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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be upset about DM giving identical gift to SIL's baby as my DD?

141 replies

moomin11 · 09/09/2015 10:46

Not sure if I've put that quite right but will explain!

DM gave me a lovely gift for my DD last month. DD is 10 months old and DM's first grandchild. I don't want to go into too much detail in case it outs me but the gift was very special as both me and my brother had one when we were born and it is from my mum's country - so kind of a tradition in our family. My DP's brother and his wife have recently had a baby boy, and we are so happy for them. They have been through a lot including a very difficult pregnancy, and we're all excited about our children being so close in age and having a cousin to grow up with.

So my DM gave me the gift at a joint family meal and it is beautiful. SIL, as well as everyone else, said how lovely it is etc. DM said the other day as SIL seemed to like it so much she will get one for her little boy. Which is lovely of her, but I have to admit I'm really put out! DM has only met SIL a few times and hasn't met her little boy yet. I know she likes SIL but I can't get my head around why she would give the same gift to her DS as her own granddaughter? It feels like it's taken the shine off the gift a bit.

So AIBU for feeling this way? I haven't said anything to her as I can't think of a way to without it coming across as childish!

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 09/09/2015 14:25

:o

Drmum83 · 09/09/2015 14:27

Sorry - I lost my mum to cancer just before having my first child in January. I'd give my eye teeth for my mum to be here to just hold her, fuck presents.
Sorry if this is dramatic but I'm trying to make the point that presents mean nothing, be happy your mum is around to share her love with everyone.

Flexly · 09/09/2015 14:28

Massively unreasonable and pretty childish too..

StealthPolarBear · 09/09/2015 14:30

Maybe thete should be an option to amend titles of the threads you start, just to add RESOLVED to the title

BrucieTheShark · 09/09/2015 14:31

C'mon OP play the game.

-AIBU?
-Yes
-Oh ok then, yes you're obviously right. Peace and love.

THAT is not how we do it normally :)

BrucieTheShark · 09/09/2015 14:32

Can't you just drip feed a tiny bit?

Eg SIL's version of present will require real ivory.

Then we can froth a bit.

StealthPolarBear · 09/09/2015 14:33

Ooh ooh could sil maybe be on benefits. And goes on holiday three times a year.

BrucieTheShark · 09/09/2015 14:37

Yes and doesn't want to pay extra for booked seats but is insisting her 50' flat screen TV has the seat next to her on the plane.

StealthPolarBear · 09/09/2015 14:38

Yes maybe some taxpayers could supervise hee children while they eat their greggs sausage rolls om the flight

Sallystyle · 09/09/2015 14:38

I actually understand how you feel. Feelings aren't wrong, but actions can be.

I'm glad you are feeling a bit better about it now.

BrucieTheShark · 09/09/2015 14:40

LOL - while their hummer is parked in a disabled space at the airport.

NO BLUE BADGE

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 09/09/2015 14:50

The OP's nephew is NOT her DM's grandchild. It is the OP's partner's nephew, and is no blood relation to the OP's mother.

This really isn't hard to understand.

ArendelleQueen · 09/09/2015 14:53

I saw that you graciously accepted YABU but I wanted to say that your mum sounds nice and you are lucky to have someone so kind in your life. :)

wineandcheeseplease · 09/09/2015 15:21

YABU. Poor SIL

derektheladyhamster · 09/09/2015 15:29

I was a horrible jealous git when my nieces were born, it would have annoyed me too.

BUT IWBU and knew it deep down. You'll get over it, don't worry Grin

BerylStreep · 09/09/2015 15:35

I'm glad you have acknowledged YABU.

My SIL threw a massive strop because her birthday & mine are 3 days apart, and my MIL had the temerity to buy me a present and give it to me. I have to say it was somewhat astonishing to see an almost 40 yo woman through a tantrum. Grin

Don't be that SIL.

mellowheart · 09/09/2015 15:45

I think a lot of the yabu posts are because many are confused by the relationship of the Ops mother to the other child. There is no relationship, the child is the child of Op partners brother and his wife. No relation to her DM whatsoever. That's why the OP was a bit upset about the present.

SoupDragon · 09/09/2015 15:56

I think a lot of the yabu posts are because many are confused by the relationship of the Ops mother to the other child.

Mine isn't.

RedToothBrush · 09/09/2015 16:29

I think a lot of the yabu posts are because many are confused by the relationship of the Ops mother to the other child. There is no relationship, the child is the child of Op partners brother and his wife. No relation to her DM whatsoever. That's why the OP was a bit upset about the present.

Why is that JUST so important? Family can extend beyond the limits of children, parents, grandparents. I'd think it would be very sad if we all did think like that actually. Perhaps there isn't the degree of confusion you suggest and perhaps people merely think differently to that mentality.

My post certainly wasn't confused. It was explicit in saying that family is how you as an individual define it.

mellowheart · 09/09/2015 17:22

I agree Redtoothbrush , there were some posts though that seemed to think they were related. I also agree that it's lovely that the Ops DM should be so kind, but I could also understand her being a little upset, illogical though it is.

pictish · 09/09/2015 17:47

Mellowheart I understood that it's the OP's dh's brother and his wife.

Buxtonstill · 09/09/2015 18:03

YABU. I would be grateful that I had such a thoughtful Mum. You should celebrate that rather than be jealous of an act of kindness.

Original poster
moomin11 · 09/09/2015 18:41

I can't believe this is still going, do people not read the thread?!

OP posts:
Me624 · 09/09/2015 18:43

I think it's a lovely think to do. My SIL's in laws bought DH and me a lovely wedding gift even though I'd only met them twice and DH only a handful of times more. My DM also buys presents at Christmas for my neice and nephew from DH's side who are no blood relation to her - it's just a nice way of the families acknowledging each other.

Original poster
moomin11 · 09/09/2015 19:14

Me624 - that is really nice of them. This wasn't about my mum buying them a gift though, it was specifically the nature of the gift (which I think we've done to death by now!).

BadLad - sadly I don't think even that would do it!

Thanks buttons (and others) for understanding my viewpoint, petulant though it is. Deflated is exactly how I felt diddl, upset is a bit strong. There were no tears or feet-stamping I promise ;)

Sorry to disappoint BrucieTheShark, I know this bucks trend for AIBU. But someone did mention starting new traditions so maybe it'll catch on ;)

So sorry about your mum Drmum83. I lost my dad at a fairly young age so he's missed pretty much my whole adult life, I know how it hurts.

OP posts: