Coach leaving my son out of the team

[Mousybrown]

I'm really not if I should say anything or not as I'm normally pretty easygoing about kids stuff but this has really got my back up.
my son has played for the same football team for the last 7 years, every training session and match, he is there no matter what the weather...even if he is just on the bench but following a text from the new coach ( who has just taken the team over)he has been left out of the squad for the first two matches of this coming season ( not even on the bench, he has been told not to come...unless he wants to each from the sidelines).......this would be fine (ish) was it not for the fact that the new coach has taken on severl new players over the summer, some who already play for other teams and theses 'new boys' have been included in the team in some capacity either as players or as subs.
My son is gutted ( he is 11) and he doesn't want to go at the weekend to watch with all the other boys asking him why he isn't playing or in the kit and I really want to tell the coach to shove it......I know he isn't their star player and they want to put a good team out but......the kids has been a loyal player for years and he has been overlooked for kids who are only just signed and I feel so sad for him.......so would I be unreasonable to speak to the coach or not??

Unfortunately, this is what happens in football. It's hard, because your local village team effectively isn't that any longer and by moving teams you're having to drive to training, drive to matches, so this impacts on the family as it takes up more time. There are also new people to meet, a new dynamic to understand and you need to throw the cosy slippers away.

I've had two DSs play football for a number of teams over the years. They've moved on from their original teams for many of the reasons mentioned - being dropped, or playing a minimal amount of time, getting cold on the bench and failing to perform when it's their turn for five minutes on the pitch, being poached by the coach of another team. They've done academy football and we've shelled out a lot of money.

Before you know it, it's not about "what can we (the coach, manager, club) do for you son", but rather ""what can your son do for us" and you're quickly dropped if the answer to that question is "not a lot".

As one DS is goalie, he gets to play 100% of every match. He makes great saves, and any goals he lets in are "defensive errors", never "goalie errors". Well, there might be one every once in a while and we then just chuckle in the car on the way home.

This thread is one of the reasons why no one wants to coach children, if your child is not good enough then he's not good enough, harassing the staff and the league chairman because they've not been picked.. LOOOL..

Before you know it, it's not about "what can we (the coach, manager, club) do for you son", but rather ""what can your son do for us" and you're quickly dropped if the answer to that question is "not a lot"

I do think that this can be true, once the leagues become competitive from 11 upwards. It's an easy trap for clubs to fall into. But most coaches/clubs will be thinking 'What can we do for all our kids?", and it does take a lot of effort from everybody to meet the requirements of all the individual children.

It's very easy to criticise, but almost impossible if you are not involved in the running of a team to see how difficult the running of a team is.

Frankbough - you are completely wrong. I coach children through the pony club and if you think football parents are pushy you've seen nothing!! But we have codes of behaviour and an ethos of inclusivity. Doesn't seem to hold children back from excelling if they are good enough

The 'fair' thing is to play the best team! Develop talent.
The attitude expressed in this thread is the reason why Britain is generally not great at sport

The attitude of winning over development is exactly why Britain (particularly our footballers) isn't excelling. Look at athletics. We excel there and they put HUGE emphasis on development. The youngest team in my local athletics club is U13.

So do some clubs only play matches then? What about training? My ds does 3-4 hours of training a week- much more important in terms of development than 60 minutes of match play.

My ds coaches childrens football and unfortunately this is what happens.
They need the best team and loyalty counts for nothing if it is a competitive team.
If it is a local kick about team catering for all levels then the coach is out of order.
it's the same in many activities including most other sports, music, dance, so YABU, I'm afraid.

Matches are competitive!

Any match - whatever the sport - is about fielding your best team. It's a tough lesson that loyalty doesn't always pay, but nonetheless a valuable one. After all, GCSEs are not awarded on the amount of effort put in: it plays a part, but you need inspiration as well as perspiration.

It is unfortunate that those who want to play often can't get a spot, and I wish more effort (by parents as well as schools) was put into organising sport for less talented players. I notice that quite a few team sports are springing up locally for adults, such as netball, and it seems a shame that the same level of enthusiasm isn't there just when kids need a push to be active.

I have pointed out earlier that even top adult teams sometimes play their least used players in easier games and tend to rotate the team. Why can't kids teams do it as well, particularly as there are no money prizes involved?

The attitude of winning over development is exactly why Britain (particularly our footballers) isn't excelling. Look at athletics. We excel there and they put HUGE emphasis on development. The youngest team in my local athletics club is U13
How does developing players/athletes who are never going to excel because their genes haven't dealt them the right cards, helping Britain win at sport?

I have seen lots of kids blossom at 13

When the early talent has dropped by the wayside

I have pointed out earlier that even top adult teams sometimes play their least used players in easier games and tend to rotate the team. Why can't kids teams do it as well

I think that many kids clubs will do this. But there may still be players who are just out of their depth and will never get much match time. I really don't think you can compare it to top adults teams, where all the players are already of a very high standard. No top team is ever going to field a team they don't think can win.

I think there is room in kids football for clubs that have a winning mentality, and those that have a more inclusive ethos. It's just about finding the right club for your child. And maybe just accepting that whatever club you choose, your child may sometimes not get picked .

I have avoided this by putting my boys in a the local leisure centre football on a Sat. There are about 10 set teams per age group which play the other teams on rotation in a mini league. Same time, same place every week. No one gets left out, can call in friends if someone away. It is a bit competitive as everyone wants to win the league but everyone gets to play and there are no subs and no one not being picked.

I agree.

Just not with the idea that only the top best have to be chosen all the time.

Just not with the idea that only the top best have to be chosen all the time.

Actually, I think that's ok if there's a small core of 'top' players that play every week, and weaker players get rotated. As long as the club is upfront about how they are picking the team.

I think another question is perhaps how many 11yo are good because they have been signed up to train 6 days a week for the last 5 years.

I've noticed with ds (just turned 8yo) that in the last year a number of his friends whom he regards as good at football are training with up to three groups 6 days a week. Some of these probably are naturally good, but I wonder whether a number will get to 11/12/13yo and discover that they aren't actually going to make it professionally, but they can't do anything else. They all think they're going to make it, even can tell you which team they're going to play for.

Ds does training once a week which doesn't have matches, which I can see leaves him at a disadvantage. Otoh he does 2 other sports, plus musical things too, so has a heap of different interests. I couldn't do training 6 days a week anyway, as it wouldn't be fair on his sisters.
But if he did decide that he wanted to go for a team I can see that he wouldn't stand a chance simply because he hasn't been doing only that.
On one of the other sports he does the boys are frequently coming on from a different sport, or leaving quickly to get to another sport, and at his age twice a week is more than most do.

That would be an interesting study: What proportion of football players at 11yo are 1. only children or siblings far enough away in age to count as only children; 2. have only brothers.

This is a really interesting article Witchend which deals with some of the issues you've raised in your post.

www.momsteam.com/successful-parenting/early-bloomers-late-bloomers-gifted-athlete-advantages-disadvantages

My DH coaches my sons team. We've got the usual parents shouting at the players, extremely offputting for the players. My DH really tries to include all the kids but the sad fact is the older they get the more competitive the games are and the better the teams they play against are. He was been having a nightmare with a boy who comes along, or should we say who's mother drags him along. It's kind of obvious the boy has zero interest. Barely can kick a ball and when he does he ALWAYS passes to the opposition. And there's his mother cheering him on telling all the other parents how keen her son is and how much he loves it.
It's really unfair on the other kids as they are basically a man down when this child is on.
But my husband still includes him but just for short bursts now.
And as soon as he's taken off the mother runs up demanding to know why.
He also has a few dads who criticise his every move and bellow at the kids.
Being a coach is a total thankless task. It really irritates me that the ones who criticise never offer to help but are full of opinions.
My dh is a volunteer and giving up his time twice a week for a load of grief.
Obviously I don't know what the op coach is thinking, I hope the situation gets sorted soon.

Lots of training in the week and numerous matches is sometimes a dad living out his football career vicariously.

Ah, it's Mom's Team, not a forum for mums to let off steam.

My dad has been a kids football coach for many years (thinks he's the manager of man utd) and is ruthless in his tactics. So much so when my brother was playing for him he was benched every week for being crap. Also I remember once a child's mum writing my dad a letter about how upset her son was about being a sub all season and my dad responding that he just wanted to win. I think maybe the new coach is doing the same and disregarding your sons feelings. Sigh it's just a game.

Lots of training in the week and numerous matches is sometimes a dad living out his football career vicariously

Sometimes I suppose that could be true, but realistically I don't think there are many children that will put hours of effort into something they aren't passionate about. The child needs to want to do it too.

Oh dear driver, that doesn't sound good. There's a difference between a competitive team, and one that must 'win at all costs'

budgie So much of kids sport these day is parent driven. They are the ones insisting on so much training. I don't think young children would ever choose to practice so much. That's the reason why it's so hard to retain older teens in sport, even football. Once they can vote with their feet they often drop out of training and teams.