Shit, I text my Mums lover.

[HappyBeet86]

Alright I know I'm am unreasonable but I need to get this out somewhere.

Bit of background, my parents are both getting on a bit. My Dads health isn't fantastic.

Lately my Mum has been having lots of 'errands' to run at short notice, she makes plans (like meeting up with me and dd in swimming) and texts at the last minute to say something's come up. I only mention it because it has been very noticeable. My Dad confided in me that he is worried about her, she used to be relaxed and happy. She is always stressed and angry lately.

To be completely honest I was starting to worry that she might be getting early signs of dementia.

I am at their house this morning with dd. I had to go upstairs to take some washing up and mums phone started buzzing. I picked it up to carry downstairs with me and saw the first line of a text.

'Wife's gone I'm free sexy'

My stomach dropped out of my feet. And I know I shouldn't have...but I did. I looked through her phone.

She's been having an affair with a married man. The texts were...gross. Most of them were him saying he was home now so not to call.

And I didn't even think, I was so angry. I text him from mums phone.

'You dirty fuck. You have a wife right? I've stored your number. How about if you don't stop contact immediately I call you every day, day and night? Do you think your wife will start to notice?'

Awww shit I know, I know! Should not have done that. If it's some small defence I'm 7 weeks pregnant and a bag of raging hormones.

This is hard to describe but my mums always beat me other the head with morals. She's sort of acted holier than thou for fifty years, she's not shy about coming down on me or anyone else for questionable moral behaviour and I've always looked up to her.

I was so angry at him for changing my mums personality. Or is thus who she is really?

I'm an adult. It isn't any of my business. I know I fucked up.I can't tell anyone else. What do I do now?

Ah but according to some people they have a sexless marriage where the DM is running around slaving after DP who wants no intimacy or physical contact ...

happy that's understandable and a lot of unfair feelings for your DM to put on you. She should tell him, not make you feel responsible for hurting him. Ugh.

Oh God I hadn't even thought about std's!

Still so torn.

If I was Dad I would want to know. But I don't want him to know.

Doubt I could make a sensible and straight decision tonight anyway. Head is just all over the place.

Don't worry about that tonight. You don't have to decide whether to tell him just yet. Try and give yourself time to digest first.

With all those suggestions about what the OP should text her mother, let's hope that she has learnt her lesson and doesn't leave her phone lying around, or it could be the DSF that sees the text saying things like cremeeggboycotter's Don't blame me for your own poor decisions and bad behaviour. Given your opinions on cheating you are a hypocrite of the highest order and I have nothing else to say to you. Dad's noticing how out of character you've been acting, I suggest you shape up or sort it out. I'll let you know when we plan to see dad, so you can be out of the house and don't have to see your selfish bitch of a daughter.
Imagine him seeing the OP's name attached to that message!

I don't think I would tell mine but I know that would put an enormous strain on our relationship. What a horrible situation. Your mother had conducted herself appallingly.

Typo^ DF not DSF.

I truly don't know bastard

Maybe he was just too drunk and wanted to unburden himself. He even mentioned, with classic comedic timing, the possibility of more kids being out there. I hope he was wrong.

All I know is that I wish he hadn't said anything at all.

But in that case her acting must be worthy of an Oscar

It's a very hard lesson in life to learn that our parents and later our children are people in their own right and often, people who behave in a way we wouldn't, or who behave in ways they wouldn't approve of us doing iyswim?

OP.
Take it easy, lean on your DH and don't respond to anything from your mother that you don't want to.
You're in a horrible and very stressful situation which you don't want to impact on your pregnancy.

Remember you don't have to be proactive in this.

merope sad how selfish and thoughtless some people can be have you told him how it made you feel?

Gruntfuttock I suspect she wants him to know anyway given her behaviour and being so careless with her phone in the first place. Imagine if he'd seen 'wife's gone sexy, come on over!'

If she's texting OP as much as OP says she's getting them, it's only matter of time before he starts wondering what's been said.

OP I'm hoping the shock is lessening a bit, but please do not let your self feel guilty. If this mm is the love of her life and they are soul mates, then one cross text sent by you isn't goingto keep him away. But I sususpect that as other pps have said, he's realised his wife could findout or he might have to make a decision and he's bolted.

For your mum to call you selfish is madness! Affairs are so ultimately selfish.

You have DP to share the burden with now. I wouldn't make any decisions 're your dad or the holiday or anything just yet.

For posters asking why AnyFuckers name is being brought up, she gives good solid advice, especially about affairs.

Possibly Cremeegg. It's all very sad indeed. Neither the OP nor her DF deserve this.

I agree definitely. I think the DM would have been better off leaving him when she fell out of love with him (if that's even true) rather then hurt and betray far worse like this. My friend was left when very ill, it was awful and heartbreaking but looking back now it's far better he left her then cheated. Bad enough he was constantly evasive, angry and obviously resentful before he had the balls to do it.

happy

I'm so sorry that you are going through this. I too thought I would tell my mum but in the cold light of day it was overwhelmingly difficult. The more time that passed the harder it became to say anything.

I was a few years older than you are and thought I could deal with anything. I couldn't deal well with that though.

My dad never mentioned it again after that night but things changed so much. We never really argued much before that - but we do now. I think he very much regrets telling me and I feel he now regards me as a threat who has the potential to ruin his happy life.

I hope things get easier for you. I truly do.

merope .

I remember the day I stopped 'looking up' to my mother. I was young, she had a 'male friend' over. He'd bought her flowers, I was sent upstairs as they enjoyed a 'romantic takeaway dinner'. He certainly stayed the night, saw them kissing. The next morning, I naively teased her about her boyfriend - at which point she exploded in anger at me 'don't you dare say that. He's a friend, he has a wife! Do you want to upset people? Never talk about it again'.

I never did mention it again, but I never saw her in the same way either. I wasn't stupid, I knew what she was up to. It carried on for a while, then fizzled out. I guess I shouldnt judge her, as she was a 'single woman', but she still knew the bloke was married. We later found out she was seeing another married man and had a fling with an engaged one. Some people can hide this part of themselves for years, other just don't care. But, they're all the same, when people do find out - it's everyone else's fault. Well, fair enough, but they have to accept others will lose respect for them - something that's very difficult to earn back.

OP I feel for you, I really do. The rug must have really gone from under you. But..

I have been in your dads position. And I will post a warning to anyone else who accidentally uncovers an affair and has a first instinct to grab the phone and tell people.

An interfering family member waded (rather gleefully, unfortunately ) in to a similar situation.

I knew my then DP was playing away, but for various reasons I didn't want to act on the information till I had consolidated my position as regards finances etc.

Idiot person found out and rang several other family members, me and the OW in an attention seeking panic and caused such an EPIC shitstorm. I have never forgiven them as it wrecked my planning and I ended up I'd a much weaker position than I would have been if things had run to my timetable.

For various complicated reasons the long term fallout of interfering ones behaviour caused a family split that we have never recovered from, I missed much of th last precious months of a much loved close relative life due to this shit. 5+ years later the wider family has never reconciled.

Please be careful. I appreciate you are not a narcissistic attention seeking twat like my relative but The messenger never comes off well in this situation. Whatever their motive.

Please Don't feel bad, none if this is of your making. I doubt om will get in touch, maybe your dm will realise all it was for him was a quick shag not the lasting true love she believed it to be. Really think it through before you reply, but don't let her pass her guilt onto you.

Of course it's of her making! She waded in with her size 5's without bothering to speak to anyone first, discreetly or otherwise. OP any fallout from this will be on your shoulders. You are very much in the wrong.

Her mum set this up, it's her responsibility. Stop trying to upset and guilt the OP, you are no better then her mother.

Well I haven't cheated so . , . Yes the mother shouldn't have cheated but she and her husband took their marriage vows together and to EACH OTHER, no one else. It must be a horrid situation for the OP though. I still maintain that she should've kept out of it.

For the love of JC, pinky, give it a bleeding rest . We get your opinion, you've said the same thing over and over again. Fine, you think she shouldn't have seen the message, for whatever reason. You think that she should keep her eyes shut, ears closed and mouth sown up about the whole thing. The rest of us though, are moving on and sharing support, because if you haven't noticed her mum has actually been caught out over this and is being quite horrible. And to say any fallout will be the op's fault - seriously? That's a shitty thing to say, and quite abusive actually. It's a sort of thing a bully tells a victim "you've brought this on yourself, it's your fault everyone is now upset". You must be a delight in real life.

What would you have done pinky?

Ok trying to put myself in OPs shoes. I think I'd feel utmost confusion and shock. Not sure I'd act first and think later. Actually not sure. I do believe that a marriage is to be dealt with by the people in it and only including other peoples opinion should it be sought. If it were my parents though . . mmm still not sure if I'd fly off the handle emotionally. Ok as I'm not sure maybe I should think about it more.

Apologies OP if I've been too harsh.