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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Restaurant Argument

260 replies

Lauren1983 · 12/09/2015 22:33

Me, DP and and our 2 and a half year old went out for dinner tonight. We ended up getting to the restaurant at 8 slightly later than planned. It's a chain restaurant but a slightly upmarket one. We go there once a month with DD and always have a lovely time.

When we were waiting for our bill I nipped to the toilet during which a woman on the next table said excuse me to DP and asked if he could ''shut that child up'' and that DD ''wasn't normal''.

Up until a few minutes before I went to the toilet DD had been quiet - colouring and eating. DP made the mistake of saying dinosaur to DD which did result in her being noisy. I had attempted to calm her down but at that point we were waiting to pay so were leaving soon anyway. She was noisy (going rah!)for around 5 mins at most.

Things ended up getting quite heated as DP was fuming at the woman's comments. Two men on her table also joined in. The remaining member of their party (a woman) stayed silent. I told DP to take DD to the car as I paid the bill and finished my drink.

As I left I said in future it would be best if they kept comments to themselves. The main woman then said DD shouldn't have been out at the time and should know to behave, that her children were never like that etc. She even said ''bye girl'' to me to get me to leave (I must look younger than 31!) The main man make a sarcastic comment about the top I was wearing (a kimono that I think is nice but that's beside the point) and was spoiling for a fight. They complained about having to pay the full cost of their meal after we had ruined it.

I don't think they had the right to speak to us like that but was IBU to be at a restaurant at that time?

OP posts:
Original poster
Lauren1983 · 12/09/2015 23:35

Sunshineandsilverbirch -

We have never taken her out as she is not normally noisy. She has never had a screaming fit or tantrum in public and is a generally happy child who loves going out.

As she was being noisy this time I was actually going to tell DP to take her to car while I got the bill after I had been to the toilet but by the time I came back it had all kicked off.

OP posts:
SalemSaberhagen · 12/09/2015 23:43

YANBU for thinking they are rude, they sound horrible.

But you shouldn't really be saying a word to a child that will set them off on a 5 minute dinosaur impression if you are in a restaurant late, it's just a bit thoughtless to the other diners.

honeyroar · 12/09/2015 23:43

I can see how a toddler making a racket could be really annoying for other people, but they were really, really rude. The right thing to do would be to ignore them completely, but I'd have been tempted to comment to them on the way out that no matter how bad your child may be at 2yrs old, I promise that it will have better manners when grown up, and will never be found ranting and shouting in a restaurant and making comments about other people's clothes!

Cutthegra55 · 12/09/2015 23:44

They were very rude, but I wonder how many other customers were also finding their late evening meal disrupted.

Just because it is a "family friendly" restaurant, most would assume that meant children would be there earlier rather than later.

I would never complain out loud though, but would be relieved when the noise stopped.

ChristineDePisan · 12/09/2015 23:45

DP was BU by winding her up, particularly as she was presumably tired by the end of the meal (closer to 9pm than 8pm by then?)

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 12/09/2015 23:47

No You were not being unreasonable. They were pathetic bullies soley intent on picking a fight, and they chose to call a little baby try to start one.
Well let me tell you, tgey carry on acting intimidating and bullying like thst. They will piss quiite a few people off,who will give them a fight alright! Not condoning it. Just saying it as it is.
I really don't know what two year olds she knows but I can assure you there is nothing abnormal with your DD behaviour. That women's though, well there certainly is,. Where are these people coming from. I wouldn't dream about passing any type of comment. I mean thinking what you like is one thing, saying what you like is another. Seriously people never cease to amaze!.

Spilose · 12/09/2015 23:47

It depends how she worded it. Did she actually say "shut that child up?" Or keep it down?

I think that's too late for a 2 year old and is definitely be irritated

ollieplimsoles · 12/09/2015 23:47

And all the people sneering at the restaurant - some people actually quite like it, so do one with your snobbish attitudes. It is a 'proper' restaurant and it's nice to take children to during the day.

The RESTAURANTS are the ones with the 'snobbish' attitude... Ask is one of the worst. So plastic and commercial but packaged up as 'authentic Italian' with a totally unreasonable price tag attached to the crappy food.

Regularhiding · 12/09/2015 23:47

they were rude but I really don't think it's ok to let your child make a racket , if indeed it was a racket .
none of us was there after all.

the thing is,nobody thinks their own child is too noisy, do they ? but many quite clearly are.

Bogeybrains · 12/09/2015 23:50

YANBU. Bunch of knobbers!

SalemSaberhagen · 12/09/2015 23:51

You are coming across a little sneery, ollie...

Original poster
Lauren1983 · 12/09/2015 23:52

DP says she said ''shut that child up'' and not she was ''not normal''. I didn't hear this but based on what I did hear her say I believe it.

I wouldn't describe the noise DD made as a racket but it was louder than I would want her to be.

OP posts:
ollieplimsoles · 12/09/2015 23:54

Salam

Not as 'sneery' as the attitudes i have encountered in some of those places I can assure you, especially towards families with children.

SalemSaberhagen · 12/09/2015 23:59

Lauren but why did he say something which he knew would get her loud and excited, and possibly disturb other diners. I agree they were rude but your DP was U to do that.

Ollie perhaps I thought it because I like Frankie and Bennies Blush how long do you have left anyway? (Sorry to go OT)

TheCatsFlaps · 13/09/2015 00:01

YANBU. There are occasions when a child will do things like this, shit happens, even in a more upmarket chain restaurant (oxymoron alert).

However, there are some parents who ignore their little precious kicking off, usually of the "let them wind themselves down" persuasion, who for some reason are oblivious to what the child is doing. Those are the unreasonable ones.

Original poster
Lauren1983 · 13/09/2015 00:04

I don't think DP realised that saying dinosaur would set her off so much. We won't be saying it public for a while again!

OP posts:
AmberFool · 13/09/2015 00:08

YANBU. They were incredibly rude - I wouldn't have said anything cos I could have seen you were probably leaving.

Family friendly restaurants are full of children, whatever the time, in the city I live. Toddlers presumably have had a nice afternoon nap so can be out later than say school aged children.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 13/09/2015 00:11

My guess is that they were jealous of the fact you appeared to be a perfect happy family.

Lol!

unlucky83 · 13/09/2015 00:12

I am kind of in two minds about this - if you have booked a baby sitter etc for an adult night out you don't want to have to listen to a child 'rah' ing - even one who has behaved for most of the meal. However they do sound rude...
A few months ago I was out in a chain restaurant on a Fri night with my DCs (8 and 14) and my parents (who were staying in the hotel) - waiting for pudding I took them outside on the way back from the loo at about 9pm -mainly because there was a table of women who were slightly worse for wear and being a bit loud (and what they were saying was a little dodgy). A member of staff stopped us going back in and told me you couldn't order food for children after 9pm. When I explained I was warned that they had to be out the restaurant by 10pm...at the latest.
Obviously at their age they were behaving themselves...the drunk women were making more noise...even so we did get a few disapproving looks from other diners - and they were the only children in there. No continental culture going on there Wink
(I did see the notice up on my out about last orders for DCs etc - and it also said something about children needing to be accompanied by a responsible adult at all times...and the adult couldn't have more than 2 alcoholic drinks Hmm - so I guess they had had problems - and this was in quite a nice area Shock...)

minesapintofwine · 13/09/2015 00:15

Yanbu. They sound very rude. Your dd sounds lovely. Personally I don't take my own dc out too late as it doesn't work for us. But I would not give one iota about small children being anywhere near me. If I was on the table next to you, had a babysitter, dressed up, binge drinking with my mates or whatever, and heard your dd saying rah I probably would have joined in with her Blush

As a person has said, this thread is highlighting how child unfriendly we are in comparison to abroad.

DrSausagedog · 13/09/2015 00:18

They were very rude, downright nasty with the unrelated comments about your clothes.

But, I must admit that in the evenings I wouldn't really expect to have to put up with a lot of noise from young children. As a PP said, it's why DH and I pay for a babysitter. Yes, most chain restaurants are family friendly, and we regularly take our toddlers during the daytime but there tends to be a different ambience and more of a grown up feel to them in the evenings.

I suspect that there was quite a lot of noise that you missed while you were away in the toilet which was what got them annoyed.

AnnihilatedBeerGuttedCats · 13/09/2015 00:20

FFS it's Ask. And it was only 8/9 so not late late

Personally I've have joined in with the Roar??but then I'm one of them humourless 40+ child free womenWinkWink

Seriously how do you expect people to know how to behave in restaurants if they're not taught?
From what you've said she sounds like she was great, and they were arses

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted · 13/09/2015 00:23

If my meal had been disturbed by a little 2 year old shouting "Rah!" for five minutes I wouldn't be best pleased but would likely have had a moan about it after the party had left.

But to be tell a parent to ''shut that child up'' and then comment that your child ''wasn't normal'' are the actions of a bunch of cunts. Who would do such a loathsome thing? Arseholes, that's who.

Smooshface · 13/09/2015 00:24

They sound like drunk arses, ignore them. And shaming your clothing choices? They need to get a life.

I don't like having my little one out that late because I would not enjoy the meltdowns that would ensue, she's usually in bed before 8 so I"m not sure she would cope well with that! My first born probably would have been ok as she was a late sleeper, but second child has to conform to school times...

I can understand people wanting a nice child-free meal out. Then they need to not go to chain italian places, as I would expect to see children there until 9pm at least.

MrsGentlyBenevolent · 13/09/2015 00:27

I think you're both unreasonable, them more than you though. Saying what they did was too much. However, I'd be going out for food at 8/9pm hoping not to be bothered by small children and their dinosaur impressions. I wouldn't have said anything, but I would have found it irritating after a few minutes. What some see as adorable, others see as a pita, and you can't fault those who see it as the latter as heartless monsters.

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