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AIBU?

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Original poster

Restaurant Argument

260 replies

Lauren1983 · 12/09/2015 22:33

Me, DP and and our 2 and a half year old went out for dinner tonight. We ended up getting to the restaurant at 8 slightly later than planned. It's a chain restaurant but a slightly upmarket one. We go there once a month with DD and always have a lovely time.

When we were waiting for our bill I nipped to the toilet during which a woman on the next table said excuse me to DP and asked if he could ''shut that child up'' and that DD ''wasn't normal''.

Up until a few minutes before I went to the toilet DD had been quiet - colouring and eating. DP made the mistake of saying dinosaur to DD which did result in her being noisy. I had attempted to calm her down but at that point we were waiting to pay so were leaving soon anyway. She was noisy (going rah!)for around 5 mins at most.

Things ended up getting quite heated as DP was fuming at the woman's comments. Two men on her table also joined in. The remaining member of their party (a woman) stayed silent. I told DP to take DD to the car as I paid the bill and finished my drink.

As I left I said in future it would be best if they kept comments to themselves. The main woman then said DD shouldn't have been out at the time and should know to behave, that her children were never like that etc. She even said ''bye girl'' to me to get me to leave (I must look younger than 31!) The main man make a sarcastic comment about the top I was wearing (a kimono that I think is nice but that's beside the point) and was spoiling for a fight. They complained about having to pay the full cost of their meal after we had ruined it.

I don't think they had the right to speak to us like that but was IBU to be at a restaurant at that time?

OP posts:
maddening · 13/09/2015 00:30

Bet if it had been a table of loud adults they wouldn't have been so bold - tbh the obnoxious loud adult types are far more irritating when dining than a 2.5 yo doing dinosaur impressions for a few mins - they were rude and possibly cheap types always looking for that 20% knocked off the bill.

WicksEnd · 13/09/2015 00:33

What restaurant was that? Unlucky83 'Adults can't have more than two alcoholic drinks' Shock

I'm torn re the OP, tbh I'd be gutted to be sat next to a 2.5yo if I was having a well earned and anticipated (not to mention planned babysitters etc ) night out with DH. You go out at night to have a break from it. I wouldn't have said anything though.

NobodyLivesHere · 13/09/2015 00:35

whatever time it was, anyone who said my child 'wasnt normal' would have had the sharp end of my tongue. there is a way to ask someone to be quiet.

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 13/09/2015 01:50

I would rather a child doing dinosaur impressions than a group of twatty adults who belch loudly and think it acceptable to imply a child is not normal, next to me at dinner. Children can be much more entertaining company.

Aridane · 13/09/2015 02:13

Yep - they were rude and offensive, no doubt about that - but i think YWBU (for reasons other posters have articulated)

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 13/09/2015 02:32

I would have joined in with the dinosaur impressions. Your DD sounds cute.

I have always failed to understand adults who want an adult dinner (or lunch) going to family restaurants, never mind what time it is.

Giraffe
Pizza Express
Pizza Hut
Ask
Actually anything pizza related
Nandos
Frankie & Benny's
Wagamama
Yo Sushi
Etc
Etc

differentnameforthis · 13/09/2015 02:37

Having moved to another country, I can now see how unchild friendly the UK really is. This!!

And is 8pm late for a toddler with absolutely no commitments the following day? So she was stirred up by her dad & said rah a few times. It's cute & I wouldn't think that had spoilt my meal. If I was a fellow diner, not either of the involved parties, I think that the people complaining were being more unreasonable.

I hate this culture of children should be seen & not heard. Sitting at a table, communicating with her parents, enjoying herself..blimey.

At that age my DC would have been intolerable that late at night. That's your child. It doesn't follow that all children will be. And your experience shouldn't dictate what others do.

6 is our usual time so the comments here about the time are good ones I will keep in mind. No op, do what you want, when you want. If your daughter is OK with it, that's fine. Don't let people who don't even know you (or even those who do) dictate what you can & can't do as a family.

It's the fecking adults who need to check themselves. Talking as if the whole room wants to hear them, being rude to wait staff, being obnoxious drunk bastards. I have never met a child I didn't like, but plenty of bloody adults who think the world owes them.

Ask may be a family friendly restaurant chain - but not at 8pm, dare I say. Nothing on the website that says children not welcome after 8pm, so I dare say that yes, it is a family restaurant.

If your meal is in fact being ruined by someone, you ask wait staff to deal with it. Because they can do so, diplomatically. You don't tell anyone to "shut that child up" and call her "not normal" and start criticizing what the parents are wearing! That's just bullshit. And it makes you look like a tosser.

I'd be going out for food at 8/9pm hoping not to be bothered by small children and their dinosaur impressions. Then you wouldn't be going to a family restaurant, would you? Where children are very welcome!

TheDowagerCuntess · 13/09/2015 03:12

They sound socially inept at best; unhinged at worst.

We were out for dinner last night and there was about a 2/3YO tuning up and down next to our table towards the end of the meal.

So what? I mean she clearly had some energy to burn after sitting at the table for a while. Not our problem.

People who get so wound up about this sort of thing are clearly having a crap night in dull company, otherwise they wouldn't care/notice what other people are even doing.

Genuine bad behaviour / sure, that will annoy people. But this? Miseries, the lot of them. Don't pay them any heed.

IguanaTail · 13/09/2015 04:01

I would be irritated but would probably not have said anything. They were very rude but the whole thing could have been avoided if your husband had taken her outside to do her dinosaur noises away from other diners.

I'm surprised your 2 year old can handle a meal out starting at 8pm and not have her routine/sleep thrown for quite a while!

I would expect families and noise at 6pm or 7pm at a push.

FaceFullOfFilleronthe45 · 13/09/2015 04:11

Unless you are on holiday and eating out is unavoidable, I do think 8 is too late to be taking a two year old out for dinner. There is a risk that she could have become tired and cranky and start crying, screaming or becoming disruptive which would spoil the atmosphere for people trying to enjoy their meal.

Having said that, if she was sitting nicely and making no more volume than a group of adults laughing would make then I think those people behaved like rude intolerant arseholes.

RyanORiley · 13/09/2015 04:24

I think you could have handled your DC being noisy a bit better (taken her out as you were finished eating anyway, eaten a but earlier), but it doesn't excuse how rude they were to you. Sounds like they were spoiling for a fight and someone would have gotten it in the neck anyway.

londonrach · 13/09/2015 06:55

Yabu re eating in ask. We had terrible food there and i ill never eat at ask again.. 8pm (and as you eating it could be 9pm) is very late for a 2 year old. Did she nap during the day. However lady wad rude re continuing the conversation. She dealt with it wrong. She certainly should have mentioned it to your dh and he should have apologised etc However her continued comments were rude. On the fence here.

BathshebaDarkstone · 13/09/2015 07:04

I'd say that your DD was displaying perfectly normal behaviour for a 2.5 year old. It is late to take a child that age out to eat, but it depends on when she'd normally eat. I think YANBU, and I think the other people ABU for not eating somewhere more likely to be child free.

ChatEnOeuf · 13/09/2015 07:18

Incredibly rude of them! We live on the continent and while nowhere is especially child friendly (no crayons or changing facilities), our DD has always been welcomed at whatever time we eat.

Yes, a RAHing toddler is a bit annoying (we get enough of that at home thanks) but if they aren't screaming or running around then I can't get upset about it.

TravellingToad · 13/09/2015 07:23

They were so rude and shouldn't have said anything. On the other hand you were massively unreasonable to take a 2.5 year old out for dinner at 8pm

No matter how well behaved they are any 2 year old will be struggling by the time you're finished at 9/9.30 and you are probably immune to them but a 2 year old shouting RAAAR insessentaly would be bloody irritating

Not something I'd expect to see at that time of night.

Toffeelatteplease · 13/09/2015 07:23

The people next table were rude. But I don't think your DD was in the right place either.

If you cannot quiet your child (because once they get it in there head they're off) then 8pm on a Saturday night in a restaurant, chain or otherwise is entirely the wrong place to be.

Clearly your neighbours were drunk as a skunk.

BrendaandEddie · 13/09/2015 07:30

8pm on s sTirdzy night would piss me off. And the dinosaur thing for 5 minutes too.

SunnyNights · 13/09/2015 07:43

YANBU, I'd rather listen to a toddler saying 'rah' than the shrieking and drunkeness of groups of women that I see a lot in restaurants on a Sat evening!

Costacoffeeplease · 13/09/2015 07:44

I also live on the continent, and children are in restaurants and generally out and about much later than in the UK - and it's not a problem as they're almost always very well behaved. I don't remember when I last heard a 'local' child make a noise and disturb people at adjacent tables.

BrendaandEddie · 13/09/2015 08:01

Totally different culture though

Rdoo · 13/09/2015 08:02

They were obviously rude bit I can imagine it was extremely irritating for them.
As a side note, I don't think it's acceptable to allow your child to disturb others without an attempt to stop them. It doesn't matter what time it is or where you're eating.

Doraydiego · 13/09/2015 08:05

My kids eat out late, but they don't dick around.
Being called girl is not a comment on how old you look. It is designed to be derogatory.

oolaroola · 13/09/2015 08:09

They were clearly horrible people who probably cause this kind of thing everywhere they go. They're going to have to put up with themselves though aren't they?

Sometimes, plans go awry and children end up eating later than they may like to - big deal. Tolerance obviously passed this horrible lot by.

I'd think no more about it if I were you - so what if they are a nasty bunch - that's for them to deal with.

Costacoffeeplease · 13/09/2015 08:13

Yes, different culture, absolutely, which is exactly my point. It shows it is entirely possible to have children out in restaurants, well into the evening, without them causing a disturbance to everyone around them - there's a big difference between the behaviour of the local children and the holiday families

bittapitta · 13/09/2015 08:14

Pre kids I would've been irked by this too. I want a night out without children around. I expect the "not normal" comment has been taken out of context and she was saying it's not normal to be out at a restaurant with a two year old at 9pm on a Saturday night! What time did you actually leave OP?