Restaurant Argument

[Lauren1983]

Me, DP and and our 2 and a half year old went out for dinner tonight. We ended up getting to the restaurant at 8 slightly later than planned. It's a chain restaurant but a slightly upmarket one. We go there once a month with DD and always have a lovely time.

When we were waiting for our bill I nipped to the toilet during which a woman on the next table said excuse me to DP and asked if he could ''shut that child up'' and that DD ''wasn't normal''.

Up until a few minutes before I went to the toilet DD had been quiet - colouring and eating. DP made the mistake of saying dinosaur to DD which did result in her being noisy. I had attempted to calm her down but at that point we were waiting to pay so were leaving soon anyway. She was noisy (going rah!)for around 5 mins at most.

Things ended up getting quite heated as DP was fuming at the woman's comments. Two men on her table also joined in. The remaining member of their party (a woman) stayed silent. I told DP to take DD to the car as I paid the bill and finished my drink.

As I left I said in future it would be best if they kept comments to themselves. The main woman then said DD shouldn't have been out at the time and should know to behave, that her children were never like that etc. She even said ''bye girl'' to me to get me to leave (I must look younger than 31!) The main man make a sarcastic comment about the top I was wearing (a kimono that I think is nice but that's beside the point) and was spoiling for a fight. They complained about having to pay the full cost of their meal after we had ruined it.

I don't think they had the right to speak to us like that but was IBU to be at a restaurant at that time?

They sound like completely rude arseholes, really unpleasant. Some really precious folk here about kids eating in restaurants - 8 o' clock too late?. I bet it's different when you are on holiday.

The other diners and quite a few of the people responding are being unreasonable.

We've been taking our three year old daughter with us out for dinner about once a month for the last year. We often don't get the food arriving until 8pm and she will happily stay up until 10pm without getting tired, tearful or difficult. It's not every night, but as an occasional treat she is very adaptable and we started after a holiday in Spain where it seemed to be the norm to eat out in the evening with young children. I think it has really helped her as she is generally really well behaved and knows how to act in restaurants.

We choose family friendly chains. If somewhere has colouring, children's menu and a family policy then you have to expect there might be children there.

Generally big groups celebrating adult birthdays are a lot noisier and more disruptive.

Ask is upmarket now?

They sound AWFUL, and there's no justification for that.

But (and I have lived abroad) I think your husband winding your daughter up to make dinosaur noises was unreasonable. I expect it was longer, louder, and more irritating than you describe too. Even 5 minutes of it would annoy.

Kid sees a dinosaur picture and roars once, dad laughs and says "good roar - but let's do dinosaur whispers because we don't want to scare the other people here!" = cute. I'd lean over and do a whisper roar of my own, or say "did you just hear a dinosaur?" with a wink. Cute.

Dad encouraging child in noisy roaring? Not so cute.

Unless you are on holiday and eating out is unavoidable, I do think 8 is too late to be taking a two year old out for dinner

Up to what time can 2 yr olds eat in public? How old do DCs have to be before 8pm is permitted?

I thought "children should be seen but not heard" was a sentiment from Victorian times!

wicks it was a weatherspoons - not purpose built -used to be privately run small hotel, bar and restaurant. It was the adult responsible for the children that couldn't have more than 2 alcoholic drinks -not all adults! I suspect they'd had problems with people not bothering with a baby sitter and sitting their DCs in the restaurant whilst getting pissed until the early hours...
Locally it is a 'posh' area - and not somewhere you'd find youngsters doing a pub crawl around town etc- you wouldn't expect it be particularly lively...I am

I know, oh - we can't eat out after 6 in the UK as it's too late, rude, annoying to others - but if we are somewhere else - who cares.

Hi Lauren I did wonder if that was the case - that you hadn't needed to take her out before.

As the get older, and chattier they do often need reminded about appropriate volume levels in certain public places.

Clearly this is the first time it had occurred and you were unfortunate enough to encounter extremely rude people but next time take her out.

People usually wait a while before working themselves up to complain about the noise , it is best to take them out before anyone complains.

For every person that complains there are 10 more tables seething silently.

Both parties are unreasonable here.

If I go out at 8pm or later for dinner I don't expect other people's children to be just starting their meal and I will roll my eyes at it and consider going to another place to eat.

They were rude for picking a fight but I suspect you were more annoying than you're letting on especially if your dc was getting tired and ratty by then

It's just occurred to me that once a year on a particular author's birthday, the literary society I belong has a dinner at an Italian chain restaurant. I bring the DC or I wouldn't be able to go. We usually leave at about 11. We're not the only people who bring children. We've never had anyone complain. The staff are usually lovely.

I think that 'family friendly' is now applied to almost all high street chains, by families in order to eat there. Where I live there are several high street chains eg Wagamamas and Italians, which I don't think are necessarily aimed at families, but on here they are all claimed to be in order to justify children being noisy etc. when you live somewhere with very little choice, and both would like to have a drink and therefore not drive 20 odd mins to a nice pub, I don't see why I should have to put up with loud families who feel they have the moral high ground for their behaviour.
Many places may be 'family friendly' to avoid the onslaught they would face if they didnot treat families accecptably, but this does not mean their other paying customers should have to suffer.

Quote

They were rude.
But 'rah'hing is really really annoying.

It certainly is. Especially if it's an adult ( usually but not always a male) doing it to a small child or heaven help us a baby even. You can really see the scared look on their faces then. Then when the child is wound up and the adult has got bored of the silly game there's an over excited child to deal with.

Again, not always the adult doing the 'rah- Ing) is very often not the parent.

This, to me is up there with tickling.

I never allowed tickling when my children were little.

This was in response to the quote and not to you op.

It's not just the noise children make. It's the fact they are children.

If I'm out eating at 8pm (which is late for me let alone a child), it's because I am taking a rare much appreciated break from children. I love that in the UK I can go to a restaurant doing the day find highchair and baby change facilties but by 8 I can reasonably expect a more adult orientated environment

I don't get this how wonderful the kid friendly culture is on the continent. Not everyone wants to be around kids all the time, least of all other people's.

I am a fantastic fan of kids eating out, but in the right places at the right times.

differentnameforthis said what I would have wanted to.

A pot of crayons on the table does not a child-friendly atmosphere make, particularly when others (who consider it entirely acceptable for adults to belch loudly ) are shooting their disapproval death-rays because young children and families make easy targets.

UK culture is so bloody hard on children in a whole lot of ways.

Toffee - you really just wantbit all your own way, don't you? What makes your wishes and money any better or more important than someone with their children? What if i can only go out eating through the day and don't want your kids about then?

OP, you know your DD and what she is like. You are best to judge whether she'll get tired at 8/9 o'clock. It's nobody else's business.

Ask is a family restaurant and, as others have said, nowhere does it state that it stops being so after a certain time. If you don't want to eat in a restaurant with children, don't eat in a family restaurant. It's pretty simple. YANBU

You were both unreasonable. I wouldn't allow my kids to roar at all and would remove them if they didn't stop. They were unreasonable to be rude but not to ask your husband to stop the behaviour. I asked a parent to turn down the TV programme her child was watching on her phone in pizza express as it it was disturbing me-why wouldn't I say something? (I am a big headphone fan).

I'm most at 'bye girl' comment. They sound horrific

Yep totally I do.

But to be fair I live by it when i take children out to eat too. It's not difficult.

I think Britain is fantastically family friendly. But I think the balance is also right too

Vile creatures, them not you.

There are plenty of "over 18 only" evening venues for those adults who want a child-free evening. And other venues which cater for families who want to eat later.

There'll always be some people who want everything their own way.

It was Ask. Not an upmarket restaurant. My children have been in ask at a family meal until gone 10 before because of the shit service. If they wanted a nice adult meal they should have gone to a nice adult restaurant otherwise there is the risk that there may be noisy children etc etc. They were absolutely being unreasonable to say anything to you however if it were me I would have sent her out to the car with DH while you settled up etc instead of allowing her to carry on for five mins.

They were arseholes,honestly when ever we eat out I always usually find that large tables of adults usually make far more noise than even the noisest children in the restaurants.

Your little girl sounds like she's very well behaved as well!Sounds like she could teach those so called adults a thing or 2 about manners and how to behave.

I've only ever moved tables once because of a child and that's because as soon as the Mum and her daughter sat at a table next to us the little girl grabbed my cutlery,pulled at my hair and kept getting down from her seat to come to our table.She was 5 years old and the Mum was bloody useless she even buggered of to the toilets for 10 minutes and left the little girl as she expected us to watch her,even after she'd seen what her daughter had been doing

I think you should take your DD to eat wherever you want and whatever time you want. However, I would find five minutes of 'rah'ing' extremely irritating even if you were leaving. I really disapprove of passive aggressive shite but I might have ended up giving you a look.

I would find it less irritating if it were at a downmarket kiddy restaurant.

They WBU to be rude to you but YWBU to let your DD 'rah'

If their evening "was ruined," it sounds as if that was of their own making. It was a few minutes and you were obviously about to leave anyway, so kicking off in the way that they did and provoking an argument about it was what created the unpleasant atmosphere, not a small child making dinosaur noises while she had her coat put on.

"I am a fantastic fan of kids eating out, but in the right places at the right times." And who decides what those "right places and times" are? Is there a list somewhere?