Shit, I text my Mums lover.

[HappyBeet86]

Alright I know I'm am unreasonable but I need to get this out somewhere.

Bit of background, my parents are both getting on a bit. My Dads health isn't fantastic.

Lately my Mum has been having lots of 'errands' to run at short notice, she makes plans (like meeting up with me and dd in swimming) and texts at the last minute to say something's come up. I only mention it because it has been very noticeable. My Dad confided in me that he is worried about her, she used to be relaxed and happy. She is always stressed and angry lately.

To be completely honest I was starting to worry that she might be getting early signs of dementia.

I am at their house this morning with dd. I had to go upstairs to take some washing up and mums phone started buzzing. I picked it up to carry downstairs with me and saw the first line of a text.

'Wife's gone I'm free sexy'

My stomach dropped out of my feet. And I know I shouldn't have...but I did. I looked through her phone.

She's been having an affair with a married man. The texts were...gross. Most of them were him saying he was home now so not to call.

And I didn't even think, I was so angry. I text him from mums phone.

'You dirty fuck. You have a wife right? I've stored your number. How about if you don't stop contact immediately I call you every day, day and night? Do you think your wife will start to notice?'

Awww shit I know, I know! Should not have done that. If it's some small defence I'm 7 weeks pregnant and a bag of raging hormones.

This is hard to describe but my mums always beat me other the head with morals. She's sort of acted holier than thou for fifty years, she's not shy about coming down on me or anyone else for questionable moral behaviour and I've always looked up to her.

I was so angry at him for changing my mums personality. Or is thus who she is really?

I'm an adult. It isn't any of my business. I know I fucked up.I can't tell anyone else. What do I do now?

OP your mum is definitely the one in the wrong here and don't let her make you feel that it's you. Typical selfish affair person putting all the blame on others.

I'm sorry you had to find out your mum was like this.

Bluetrews Why should the OP's father have to miss out on this holiday though? She said "My dad is really looking forward to it, he dotes on dd and has been talking about this holiday for months" and he has done nothing to deserve being disappointed.

Oh buggar me. What a mess and not of your making Happy. Pandora's box is well and truly blown open. Your moral high ground mum is now lashing out maybe due to shame, humiliation, fear of rejection and fear of being found out by your dad, family and friends. That's a basic instinct to lash out when hurt but clearly here, she's the morally wrong, and you plus your dad are the injured party. Right now, you're probably thinking that her entire character has been a lie, is not to be trusted, that maybe you were fooled and tbh the parental pedestal has been smashed, especially after those texts. It's all a big shock to the system so be kind to yourself - let your DH look after you as you are just 7weeks. Deal with it tomorrow with your DH backing you up.

You should tell your DF OP, he's going to notice the tension and sooner or later he WILL find out.

Get your DP and half siblings involved so your DF has support.

If your DM isn't happy, she should leave.

As I said, he WILL find out, these things always come out eventually.

So, sanity, if you had an that text you would have read no further? I find that extremely hard to believe.

You're ok, OP, the people on here with a brain recognise that this isn't your fault and that you behaved like a human being, not a robot. Don't worry about them.

I imagine OP's father must be wondering what's the matter with his wife. I imagine she is not too calm at the moment. He's probably worrying that she's ill.

:( jeez how dare she blame you for the fact that OM isn't texting her.

Your poor DF OP. That's all I can say atm.

I bet she's still trying to get through to MM whose probably shitting himself.

When my mum had her affair with MM he dropped her so fast it was unreal. She was very depressed afterwards for a long time. I wouldn't be surprised if your mum goes the same when. I feel sorry for her really, she's convinced herself it's loves young dream (think bridges if Madison county) and he's in love with her. Probably likely he's told her that. Realistically he's probably been after a bit if fun (texting like that is a big give away) and he's been getting off on the secrecy. He's now has a shock and she's probably the last person he wants to talk to now.

It all crumbling down around you mother and she's hurt and angry. She will blame you as an easy scape goat. Fact is as a pp pointed out it would have come out sooner or later.

I can't believe she is trying to silence you by saying you will kill your dad if you tell him

Well guess what lady, if you hadn't been cheating there would be nothing to tell!

This is her opportunity to show you who she really is and at the moment she's not doing a very good job!

DF actually rang me earlier to see if 'I' was ok! I said again I was fine and it was the morning sickness.

I feel sick for him. I know this is true of all cheating victims but he really really doesn't deserve any of this!

OP, I'm worried that your DF thinks that either you or your DM have been given some bad news and you're both keeping it from him because of his health. I don't think he will guess "affair" for a minute. I think he will think of your health and a bad diagnosis (either regarding you or your mother).

I feel desperately sorry for him as well as for you.

"I am a terrible daughter for texting married man. He still isn't talking to her. I have ruined her life and I am an ungrateful shit. She can't believe I am so selfish as to have done this. If I tell my Dad it will probably kill him but I probably won't care because I'm selfish."

I am truly shocked at this, she really has turned abusive towards you hasn't she?! Is this new behaviour or has she been like this before? Either way it's not acceptable. If she is still texting you (or doesn't it again) I suggest replying to say something along the lines of "Please stop contacting me, I will not tolerate this abuse". Clearly you need some space to process what you've found out - don't be afraid to tell her that.

AnotherEmma my phone is on silent right now, I'm pretending it doesn't exist!

It is truly new behaviour, and so different fro the norm that I was previously considering she could be starting to suffer from demntia before I saw the texts.

Now I'm just faced with the possibility that this woman is actually who my mother is.

But in that case her acting must be worthy of an Oscar.

Gruntfutock I've considered that too. Like he needs any more stress

Offence is the best defence and that is just what your mother has gone on

Sorry you are going through this. Try to concentrate on you and yours and not let it upset you too much.

I guess people have different facets to their personality, and different phases of their life. Maybe who she is now doesn't negate who she was before? But I can understand that this discovery has completely shaken how you feel about her. It would me.

Sanityclause what a cuntish post.
I'm shocked at people putting the boot into the poor OP - she's accidentally found out something devastating and is now being attacked by her mother and must be beyond upset and shaken. Pretty revolting to see people stick the boot in.

I'm still about the posters berating the OP about snooping. Would they honestly have ignored a phone with that kind of message on it to their Mum, really?

OP I think all you can do is get support from your DH and hope your actions really have scared off MM. Wait and see for now.

namechanged for this.

I was always a daddy's girl. On the night of my grandfather's funeral, we stayed up for a while, drinking and reminiscing. Dad was my hero. Until he told me he'd cheated on my mum with numerous women over the years. I was numb and remain so many years on. I'm ashamed to say my respect for my dad died that night and as such, a lot of love did too. All because he chose to burden me with that.

I am unsure if my mum knows and just chose to accept it. I do know that I can't say anything as I don't want to be responsible for breaking her heart if she doesn't know.

As BeeRayKay said, try to talk through this with someone. Dealing with my dad's secret alone has effectively turned me into a hermit who trusts no-one.

Just so you know happy - you are not a terrible, selfish daughter. You are a shocked and hurt daughter.

Op, I'm so glad you told your dp and he's being supportive.

Also, that you've turned your phone off for now, you need some breathing space.

I know you're feeling sensitive right now, but please ignore the.... You shouldn't have been snooping... Posts, you clearly weren't.

Steel yourself, this will get worse before it gets better

merope that's really sad. I wonder why he told you all that?

Your mum sounds like a piece of work OP. What a way to blame it all on you to assure your silence.

Why do some women go so potty over men that they start being rude and manipulative? Looks like you know why she was so up herself in regards to people cheating OP, cheaters are the worse for suspecting others and judging.

Since you didn't snoop on her phone and it just lit up showing that message, you mum is very very lucky your dad wasn't the one who saw it. I wonder if she's lying about not wanting and being able to leave him and hoped he would be the one to find it so she didn't have to be the bad guy- just the selfless wife stuck in a loveless marriage putting him first.

Blatantly she's stuck in a silly romantic notion that she and this man could be together without your dad, I would counter that with 'so why hasn't he left his wife then?' Nothing stopping him leaving her is there? She's a bit on the side, same as he is, not some loving romance.

I would text her, "Don't blame me for your own poor decisions and bad behaviour. Given your opinions on cheating you are a hypocrite of the highest order and I have nothing else to say to you. Dad's noticing how out of character you've been acting, I suggest you shape up or sort it out. I'll let you know when we plan to see dad, so you can be out of the house and don't have to see your selfish bitch of a daughter.' Then ignore everything.

If i were in your shoes i would take my time to gather myself, then tell dm exactly what i think of her behaviour AND her manipulative attitude and language towards me since. Then i would give her the option of telling father herself by a certain deadline and if she doesn't then i'd do it myself.

i couldn't live with a clean conscious if i were a part of her deceit and betrayal. i keep imagining what if it were me who was being cheated on, and my family/loved ones knew yet never said a word and carried on pretending and lying to my face? The shock and betrayal of that would do more damage to my family/relationships than the just the knowledge of my douchbag spouse being a lying cheating whorebag.

Is she even using condoms with this guy? i shudder to think what she could have caught and passed on to your father. It reminds me of a girl i knew years ago when i was living in london, i knew she was cheating on her bf but never said anything, she caught crabs and herpes from the loser she was cheating with. She gave them to her bf, when he became aware of them and got checked out and realised she turned it all around on him - told everyone HE was doing the cheating and trashed his reputation around town and with everyone they knew. Her trash talking and acting the injured party meant he lost some good friends and his family relationships were damaged - for years they still 'joked' about those STD's and used him as an example when talking/telling off their kids. He now has to live with that virus in his system for life.

Thank you,

Yes I'm surprised how much better I felt just by being able to talk about it with him.

Merope I'm very sorry that happened to you. I've been telling myself these feeling towards my mums might pass with time, it's unlikely though isn't it. She just feels like a stranger right now.

I'm still not sure how to move on with this but I'm fairly sure I can't tell my father.

It's odd. If you'd asked me before this I bet I would have said I'd have told him straight away.

But actually having to confront the reality of what that would/ could do to him is much harder.