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to ask why society hates single mums?

309 replies

maxxytoe · 06/09/2015 13:30

Just why?
I very rarely see the press mention anything about single mums in a good way , it's always vilifying them for being single , on benefits etc
Even on facebook people I know (who have been raised by single mums may I add Hmm ) do status' saying something along the lines of 'the single mums will be out spending the child benefit in town tonight' Hmm

There's a guy at my work who got custody of his children and people cant praise him enough and say how he's doing a great job etc
But yet my colleague who is a single mum doesn't get the same ?

What is societies problem with single mums?!

OP posts:
TheFormidableMrsC · 13/09/2015 21:40

Goodness me, have come back to this thread and find myself open mouthed at Frank. So, Frank, despite me partially sharing my story way way upthread, I thought I might expand and thus you can avail me of your opinion of how I ended up at the bottom of the pit you so despise! I am 46 years old, the mother (and registered carer) of a 4 year old boy and a 17 year old girl (who I might add is in further education and working in London at the weekends). I grew up in the Home Counties, in a large Edwardian house in a very affluent North London suburb. I was privately educated, in a Convent, no less. At 15 I secured my first Saturday job in Harrods. I completed higher education and started a lovely City career. A six year relationship (in which I didn't want to get married!) resulted in a pregnancy at 29 years old. I had my beautiful daughter, her father and I parted company when she was less than a year old. Two years later I married my husband (this must have been where it all went wrong and I turned all Jeremy Kyle). In 2007 my husband decided that I would be better off working for him in his business. I gave up my career and did just that. My husband then, inexplicably, started piling on the pressure as he decided he wanted to be a father after all these years. Indeed, he did such a fabulous job he scuppered contraception. I found myself pregnant at 41 and did not wish to continue with the pregnancy. My husband said he would leave if I did not. By now, so utterly dependent on him, I continued on. He left anyway. Our son was 2 1/2 years old, he had an affair with a widow (you know, one of the "deserving" in your opinion) whose husband had been dead for all of five seconds (in reality, my husband moved in five months after his funeral). He cut off all financial support, sacked me from the company, cut off utilities, sold my children's shares, cancelled phone contracts (and when he couldn't, committed fraud alongside OW), cancelled the car insurance, all so I KNEW he was "serious" about leaving. I found myself, literally overnight, with nothing, zero. The Citizen's Advice Bureau saved me. However, I then became benefit dependent overnight. In the meantime, my son was diagnosed with autism. I am now his carer. Do you think I like being in this situation? Do you think that this is what I wanted for my children, a career choice?! I have paid HUNDREDS of thousands in tax over the years...I refuse to feel guilty or apologetic about the situation I am in now. I am about to start retraining in order to get myself out of the hole I am in. I took my husband to court, self represented and won 100% of the marital assets and a joint lives nominal order. You can fuck the hell off if you think I am worthy of the contempt piled on by readers of the DailyFail and their ilk and you. How dare you make such huge judgemental generalisations of those who find themselves single parents, let alone the single parents on benefits the filthy scroungers. Fortunately for the merry widow my husband ran off with, she was largely provided for by the fact her husband was a public servant. My husband is currently licking his lips at the money he has at his disposal, while paying £150.00 a month "maintenance" for his little boy. I really do think you need to redirect your misplaced opinions to those who leave people like me in positions like this.

LilacSpunkMonkey · 13/09/2015 21:50

Bloody hell, MrsC, your ex is despicable.

You know what Frank's going to say though? That it's your own fault for making poor decisions when it comes to men. Because it's all our own fault, you see. Also, he'll probably dismiss your background as 'storification'. He likes his big words, does Frank, despite having no grasp of basic literacy.

The irony is that the only woman on this thread with poor choice in men is MrsFrank, who has hitched her wagon to a complete misogynist.

TheFormidableMrsC · 13/09/2015 22:09

Lilac, I know I know that I have lined myself up for a whole load of uneducated abuse from Frank. Of course, I should have known not to trust my husband of 11 years (at the time DS was born), I should have KNOWN. My background is also a figment of my imagination as we ALL know when we're on the "benefit justification" bandwagon Hmm. I will freely admit that I have been that disgruntled taxpayer in the past. I know several people who have openly made a career out of being on benefits. I find the whole thing hideous and humiliating myself, and I am desperate to get out of it. Poor MrsFrank....she won't even know will she?!

amarmai · 13/09/2015 22:27

Mrs C you are doing brilliantly. You took him to court and argued your own case! and won! WOW! Did you enjoy cross examining the SOB? He cut off the utilities and cancelled the phone contracts and car insurance so he would not be caught liable for the bills and left you and your ds without the basic necessities. This is why we need a welfare state. Maybe there is another court case you could undertake for fraud/theft/----He's with the widow so he can fleece her too. Bet she gets in touch with you in a few years looking for sympathy and support. Keep on being the Formidable Mrs. C! Love your name and you have earned it.

frankbough · 14/09/2015 10:11

The stats show that single parents from divorce/marriage have stayed the same, but those from co habitation a less secure form of relationship have increased dramatically and are on the increase..
No one hates SM, I'm just discussing some stats, yet we have posters with a 5-th degree black belt in solipsism, writing an history of their life story..
How dare I not see and feel your point of view as well..

Mrs Bough is very happy thanks, we had quite a chuckle at Lurks reply, she'd make a very poor detective..

Lurkedforever1 · 14/09/2015 10:42

Is mrs bough the deputy editor of the mail? Or did I hit a sore spot? Bet you actually were grinding your teeth at the fact one of your deserving objects of pity, divorced , middle class for generations, working single mother had the audacity to disagree with your bigotry and ignorance. I believe you never got back to me on who provided the system and indeed the economy that allowed you to become a high rate tax payer? Oh yes, that would be the higher rate tax payers.

frankbough · 14/09/2015 12:04

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UrbaneFox · 14/09/2015 16:32

"The irony is that the only woman on this thread with poor choice in men is MrsFrank, who has hitched her wagon to a complete misogynist."

So true! Wine

Flowerpower41 · 14/09/2015 16:42

Society is very patriarchal and misogynistic in that it demonises single parents who can cope alone raising their children as they find these women highly offensive as this subculture challenges the norm.

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