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AIBU?

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Original poster

Coach leaving my son out of the team

256 replies

Mousybrown · 08/09/2015 18:09

I'm really not if I should say anything or not as I'm normally pretty easygoing about kids stuff but this has really got my back up.
my son has played for the same football team for the last 7 years, every training session and match, he is there no matter what the weather...even if he is just on the bench but following a text from the new coach ( who has just taken the team over)he has been left out of the squad for the first two matches of this coming season ( not even on the bench, he has been told not to come...unless he wants to each from the sidelines).......this would be fine (ish) was it not for the fact that the new coach has taken on severl new players over the summer, some who already play for other teams and theses 'new boys' have been included in the team in some capacity either as players or as subs.
My son is gutted ( he is 11) and he doesn't want to go at the weekend to watch with all the other boys asking him why he isn't playing or in the kit and I really want to tell the coach to shove it......I know he isn't their star player and they want to put a good team out but......the kids has been a loyal player for years and he has been overlooked for kids who are only just signed and I feel so sad for him.......so would I be unreasonable to speak to the coach or not??

OP posts:
MiddleAgedandConfused · 09/09/2015 11:02

whatsthatcomingoverthehill - so a coach can't bring children with him when he moves just because the kids like working with him?
So sport is only inclusive if the inclusivity happens 'naturally'? What does 'naturally' mean?

No idea what you mean by that.

Maryz · 09/09/2015 11:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

jonicomelately · 09/09/2015 11:04

my last post was to middleaged btw Smile

MiddleAgedandConfused · 09/09/2015 11:11

I think what makes me most cross about this post is the idea that snowflake won't support go to his team if he is not picked to play. I can't get my head around how any parent thinks that this is acceptable. What message is the OP giving to snowflake is she says that's OK? It's wrong on sooooo many levels.

whatsthatcomingoverthehill · 09/09/2015 11:11

Naturally, as in they're looking round for a team and ask to play. As opposed to the coach getting a new gig and bringing his favourites with him. Can you not see the difference?

whatsthatcomingoverthehill · 09/09/2015 11:12

Maybe it's because the kid no longer sees it as 'his' team, but the coach's.

MiddleAgedandConfused · 09/09/2015 11:20

whatsthatcomingoverthehill so a kid who just approaches the club to play is OK because that is 'natural'? But one who comes to the club because they want to work with the coach or has been asked to join is 'unnatural' and not allowed?
So some kids can be included and others not, depending on their reasons for wanting to join the club? So do you propose interviewing them? Asking them to justify why they want to join? Refusing club membership if you disapprove of their motives? Who would decide - the parents? The club chairman?
Wow - that's a whole new level of weird. Confused

whatsthatcomingoverthehill · 09/09/2015 11:21

I've seen this happen before. New coach comes in, brings a number of players with him. Mainly picks his new players, giving the odd 10 minutes from the bench to make it look like he's being 'fair'. But in training he's mainly concentrating on 'his' players. Over time the original players begin to get fed up and leave. In a couple of years it's pretty much all new players as the coach has successfully ostracised the original ones. But he's not coaching the same team, not doing what he was asked to do. He should have just started his own team with his own players if that's what he wanted. Instead he's ruined the sport for a number of kids. Good job.

whatsthatcomingoverthehill · 09/09/2015 11:23

Yes, I think a coach coming in and from the off asking other players to join them (before he's even had chance to look at the team he's got from the sounds of it), in effect replacing existing players is completely off. This is U11s not professional football. He was asked to coach this team not make up a new one.

whatsthatcomingoverthehill · 09/09/2015 11:25

What's a whole new level of weird is your complete inability to get why people might be upset by this situation.

MiddleAgedandConfused · 09/09/2015 11:27

So that is up to the club to manage internally through discussion with the coach. I can't see how you can possibly manage this by refusing membership to children.
I am sure it happens but the solution is for the club to manage the coach better, not for a parental committee to exclude children they think might take their own kids places on the team.

TwmSionCati · 09/09/2015 11:28

As others might have said, try rugby or cricket for him - much more inclusive than football.

MiddleAgedandConfused · 09/09/2015 11:29

Most people on this thread do not understand that these teams are open to anyone, not a closed shop based on who got there first.

TantrumsAndBalloons · 09/09/2015 11:29

I completely agree with joni regarding academies.
IME whilst they do only take players who show the potential the focus is less on winning and more about development.
Attitude is equally important as is commitment- in an academy at junior level you can be fantastic at running down the pitch and banging goals in but if you don't turn up every session, give 100 percent effort, pass the ball, listen to the coaches you are out.

CocktailQueen · 09/09/2015 11:31

It makes me really sad to read about 11 year olds being left out of teams endlessly. Everyone has to deal with disappointment but 11 year old boys take their football so so seriously. The least he could do is have the whole squad there and swap them in for a bit. It's really pathetic of him to only select the star players at age 11.

That happens at age 7 and 8, never mind 11! By that time there are some boys who are great at football and love it, and others who think it's OK and are ok at playing. There's a big divide. And the good boys tend to be more competitive. it;'s hard for a manager to manage all the expectations. The good players will leave a team and move if they don't win enough games. DS has been in a team since Reception and some other teams always choose their best players to play the entire match and weaker players are given a few minutes of game time or left out.

Coaches do get a lot of criticism, it's true. Must be v hard to be a coach - they're damned if they do and damned if they don't.

whatsthatcomingoverthehill · 09/09/2015 11:32

Lots of clubs refuse membership. They say they're full. Around here there are waiting lists for teams. I never said anything about a parental committee Confused, but yes it should be down to the club to keep an eye on the situation and step in if needed.

CocktailQueen · 09/09/2015 11:33

I think they're too young at 11 to care too much about winning.

NO!! They're absolutely not. My ds is in an U9 team now and has been in a team since U6 and ever since then some of the boys have cared desperately whether they win or lose - we've had tantrums, tears, strops, depression after losing. DS is competitive but thankfully not to that extent. it doesn't spoil his weekend if they lose. But it does some of the other boys and their dads

MiddleAgedandConfused · 09/09/2015 11:33

TwmSionCati - I have the impression that rugby is even worse for cronyism than any other sport. Could be wrong.
My friends son has just changed rugby club because they moved and can't get any games because selection is based on 'mates only' - an approach whatsthatcomingoverthehill and the OP seem to support.

whatsthatcomingoverthehill · 09/09/2015 11:35

Seems you're deliberately misreading my posts now Middle. What the OP describes does seem to be selection on 'mates only' . The ones that the coach brought with him though.

TwmSionCati · 09/09/2015 11:36

oh really? round here they just grab any likely looking lad and force him into a strip and put him in the first fifteen Grin
Mind you it is the national religion.

Lweji · 09/09/2015 11:37

Has anyone had a goal keeper (not my son) who throws a tantrum and decides to sit during the game because his team is losing - and he has let too many in?

PolkadotsAndMoonbeams · 09/09/2015 11:39

My DB's team always played with rolling subs (as far as I'm aware that's normal for junior league?). So everybody would be rotated on and off throughout the game and it meant the manager could switch in/out depending on where the other team was strongest.

So if a team had a very fast left wing, a boy who could match him (for speed if not passing as accurately) might get to play longer that week - or if they had poor defence you could put a slightly weaker attack out, so the boys play longer. Then if the next week has a strong team, you play your weaker boys less.

It's about making the best use if your resources... And if they're not even there, how can you use them?

TwmSionCati · 09/09/2015 11:40

really Lweji?
Football has become so corrupted these days, what with footballers being so grossly overpaid and so on. We did try the local practice session but it was dreadful, simply dreadful, with football dads screaming abuse at the sidelines and vile boys with gelled hair and brand new boots hacking the shins of any new comers....
horrible game.

budgiegirl · 09/09/2015 11:43

Lots of clubs refuse membership. They say they're full

Maybe because they are full. My DH allowed a maximum squad of 18, because he couldn't run an effective training session with more than that. He had a duty of care to the kids, and had to limit the number to ensure safety and some individual attention.

jonicomelately · 09/09/2015 11:47

Cocktail That level of despair from 11 year olds is learned behaviour. Most children are deeply disappointed about losing. I know mine are. That's healthy. They'll go upstairs to sulk and then after an hour or so they'll be kicking a ball in the garden again. These, may I remind you are very competitive children. The behaviour you describe is not normal and perhaps goes to my earlier point about children being scared of losing rather than wanting to win? My ds are upset after a defeat but it's never anything compared to the disappointment on some of the parents and coaches faces. People need to seriously understand how they are projecting their feelings onto their children.