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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Restaurant Argument

260 replies

Lauren1983 · 12/09/2015 22:33

Me, DP and and our 2 and a half year old went out for dinner tonight. We ended up getting to the restaurant at 8 slightly later than planned. It's a chain restaurant but a slightly upmarket one. We go there once a month with DD and always have a lovely time.

When we were waiting for our bill I nipped to the toilet during which a woman on the next table said excuse me to DP and asked if he could ''shut that child up'' and that DD ''wasn't normal''.

Up until a few minutes before I went to the toilet DD had been quiet - colouring and eating. DP made the mistake of saying dinosaur to DD which did result in her being noisy. I had attempted to calm her down but at that point we were waiting to pay so were leaving soon anyway. She was noisy (going rah!)for around 5 mins at most.

Things ended up getting quite heated as DP was fuming at the woman's comments. Two men on her table also joined in. The remaining member of their party (a woman) stayed silent. I told DP to take DD to the car as I paid the bill and finished my drink.

As I left I said in future it would be best if they kept comments to themselves. The main woman then said DD shouldn't have been out at the time and should know to behave, that her children were never like that etc. She even said ''bye girl'' to me to get me to leave (I must look younger than 31!) The main man make a sarcastic comment about the top I was wearing (a kimono that I think is nice but that's beside the point) and was spoiling for a fight. They complained about having to pay the full cost of their meal after we had ruined it.

I don't think they had the right to speak to us like that but was IBU to be at a restaurant at that time?

OP posts:
Katnisnevergreen · 13/09/2015 09:39

Ask is a family restaurant and, as others have said, nowhere does it state that it stops being so after a certain time. If you don't want to eat in a restaurant with children, don't eat in a family restaurant. It's pretty simple. YANBU

But if the only places where you live are 'family restaurants' then how can people eat elsewhere??
This is what I take umbrage with...why should a family take precedence over a couple of several single friends?

SouthAmericanCuisine · 13/09/2015 09:42

if the only places where you live are 'family restaurants' then how can people eat elsewhere

Eating out isn't a human right. If you're not prepared to travel to eat out, and not willing to put up with DCs, then don't go!

goblinhat · 13/09/2015 09:43

I can't stand noisy kids in restaurants- at any time. Five minutes is a long time to be noisy for.
If you can't handle your child don't take her somewhere that she will disrupt other people trying to have a relaxing quiet time.

pictish · 13/09/2015 09:46

Can't believe anyone would get a steam up over dinosaur noises from a 2 yr old for five minutes anywhere, never mind a family orientated chain restaurant on a Saturday night.
How intolerant.

SouthAmericanCuisine · 13/09/2015 09:46

goblin given your dislike of DCs, would you really go to a chain restaurant that markets itself on its family friendly practice for a "relaxing, quiet time"?

Surely that's setting yourself up to fail?

goblinhat · 13/09/2015 09:53

I love children.
I don't think kids should be noisy in inappropriate places.

And that includes restaurants.

AnnieNon · 13/09/2015 09:53

If I go to a restaurant or cafe I often ask for a table away from any kids regardless of the time of day and I won't go to places where there are loads of kids. I find some little kids and babies irritating and I find loud 'parenting' even more irritating. I think it's perfectly ok to take kids to restaurants and cafes it just that I don't want to sit next to them.

I would never be rude to anyone though. Even though I'd find ten seconds 5 mins of rah'ing super annoying.

LunchpackOfNotreDame · 13/09/2015 09:58

There are a couple of places here I actively avoid because they have effectively become mums and toddler groups (giraffe, Costa and pret I glare in your general direction!)

lorelei9 · 13/09/2015 09:58

haven't read the whole thread but on the basis of your info, YANBU

I would be unhappy about sitting next to a 2 year old going "RAH!" but that isn't the point. I would never ever say anything to you about it. The rules of the restaurant allow your child in at all times. That's it. She wasn't running around letting waiters trip over her or anything.

I do understand the frustration of there not being any childfree restaurants or the times being restricted to after 8pm usually (in bars and so on) but that is not an excuse for anyone to be so incredibly rude! It makes me wonder if they were looking for a fight - especially with that thing about your DD being "not normal"? WTAF?!

also if they think they shouldn't have to pay full price, they need to take it up with the manager of the restaurant, not tell you! Really rude.

SouthAmericanCuisine · 13/09/2015 10:01

goblin I'm struggling to understand how anyone can believe that a venue that actively invites, encourages and provides for children can be an inappropriate place for them. Are all family-friendly restaurants wrong, in your opinion?

What about other venues that are marketed at families? Theme parks? Zoos? Stately homes? Is it inappropriate for DCs to behave like DCs there, too - in case they disrupt adults who want to enjoy the facility without hearing the noise of DCs?

If not, why not? Why are restaurants different?

mileend2bermondsey · 13/09/2015 10:03

I can't believe some of these responses. Especially the one along the lines of if they want peace they should pay to go to a proper restaurant
So anyone who can't afford to go to a 'proper restaurant' deserves to have their evening ruined be inconsiderate arsholes who can't keep their children under control?
Okay . . .

Rdoo · 13/09/2015 10:05

I know, oh - we can't eat out after 6 in the UK as it's too late, rude, annoying to others - but if we are somewhere else - who cares.

Well it seems that unless you're prepared to listen to noisy and misbehaving children you can't go to most high street restaurants at any time of the day.

UK culture is so bloody hard on children in a whole lot of ways.
That's breathtaking.

I think if UK parents want the same tolerance shown to children as is shown on the continent they're going to need to realise that their child cannot do what they want and are not the center of the universe.

Ohwhatfuckeryisthis · 13/09/2015 10:10

Hang on. Never mind the arguments about when kids should be out, they then made personal comments to op spoiled for a row and tried to get a discount? Pound to a penny they do this everywhere, Making complaints about minor things to get free garlic bread. (And they also like being rude. Few too many proseccos?)

SouthAmericanCuisine · 13/09/2015 10:10

So anyone who can't afford to go to a 'proper restaurant' deserves to have their evening ruined be inconsiderate arsholes who can't keep their children under control?

Not at all; if you can't "afford" a proper restaurant, and don't want to hear the noise of DCs, then stay at home!

Just the same as not being able to afford a child-free holiday venue, or a house in a child-free gated community.

Children are part of society - you can avoid places that actively encourage them.

mileend2bermondsey · 13/09/2015 10:19

Not at all; if you can't "afford" a proper restaurant, and don't want to hear the noise of DCs, then stay at home

hahahah ok everyone who wants to enjoy a quiet meal without a 2 year old roaring like a dinasour for five minutes should just fuck off basically.

Or perhaps the parents should stay at home until their child has learnt to be quiet when told to do so? No that's stupid, it should definately be the people who aren't causing the problem who have to leave.

roundtable · 13/09/2015 10:20

I went to an Applebees in Florida for drinks at the bar with my husband. We were lucky enough to have the kids babysat for the evening.

A couple with a baby about a year old came in at 10pm had dinner and drinks. The baby was screaming, they were having an argument about something but they didn't leave until 12am. I was Shock

8 o'clock was nothing. They were probably people who love a ruckus on a night out. They likely describe themselves as telling it straight. No point reasoning with people like that.

We had a random couple trying to start a fight with us at a restaurant one night. The owners ended up calling the police because they've got form and they'd had enough. Saw them a week later at soft play. I just looked at them and shook my head. They knew. I hope they were at least slightly embarrassed by their behaviour but they'll probably go out, get pissed and do it again whilst justifying their behaviour to themselves.

Some people must have very sad lives I think and then take it out on others. Don't worry about it.

mum11970 · 13/09/2015 10:32

Op, you said you were going to suggest your dp took your dd outside as she was being noisier than you would have liked, before you went to the toilet and asked for the bill but you also said she only started going rah whilst you were in the toilet. How long was she being noisy for? 5 minutes of rah after her already being noisy. Whilst the other diners were very rude, it does sound like the noise had been going on for more than 5 minutes.

SouthAmericanCuisine · 13/09/2015 10:34

milee. It's simple market forces at work.

Some Restaurants make more more money by being family friendly and encouraging DCs, then by shutting families out and catering to those adults who won't tolerate DCs. Others promote a child free environment.

if families with DCs didn't go to family friendly restaurants, for fear of upsetting diners without DCs, then the restaurant wouldn't be as profitable and would possibly close - would that be the fault of families, too?

littleducks · 13/09/2015 10:36

I can see both sides.

They seem very rude but you weren't as apologetic as I would have hoped (a whole 5 mins going rah while people were eating?).

I went out for an alone meal with dh on candles 2 years ago as kids sports club are doing a babysitting evening to raise money for charity, I was pg and knew it would be the last chance for a while. Our evening was totally ruined by the inane chatter of the restaurant owners child. We just sucked it up and i wouldn't dream of complaining but it was really upsetting. Haven't gone back there but haven't had an evening out together since either.

mileend2bermondsey · 13/09/2015 10:39

I'm not saying families should go out. I'm saying if you can't control your child so that they don't spend 5+ minutes loudyling and annnoyingly roaring like a dinasour disturbing others then wait until you can before going out for dinner? It's called having consideration for others.

merrymouse · 13/09/2015 10:41

Don't think 5 minutes of 'rah' would be more annoying than e.g. A party of 20 celebrating a birthday. It was Ask pizza, not the Fat Duck.

PerpendicularVincent · 13/09/2015 10:43

YANBU, OP.

We have a small child and occasionally take him out with us for dinner. 2 reasons; no one to babysit and we want him with us. Our anniversary meal this year was a romantic meal for 3 Grin.

8pm is maybe slightly late imho, but that's your business not ours. You know your child, we don't.

Being that everyone is equal, you have every right to take DD to dinner where ever and whenever you like. These people were unnecessarily rude, and shouldn't have made the nasty comments that they did.

Ultimately, they mean nothing to you though so try and forget it.

Anyone who wants an adult only environment should really hang out in Ann Summers. You can pretty much guarantee seeing children everywhere else.

mileend2bermondsey · 13/09/2015 10:45

Ask pizza, not the Fat Duck
Yep no we've already established that if you want to enjoy a meal without a brat screaming at the table next to you, you must be rich enough to only eat in 'proper' restaurants. Can I get the definition of those please so I know what to budget for?

ghostspirit · 13/09/2015 10:45

the other people just did not want to pay their full bill so used op's family to try get some money off their bill.

merrymouse · 13/09/2015 10:46

I also suspect that the other diners were far less annoyed by 5 minutes of dinosaur sounds than what sounds like a lengthy slanging match.