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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be upset about DM giving identical gift to SIL's baby as my DD?

141 replies

moomin11 · 09/09/2015 10:46

Not sure if I've put that quite right but will explain!

DM gave me a lovely gift for my DD last month. DD is 10 months old and DM's first grandchild. I don't want to go into too much detail in case it outs me but the gift was very special as both me and my brother had one when we were born and it is from my mum's country - so kind of a tradition in our family. My DP's brother and his wife have recently had a baby boy, and we are so happy for them. They have been through a lot including a very difficult pregnancy, and we're all excited about our children being so close in age and having a cousin to grow up with.

So my DM gave me the gift at a joint family meal and it is beautiful. SIL, as well as everyone else, said how lovely it is etc. DM said the other day as SIL seemed to like it so much she will get one for her little boy. Which is lovely of her, but I have to admit I'm really put out! DM has only met SIL a few times and hasn't met her little boy yet. I know she likes SIL but I can't get my head around why she would give the same gift to her DS as her own granddaughter? It feels like it's taken the shine off the gift a bit.

So AIBU for feeling this way? I haven't said anything to her as I can't think of a way to without it coming across as childish!

OP posts:
Original poster
moomin11 · 09/09/2015 12:05

LyndaNotLinda I wouldn't dare reveal that on AIBU (even if it didn't out me) - it would probably spark another round of oh grow ups and biscuits!

OP posts:
Original poster
moomin11 · 09/09/2015 12:06

londonrach nope, and it is all explained above Grin

OP posts:
bgottalent · 09/09/2015 12:09

Moomin I think you are bu but i like it that you are gracious enough to accept the criticisms. you are a nice person

AlmaMartyr · 09/09/2015 12:09

YABU but I can understand what you're feeling. I can have my moments of being a bit petulant, especially about things that matter so much to me.

Your Mum sounds absolutely lovely, you must be very proud of her. She may be being so welcoming to your SIL partly to show her love for you? My mum tries to be as welcoming as possible to all her daughters/sons-in-law and their families to help us out and not make trouble. It's something I really appreciate.

londonrach · 09/09/2015 12:12

I see. Yabu but i can see where you coming from. I still think your dm is a lovely lady treating both children the same. Congratulations on your new baby and i hope both babies enjoy their gift and grow up together x

Hellocampers · 09/09/2015 12:28

Ah your mum sounds lovely but then you are too op. You can't help what you feel and when you know it's an unreasonable feeling it's kind of worse isn't it? But look you kept it to yourself and vented here. Good on you.

Remember your mum will always be your mum and however much she gets in with dils or other relatives you will always be her most precious gift.

I love my dils, and will no dought love future sils and my neices/nephews,and would do anything for them,but my primal all consuming love is for my own dcs.

Your mum feels that for you too.

CalonDu · 09/09/2015 12:39

moomin you're being very gracious and your mum sounds kind and thoughtful - there, that's to counterbalance the pile-on of YABUs that'll still turn up despite your acknowledgement. Smile

Hellocampers · 09/09/2015 12:51

the op has agreed she was being unreasonable people

There Calon that should do it. Grin

Cherryblossomsinspring · 09/09/2015 13:00

YABU. Don't want to hurt your feelings but it's not very nice of you and seems a particularly silly reaction.

To point of a gift is to give something nice to someone who likes it. End of.

Original poster
moomin11 · 09/09/2015 13:04

Nope haha!

OP posts:
LyndaNotLinda · 09/09/2015 13:06

There should be a flashing icon in AIBU - MATTER RESOLVED

diddl · 09/09/2015 13:13

I think that YANBU to feel how you do, but YWBU to say anything.

pinkje · 09/09/2015 13:15

I think if there's one person you are allowed to be childish with then it is your mum. Tell her, get it off your chest, then move on.

BadLad · 09/09/2015 13:16

Perhaps if you posted a video of yourself walking barefoot while flagellating yourself to your sister-in-law's house before kneeling in the street outside it and begging forgiveness, so the neighbourhood comes to watch you, the YABUs might dry up.

butttons · 09/09/2015 13:16

OP, you and your mum sound lovely. I think I can see where you may be coming from in feeling like "the shine" has been taken off your gift - i had something similar when my DD was born in that my mum knitted her some clothes, which I would never dream if throwing away and still have now. They're very special and precious to me. Her friend's daughter then wanted my mum to knit her daughter some clothes as well which my mum did and enjoyed. This took nothing away from me, but I felt bad that the friend's daughter wouldn't cherish the gift the same way I did and I remember it made me feel bad for my mum and for the friend's daughter. I have no idea why I felt this way but just wanted to say I don't think it is uncommon to feel a little put out. Looks like all is resolved in this thread but just wanted to give you a hug ??

diddl · 09/09/2015 13:21

I do think that OP has been given a hard time tbh.

Mum gave me a beautiful shawl for PFB & I think I would have felt somewhat deflated if she had then gone on to give the exact same thing to someone else.

You know when you think that something is special between you & the giver & then you discover that it wasn't such a special thing from them as you thought.

It hurts imo.

Tiggeryoubastard · 09/09/2015 13:25

I agree Moomin has taken it very well. Fair play to you.

butttons · 09/09/2015 13:26

diddl I agree - it does hurt but to me it's the sort of hurt I need to swallow and get on with as to voice it just sounds unreasonable (even though I don't believe it is unreasonable at all to feel that way)

HackerFucker22 · 09/09/2015 13:30

Right so this gift is for a kid not related to you DM?

Thay took some deciphering!!

diddl · 09/09/2015 13:30

Oh yes it's the how it's dealt with that's the thing, but I don't think that OP deserves some of the things that she has been called for feeling the way she does.

TenQuidProQuo · 09/09/2015 13:57

OP. Thanks for graciously conceding you were being unreasonable. Smile.

Pidapie · 09/09/2015 13:58

Sorry, but you're a bit unreasonable here, but I gather you know that by now :) It's not a big deal, in the grand scheme of things.

diddl · 09/09/2015 14:09

I think though that if OP & her brother were bought this thing by their GPs & now OP's mum has bought the same thing for her GD, it wasn't a stretch for OP to think that this was a GP/GC thing.

Penfold007 · 09/09/2015 14:20

YABVU. When you and your brother were born someone gave you both a traditional gift relevant to your origins. Your DM has continued that tradition and given both her grandchild the heirloom style present.

Why should your nephew be excluded?

GoblinLittleOwl · 09/09/2015 14:22

I can't think of a way to [say it] without it coming across as childish!

That's because it is.