Coach leaving my son out of the team

[Mousybrown]

I'm really not if I should say anything or not as I'm normally pretty easygoing about kids stuff but this has really got my back up.
my son has played for the same football team for the last 7 years, every training session and match, he is there no matter what the weather...even if he is just on the bench but following a text from the new coach ( who has just taken the team over)he has been left out of the squad for the first two matches of this coming season ( not even on the bench, he has been told not to come...unless he wants to each from the sidelines).......this would be fine (ish) was it not for the fact that the new coach has taken on severl new players over the summer, some who already play for other teams and theses 'new boys' have been included in the team in some capacity either as players or as subs.
My son is gutted ( he is 11) and he doesn't want to go at the weekend to watch with all the other boys asking him why he isn't playing or in the kit and I really want to tell the coach to shove it......I know he isn't their star player and they want to put a good team out but......the kids has been a loyal player for years and he has been overlooked for kids who are only just signed and I feel so sad for him.......so would I be unreasonable to speak to the coach or not??

I work in kids sport and I hate stuff like this but sadly it is something I hear a lot, especially about football which seems to have some of the most competitive parents

Is it possible that the coach wants to have a look at the new players in a match situation, to see who can do what, before the team settles into a more regular 'squad'?

As dc get older though, it does tend to happen that the best players are in the squad. It's not really practical to run a squad with more than a team and a few subs - you'd get no familiarity with how others play, etc. I think there are ways and means of doing this, although, to be fair, I actually think, if he's not going to play them that week, it's better all round for a squad member to know that before the match so they aren't taken along presuming they'll play, when they won't.

Mousy please can I ask if you have paid your subs already?

My DH was a kids football coach for several years, and up to about the age of 11 did try to ensure that all kids got a reasonable go at playing.

However, from 11 upwards the leagues become competitive, with placings and trophies for the team who won the league. So he did generally pick the stronger players, trying to ensure weaker players had a game every few weeks, or prioritising them for friendlies. He was not allowed to take a player to the game and not play them at all, so if picked, the player would definitely get game time.

He did try to make clear to children and parents that players were picked on a mixture of ability, commitment, attitude and behaviour, but ultimately some children just were out of their depth at the level the team were playing at. All children were welcome at training no matter what their ability, but not all would be picked for the team. I

It's really hard on your DS, and I do feel for him, but I do also think it doesn't necessarily mean that the coach has a place in Hell waiting for him!

It's probably worth a chat with the coach to find out the basis on which the team is picked. It may also be worth looking around to find a club, maybe in a lower pool, where your son may be playing more at his level. The coach may even be able to help with this.

We pay the subs monthly by dd jammy . We will see what happens in the next few weeks and mabe rethink it, in the mean time I'm going to have a look at some other hobby groups he has expressed an interest in. Thanks eveyone.

My 11 year old has just started playing U12 football and things have changed. They're now in a league, with results posted online. Players are being selected mainly on ability, although attitude counts too. The "every kid gets a go, regardless" scenario no longer exists, so some children left the club before the season started, which was fair enough. They knew what was coming because the coaches were candid.

Last season, the more competent kids were getting frustrated by the weaker ones making numerous mistakes, which I suppose is understandable.

Have a word with the coach and ask him to be frank with you. Your son may need to find a non-league side. I'm not sure you'll succeed in changing the ethos or aims of the team (if you complain to club management and word gets around, he'll be under pressure to play really well not to cause resentment) but you'll know where you stand.

It sucks. I played netball and was solidly B Team so I truly know how he feels. I reckon he might be better off elsewhere. I wish I'd stopped plugging away at netball and concentrated on swimming instead.

I honestly don't recognise this 'everything changes at 11' attitude budgie speaks of. Both my DS have played in a highly competitive league but as far as I know, no children have ever been edged out of there team, as she describes, especially boys who have been commuted since day one. I hope all the trophies these coaches win are worth the broken hearts these children will have suffered. No wonder children don't want to play sport any more. Parents and coaches who care about winning need to get a grip.

'Their' and 'committed'

Sounds awful. My DCs sports team gets them to fill in a questionnaire at the start of the season asking what they want to get out of their sport. Having fun? Playing county? Being competitive? The approach is tailored to some degree) to the replies but nobody who wants to play doesn't at least get a chance to do do.

My husband is co-coach for our DS1s footy team and we have players of varying abilities but all of them play every match. He just uses subs throughout the games. We are not a very successful team but at least every lad gets a game and they all have fun. We've come across some right knobs in youth football, am sure they think they are the next Alex Ferguson. And the way they talk to some of these kids, it's disgusting.

It's sooo difficult. Yes of course everyone should get a game, but also it is incredibly demoralising to be badly beaten if you don't field your best team. Dp is a football coach and he spends a lot of time Juggling things trying to make sure that the weaker players get a game when the opposition isn't as strong. He deliberately doesn't play some of the kids against particular teams because, while not playing is rubbish, playing and being run rings round is even worse. Sometimes coaches are just crap, but sometimes they are really trying to do the best for the kids.........

It's a shame; my eldest was never super talented and quite scrawny and didn't make the Sunday morning first 11 team by the time he got to 16 or so. Fortunately his team played a couple of indoor five a sides games on a Friday night and he loved that. Thinking about it he played five a side with a bunch of mates in the sixth form too and still ocaisionally at Uni. There is some less competitive football to be found.

In my experience the parents and coaches care more about winning or losing than the children. In reality it doesn't even matter because all the really good players can't play in these leagues anyway because they are in academies. That's the stupidity of the parents and coaches who burst blood vessels watching their boys playing while thinking they're the next Messi.

In my experience the parents and coaches care more about winning or losing than the children.

Yes, but it depends.

My son's team lost most games they played last year. A couple of children were really upset at the end of some games, but most were happy just to play.
Thankfully the little group of parents was happier to chat to each other than to care about the games.

Absolutely Joni. We are very fortunate with DS's under 10s coach who gives all the kids equal time on the pitch and rotates the players, (I think he must have a big spreadsheet. Two sets of parents have flounced already this season because their little darlings were not up front every week. They weren't even the best ones in that position.

Sorry I men "rotates the positions"

Any coach that doesn't appreciate commitment at 11 or believes that raw talent sits above work and dedication isn't a good coach.

I really feel for your ds. Find another team .

All the people who say everyone should play - that's fine if it's 9 a side, and there are 12 or 13 in the squad, or 11-a-side and 15 or 16 in the squad. I absolutely agree.

However, if there are 23 or 30 that have been coming to training, it's just not realistic or practical. Here's an idea - why don't the parents of the players that can't get a game, form another team, so everyone can get a game?
Too many people are not looking at the bigger picture.

My ds never made the cut as a footballer. He loves the game. But, in life, we can't all be great at everything - he found his niche elsewhere, and sill enjoyed a kick around in the park with his mates on a regular basis. Now he's gone to University, he's formed a team with some other students and they play regularly in a 5 (?) / 6 (?) a-side local league in that town. That's the fab thing about mens football - you can play somewhere whatever your ability.

Our coach won't take on too many players thus avoiding the squad being too large. I think any half decent coach would do the same.

Mine both stopped when this win at all costs attitude kicked in. Ds1 was 9, ds2 8.
Both my boy's do different sports now, ds1 competing nationally. We tried a number of sports including: rugby, gymnastics, dance, swimming, martial arts, athletics before they found the sports they preferred (both different hobbies).

Contrary to popular belief football is not the be all and end all. I know an international medalist who was not picked for football as he was told he was not sporty!

happened to my son exactly as you describe with the local kids football team when he was 11.
Broke my very robust son's heart .

The coach is an idiot.

find him a rugby club

How sad kids' football is. It's no wonder so many give up sport and spend their weekends sitting on their arses playing computer games when it's pretty much accepted that those who aren't brilliant players get relegated to the benches once they get out of primary.

Honestly, who bloody cares who wins? They're not playing for money are they? Why on earth do they need leagues?

I'm probably being naive but you don't see chess clubs getting like this. Or choirs. Or even swimming.

There's something about Football.

Is it men?

Its the same for many team sports IME, once they get past about 11 or 12. For instance, my DD plays cricket. About 25 kids go to training on a Friday night. Only 11 can be picked for the matches on Sundays. My DD is never picked.

And I'm fine with that. She's not one of the best players, so actually I think she shouldn't be picked. The team want a chance of winning. But she goes every week to training and loves it. They do exercises and play mini matches. She's not excluded, she just doesn't play Sunday matches. She still gets to play cricket at training, just because she doesn't make the team doesn't mean she can't enjoy the sport.

Why don't you find her another team where she can play sunday matches budgiegirl? Is she fine with the fact that she's never chosen to play? Sounds really crap to me

Although I agree that winning shouldn't be the be all and end all, it seems obvious to me that if you have more children training than places on the team, then some will be left out. Put in that context, is it such a terrible thing that the OP's child miss 2 games?