to not want to go to any classes/groups and to avoid the HV?

[pinwheel]

DH and I are planning to start a family...but I hate the idea of antenatal groups or classes or, tbh, anything with the word 'group' in the title; I don't want the HV popping in either so would be opting out of that quicksharp. I'm not really antisocial in the rest of my life, honest, but this stuff just has no appeal whatsoever... AIBU to hope I can get away with this approach??

Yeah, I thought that OP - now I'm the happy clappy toddler group leader. Funny how things turn out really.

Sorry, I agree with the OP. Why is everything in life medicalised and protocol-ised (not a word)? Pregnancy and motherhood are not illnesses. You "must" do this and you "must" do that? No, you don't have to. People managed perfectly well for centuries without these services that the government now decide we all must use. It's bollocks. Do your own thing, OP.

i've never been to an antenatal class in my life, and dealings with the HV were as short as possible. weigh the baby a couple of times, and that was me done.

I attended no groups/classes. Even now the thought gives me chills.

I saw the HV for hearing tests and vaccinations and that was about it. I took DD to be weighed weekly until she was 6mo but didn't bother with DS, the advice they offered was generally shit. They looked totally fucking bamboozled at the concept of baby led weaning and not spoon feeding purée.

It's not compulsory to see the HV.

Ceyes HV work isn't medicalised. They provide support and info. In the early days they weigh your baby to check it's not seriously ill. The little things

I loved my NCT classes - made some lovely friends & it was great knowing mums with babies the same age

I loved my mum & baby groups - made some good friends, we helped each other through some tough & tired mornings

I loved my HV, she helped & encouraged me when I needed it most

I think if you're that clever, with that little patience, loads of friends with babies the same age and in no need of any post birth support you should just crack right on with your plan.

You obviously need nothing & rather sadly have nothing to give to others either.

Don't underestimate the value of the network that antenatal classes will give you. You can't get that from books.

This. Becoming a parent changed so much about me. I met my tribe at antenatal classes.

The US might not have HVs, but all civilised countries (and even the majority of uncivilised ones) have post-natal care.

The HV comes to you. How is that not preferable to hauling your post-birth ass + baby to a medical establishment...?

I loved my HV. Next door neighbours have a baby so I still see her quite often.

Pregnancy and having children does strange things to people.

I'm the kind to go to the doctors once every 3 years but since I've been pregnant I've used every bit of help I can get. I thought I wouldn't get sick - I did (12 weeks and counting), I've been exhausted and unable to work and have randomly fainted and been dizzy for weeks on end. Before I was pregnant if someone had told me this Id have thought they were overreacting to be honest.

My point being - it's all well and good having ideas about what you will and won't do but when it comes down to your health and your precious new baby, I think you'll be surprised at how you may react and what your and your baby's needs and wants are.

Also, not everyone that has a baby is 'happy clappy' and/or stupid. Intelligent, professional people with plenty to say for themselves and many many other interests also have children. They probably don't want to spend Tuesday morning singing the wheels on the bus either but I don't think anyone goes for the great selection of music........

There is some bad stuff, mentally and physically, that can (albeit relatively rarely) happen to women and babies in the first weeks after birth. The MWs who visit you at home and the HVs who take over at 2 weeks are there to help. Some of them are a bit shit, but that doesn't mean that you might not need them.

And the children love Wheels on the Bus and Five Little Ducks - and the groups are at least 50% for their benefit.

Meeting people with babies born around the same age was invaluable to me. I was really nervous about going to the NCT group. But the people I met through that and through local baby groups have saved my sanity. It has been so useful to have people to compare notes with, to find out that what you are going through or what your baby is doing is normal.

Some pre-natal classes were frustrating. An hour of my time listening to mothers with Gucci bags arguing with the local road-safety advisor why buying a second-hand infant car-seat from the cousin of your mother's neighbour's best friend's sister was a good idea. That said I was extremely tired by that stage so perhaps crotchety.
HVs were fantastic. One realised that that I needed to go back to hospital for intravenous antibiotics, & with my 2nd ds another recognised that he needed to be treated for jaundice & that I was dehydrated. I was convinced that HVs are intent on finding fault, but they ignored the untidiness, made me tea & offered useful advice.
Newsflash! Post interrupted by DS2 getting up for the 5th time due to Crohns. Believe me, I've explored every avenue of advice available to me & writing off knowledge, regardless of the source is not sensible.

Well, my baby came after we had only done the first of the antenatal classes, and I managed fine - fortunately I had a bit of time to feverishly read up once we knew he was going to be prem

I was sort of railroaded into a postnatal class, and am so glad I did it. we drifted apart at about 8 months, as people started going back to work etc, but for a little while they were absolute rocks for me.

HVs have a key role to play ifyou need it. don't assume you won't.

Oh, the things we think before we have children. I miss those days. They were good days. When I knew exactly how I was going to raise my baby.

Yes, the U.S. have ante natal classes, no they aren't compulsory. You may be very grateful for the HV if you need someone to ask a question, that is exactly what they're there for- and to check you're ok. Post birth is all kinds of crazy. Some HV are crap, but so are some GPs, teachers, lawyers, bus drivers- what can you do? Lock yourself in your house?!

Best of luck. It's a long journey, I wouldn't write anything off yet.

I didn't do antenatal or groups/classes after. I don't really see the point in them as they are not really for the baby.

BertandRussells post is good. She's describing exactly how i was with my first baby.

Errr yeh it didn't really work out. I was bored, lonely, depressed and clueless. By the time I had my third i was too terrified to go to groups. But the HEALTH VISITOR could sense what was going on and got the counselling ball rolling. That changed my life.

We do go to groups now, and I ring the health visitors if i ever need advice on something - they're brill. I'm much happier now than when I had my first.

I didn't go to any AN groups or classes either. Didn't go to classes because I already had a fair whack of knowledge about it from various sources, and because I couldn't be arsed. Also, I knew we'd be emigrating before DS1 ever got to nursery even, so didn't need to create a social peer group for him, which is what most of my friends did it for.

Had the HV visit a few times, and that wasn't a problem. The first visit - she caught me in throes of mini-madness as I was getting dressed to go shopping 1 day out of hospital (no idea what was going on in my head, I wasn't fit for it!) and made me stay in to observe me bf'ing, which I needed really because she then made the referral to get DS1's tongue tie snipped, which made a world of difference. I never had a problem with the HV. And my sister needed them too as she was at risk of PND and needed the help.

I think a lot of people have a sense of cringe about classes and groups, I know I do, all that initial meeting and trying to make friends, it's like being back at school! And of course you won't necessarily get on with someone just because they had a baby ariund the same time as you, however, like people above have said maternity can be very lonely and it's good to have things to fill your day up with and if you make some friends at the same time..great!
Although I know you're not off for very long so maybe this doesn't apply to you so much. But don't knock 'em!

Number one rule with having a baby, expect the unexpected! I am so not happy clappy it's unfunny, our first NCT session I wanted to pull my eyeballs out and yes it was bloody slow. Do I care now? Hell no, I made a fantastic group of friends, who have saved my sanity, fed me cake and DD loves all her baby mates. They are all 8 months now, they recognise and 'talk' to each other already. Also what about your DH? Does he want to do it? I think my DH benefited from the content of the course more than I did. So don't rule it out solely because you don't want to do it.
I was also very suspiscious of HVs pre baby. But my HV was actually very helpful. My GP was rubbish and it took a long time to get DD diagnosed with cmpi. The HV was good at backing me up that DD symptoms were abnormal and gave me the boost to fight my corner with the GP. So don't write them off completely, you never know if you'll need them.
Baby groups can be bit hit and miss, I don't relish singing hickory dicory dock for the umteenth time but I do because it makes DD happy. We also go swimming because its a valuable life skill and DD loves it. Best part of being a parent is enjoying their joy in life

Based soley on the way your posts read, it comes across that having a baby would be a bit of a tedious chore you need to get out the way until your DH can take over. If that is how you feel, then why do you want one??

You can have fun with your child without groups. Babies don't care if they go to groups or not.

I agree with most posters. You simply don't know what lies ahead.

I had DD in the days before broadband, and books just did not replicate the plethora of information and advice available at ante natal classes. I found the classes invaluable to the extent that when DD I was in labour there was nothing I didn't understand or anticipate during the entire process. This meant that I didn't feel anxious or scared.

People managed perfectly well for centuries without these services that the government now decide we all must use. It's bollocks.

Yes many but not all of them did, and the infant mortality rate was much higher than it is now. It isn't bollocks at all.

I didn't know anyone else with babies and didn't have a clue about anything either.

The problem with health visitors is that the minority of bad ones give the rest of them a bad name. My HV was brilliant and very supportive. DD had medical issues and I was lucky that my HV had been an intensive care nurse previously and totally understood her problems.

You may be able to find out what you want from the internet, but I am sceptical about how much this replaces a good ante natal class.

And you don't have to interact with the other expectant mums there, I didn't.

I would have given my right arm to be able to go to baby groups, but as DD's health was so fragile I couldn't go, so my first year with her was very isolating as I was practically housebound.

My advice is: don't knock anything until or unless you try it. Your post does come across a bit "I know it all already". And you don't.