' and that DD ''wasn't normal''.

Up until a few minutes before I went to the toilet DD had been quiet - colouring and eating. DP made the mistake of saying dinosaur to DD which did result in her being noisy. I had attempted to calm her down but at that point we were waiting to pay so were leaving soon anyway. She was noisy (going rah!)for around 5 mins at most.

Things ended up getting quite heated as DP was fuming at the woman's comments. Two men on her table also joined in. The remaining member of their party (a woman) stayed silent. I told DP to take DD to the car as I paid the bill and finished my drink.

As I left I said in future it would be best if they kept comments to themselves. The main woman then said DD shouldn't have been out at the time and should know to behave, that her children were never like that etc. She even said ''bye girl'' to me to get me to leave (I must look younger than 31!) The main man make a sarcastic comment about the top I was wearing (a kimono that I think is nice but that's beside the point) and was spoiling for a fight. They complained about having to pay the full cost of their meal after we had ruined it.

I don't think they had the right to speak to us like that but was IBU to be at a restaurant at that time?

OP posts:
HorseyCool · 13/09/2015 10:48

If I went out without children after nine and there was a toddler roaring like a dinosaur for five mins I would be peeved.

merrymouse · 13/09/2015 10:53

Yep no we've already established that if you want to enjoy a meal without a brat screaming at the table next to you, you must be rich enough to only eat in 'proper' restaurants. Can I get the definition of those please so I know what to budget for?

No, you must choose a quiet restaurant rather than a casual pizza restaurant. Adults are just as capable of being noisy as children. Ask is the kind of place that is happy to cater for birthdays, hen parties, office parties etc. etc. it does not sell itself on its quiet ambience.

The idea that a restaurants are generally quiet places unless they cater for children is just plain wrong.

Dinosaursdontgrowontrees · 13/09/2015 10:54

I regularly take my nearly 3 yr old out to eat in London in the evening. We usually get to the restaurant about 7.30. No drama. She usually just sits and plays quietly, eats a bit then sometimes falls asleep. We have never had any complaints. I really don't see the issue.
Op I think yanbu. The other couple were extremely rude!

Viviennemary · 13/09/2015 10:54

I'm afraid I agree that two year olds shouldn't be taken to restaurants at that time of night. It depends on how much of a disturbance she was. People who have paid for a meal have the right to eat it without listening to yelling. Except in places like McDonalds of course. where you expect that kind of thing.

SouthAmericanCuisine · 13/09/2015 10:54

I'm saying if you can't control your child so that they don't spend 5+ minutes loudyling and annnoyingly roaring like a dinasour disturbing others then wait until you can before going out for dinner?

Damn, I feel like a failure. Ive never had that kind of reliable control of my DD.

My (very lovely) DD was never that predictable or compliant. We took her to family friendly restaurants when she was a baby - usually she'd stay asleep in her car seat, but occasionally, she'd wake, and cry until she was fed.
As a toddler, she'd more often than not charm the other diners in the family friendly restaurants we frequented, with her cute and winning ways, but now and again, she'd shriek, or imitate the dog/cat/monkey we'd seen on the way.
And now she's a teen, we go to a wider range of restaurants, even some which don't allow DCs under 12, and she's usually quite well mannered, but now and again, she leaves her phone turned on and it rings, to the tutting of diners at the next table.

My DD has a mind of her own, I don't have ultimate "control" - so I'd better keep her locked up, hadn't I?

merrymouse · 13/09/2015 10:56

And for all I know the fat duck is a lively restaurant that encourages large parties, so maybe it is also to be avoided if you want peace and quiet.

mileend2bermondsey · 13/09/2015 10:57

So which restaurants are suitable Merry? So far you've only given me the Fat Duck to chose from and the price and the 400 mile round trip might be a bit much for me. Am I allowed to go to any high street restaurant without expecting to have my meal ruined by wailing children or am I being ridiculous?

SouthAmericanCuisine · 13/09/2015 10:58

vivienne why is McDonalds any different?

Ask offers the same wide range of family friendly practices as McDonalds - in fact, it dedicates more space on its website to encouraging families with young DCs than McDonalds does.

There are loads of restaurants, in all price brackets, which put age restrictions in place after 7pm; but Ask Isn't one of them.

00100001 · 13/09/2015 10:58

This kind of thing happened to me once, and the next table were tutting and giving us Significant Looks.

I got pissed off with them and said "You know he's three and still learning how to behave politely... What's your excuse for being so rude?"

Fuckers.

mileend2bermondsey · 13/09/2015 11:01

If you dont enjoy having your meal ruined by a random misbehaving child youre rude!

Havalina1 · 13/09/2015 11:01

To my mind, if the restaurant allows them in at that time fellow diners should know it's par for the course. Yes it might not be pleasant, but it's no reason for their behaviour.

merrymouse · 13/09/2015 11:06

So which restaurants are suitable Merry?

A quiet restaurant that sells itself on its intimate atmosphere? Maybe check trip advisor? The point is that if you go to Ask you are as likely to sit next to a group of students about to go out on the piss or the start of a hen party as a 2 year old going 'rah' for 5 minutes.

Personally I'd prefer the 2 year old.

Many restaurants are noisy - that is just the business model that the owners have chosen.

SouthAmericanCuisine · 13/09/2015 11:17

I think what a lot of people aren't prepared to admit is that a 2 year old going 'rah' would irritate them more than an shrieking hen party, or loud students.

Bambambini · 13/09/2015 11:23

"The idea that a restaurants are generally quiet places unless they cater for children is just plain wrong."

Yio, been sitting having a nice meal with friends where the table next to us had hired a stripper kissogram for one of their family so had the whole him stripping off, getting her to rub oil or such on him and other stuff with his bare thonged bum in our faces and all the cheering and laughing. But at least there were no kids there.

IguanaTail · 13/09/2015 11:30

costa if you're still around - I wonder what it is about the local kids where you live on the continent which means they are considerate and tolerable at any hour, but not the holiday kids?

ilovesooty · 13/09/2015 11:35

I don't see why people are focusing on loud adult parties which have no bearing on this situation.
Apparently anywhere "pizza related" means you have to accept child noise whatever time it is?
I must admit that I'd be irritated by a parent who thought it was acceptable to stimulate a toddler to roar for five minutes plus particularly later in the evening and I wonder if the noise continued while you were in the toilet with your OH doing little to address it.
However the other party were appallingly rude and I agree it sounds as though they were looking to get a reduction on the bill.

SideOrderofChips · 13/09/2015 11:38

If i am out for a meal on a saturday night i am doing it without my children. Which generally means i dont want to have to listen to someone elses.

But i can't overly comment on the resturant as i have never heard of the chain.

SouthAmericanCuisine · 13/09/2015 11:41

I don't see why people are focusing on loud adult parties which have no bearing on this situation

Is "child noise" different from adult noise, then?

Would you welcome shrieks of laughter from pissed hen parties, and raucous rounds of applause from drunk student, but a toddler behaving in a perfectly normal and child like way would ruin your evening?

LunchpackOfNotreDame · 13/09/2015 11:44

Some things you expect in certain places at certain times

In a restaurant past 8pm you expect adult orientated noise not other people's poorly behaved offspring and noisy electronic toys which seems to be the done thing round here.

Costacoffeeplease · 13/09/2015 11:46

Local kids are just much better behaved, even very young ones, I don't know why it's different, but it is - and actually some other nationalities too. They sit at the table, no tantrums or screaming or running around, older kids engage the younger ones - maybe it's that a lot of the time they're out as a large extended family from babies to grandparents so there are lots of cousins/aunts/uncles etc around, but it's always much more relaxed than the British families I see

Bambambini · 13/09/2015 11:46

"I don't see why people are focusing on loud adult parties which have no bearing on the situation."

Maybe because i've had a lot more unpleasant dining experiences from loud or badly behaved adults than from children. But it's children who are being pointed out as the unnacceptable ones here.

Aridane · 13/09/2015 11:48

A genuine question - prompted by posters saying cildren are out and about and eating late at night and welcomed on the continent.

Yes - this has been my experience in Greece, Cyprus, Turkey, Spain and the Middle East. but the children seem so much better behaved.

Why? why?

It can't be genetic, surely, that children there don't seem to 'rah', wreak havoc running around in cafes 'being children', and scream + shout etc?

Nor do I think I can have been freakishly lucky not seeing this UK 'normal' behaviour abroad.

So would be interested to know why

LunchpackOfNotreDame · 13/09/2015 11:49

Continental parenting seems to operate on the basis of benign neglect and natural consequences.

ilovesooty · 13/09/2015 11:49

I think poorly regulated noise from adult parties is inconsiderate and irritating too, but that's not what the OP is about.

Aridane · 13/09/2015 11:50

Bloody hell, you lot type quickly

Cross post - but still interested in responses...