to ask why society hates single mums?

[maxxytoe]

Just why?
I very rarely see the press mention anything about single mums in a good way , it's always vilifying them for being single , on benefits etc
Even on facebook people I know (who have been raised by single mums may I add ) do status' saying something along the lines of 'the single mums will be out spending the child benefit in town tonight'

There's a guy at my work who got custody of his children and people cant praise him enough and say how he's doing a great job etc
But yet my colleague who is a single mum doesn't get the same ?

What is societies problem with single mums?!

you take full responsibility for your choice in men

yes its back to the 90's again lets just blame the MOTHERS.

OP I take back what I original said and now agree that society still does hate single mothers given some of the replies of this thread.

Ghost, your individual experience doesn't either reflect the outcome neither does is alter the outcome.. Your bringing personal experience and bias into the debate..

I'm not blaming mothers, ANYBODY, who deliberately chooses to break the family unit which is the basis of our communities should be condemned, it should not be a lifestyle choice that either the man or woman should make...

I don't need to watch Jeremy Kyle, I can see the legacy in my own family(mums side) and my the legacy of my wives family..
And yes I've had many heated debate with jack the lad friends who cheat and abandon their families...

Gosh, Frank, how do you work me out then?

Single mother of 3.

Educated to Masters level with a professional qualification (teacher). Ex equally well-qualified and professional (psychologist).

Lived and worked all over the world prior to marriage. Travelled alone. Very independent. Speak 3 languages fluently, on top of English.

Married at age 30 after living with (now ex) husband for 2 years. Were together for a year before living together. Had children 6 years into our relationship. Owned own home, new cars on driveway, own business prior to having children.

Lived in South East. Childcare prohibitive (£50+ per day, per child). Became stay at home mum, supporting ex in business ventures in the evenings and working 1 day a week on own consultancy work.

Ex walks out. Leaves me with a mortgage of £1.5k a month, refuses to contribute a penny. Is able to manipulate business earnings so doesn't have to pay a penny. Immediately up my own work to 3 days a week but discover I'm pregnant.

thousands wasted on divorce (other woman involved). Moved to a cheaper part of the country. Ex came too. Not paid a penny willingly in over 8 years - CSA got to point of selling his house and he coughed up a little, over time, slowly...no on-going maintenance paid.

eventually retrained and am working full-time. Own my own home thanks to a judge who gave me a decent divorce settlement. Support us well enough with the help of tax credits as well.

I made a lifestyle choice? I should take responsibility for my choice in men?

how about recognising that with the best will in the world, relationships go wrong. And people behave badly. And sometimes, the person left holding the baby is doing their very best and doesn't deserve to be treated like shit.

Single mums - shit
Single dads - amazing
SAHMs - don't pay their way
SAHDs - selflessly allowing their partners to pursue their career
WOHMs - selfish
WOHDs - providing for their families

This^^

I was a single mum and was frequently vilified. People made so many stereotypical assumptions about me.

It didn't matter what I did (work/sahm) there'd be someone openly criticising me.

Oh, Frank is a goady fucker who always turns up on these kind of threads to be a complete shit to people.

Why does he think his and his wife's background is of any use when he dismisses anyone else's as 'storification'?

Frank, basically, why don't you fuck off to F4J. You've got the same shit mentality and they'd welcome you with open arms.

There is zero acceptance from me for man to leave the family they have created, that's his responsibility..
The point I'm making is the stats show a near enough fifty fifty split between single parent families created by divorce, the rest is thru casual relationships or co habitation, those are the ones most worrying because it's an increasing trend..

Are you saying that people are ticking boxes on forms that say 'relationship ended because it was only casual'?

Fuck off is that happening.

People here are telling you what happened to them but anything that doesn't fit your woman-hating agenda is either ignored or dismissed as 'storification'.

I know lots of single mothers. Only one has ever said her kids were from one night stands and that was lies. She lived with their Dad but they were scamming their benefits.

Everyone else has been left by their partner. Men who just walked out the door.

More pressure needs putting on them, not the Mothers left behind to deal with the fallout.

Oh, and I co-habited. I was with my ex for 19 years. We had out first child after 6 years. We owned our house. I was the higher earner until redundancy.

He left for someone else. Him, not me.

Even if we'd been married, he still would have left. Being married doesn't stop someone behaving like a cunt, you know.

still no FACTS from F
still mansplaining from his personal pov
still telling us our pov/experience is irrelevant

I don't need to watch Jeremy Kyle, I can see the legacy in my own family(mums side) and my the legacy of my wives family.

That is literally only your experience. You obviously associate with lots of people who behave as your "path A" types. It certainly doesnt describe any of the single parents i know.

Path A has poverty, drug, alcohol, sexual , physical abuse, ill health and early death, just to name a few

Path B has greatly reduced chances of any of the above, it's a bit boring, go to work, save your pennies all this interspersed with a bit of fun.
People are choosing behaviours that lead directly to path A, and then expecting everyone else to pick up the tab

Not sure where you are going with this, are you having a compleate about face turn given that the majority of domestic physical abuse happens in the context of a relationship as does the majority of domestic sexual abuse, if you look at sexual abuse of children the overwhelming majority is commited by a close family member with dad/step dad being the most likely offender and most of the time they live in the same household as the child

A white young man in between the age of 18-24 is more likely to have drug issues than most other people if I recall correctly closely followed by doctors and those with higher IQ's or things like bipolar and ADHD

Lilac 90% of all co habiting couples split up by the time the child is 15, yours lasted a little longer.. For married couples the outcome is significantly better..

Evidence for that stat frank? Or for any of your claims?

I'm not mansplaning, ONS, CSJ, all use data from reputable sources eg census..
www.centreforsocialjustice.org.uk/UserStorage/pdf/Pdf%20Exec%20summaries/CSJ_Fractured_Families_Executive_Summary.pdf

www.marriagefoundation.org.uk/Shared/Uploads/Products/92318_May%202013%20-%20Myth%20of%20long%20term%20stable%20relationships%20outside%20marriage.pdf

You're seriously trying to say that if I'd been married, as opposed to home-owning, both full-time working, co-habiting partners he wouldn't have left for another woman?

Because all the cheaters we hear about on here are co-habiting, aren't they? Never married.

50% of marriages end in divorce.

As I said, cheaters will cheat and leave regardless of marriage.

Men who walk away leave because society cares more about blaming the single mothers than the loser fathers.

But you know all this.

Frank if youre swallowing the bullshit in that link then youre even more stupid than youve come across here. Please engage your brain. Can you link from unbiased sources that havent got a very clear agenda? I mean the "marriage foundation"? Come on! Show some wit!

"Amongst parents who remain intact, 93% are married"

Are we talking about amputees here? is that another thing marriage protects against? Losing a limb?

Frank is in favour of the removal of all benefits from people, so clearly he obviously doesn't give a shit about the children growing up in fractured families.

He's also a liar, as previous threads he's posted on prove with contradicting 'facts' about him and the fictitious lovely Mrs Bough.

I'm not mansplaning, ONS, CSJ, all use data from reputable sources eg census..

Is that the same kind of data/statics published that said I lived on a large estate that was occupied by onlysingle parents but FACTS/REALITY was that it was just two, me being one of them.

Fancy that people lying on those proven paper facts

This, from a study by the institute of Fiscal Studies says something important in relation to the importance (or otherwise) of marriage: "Instead, it seems simply that different sorts of
people choose to get married and have children, rather than to have children as a cohabiting couple, and that those relationships with the best prospects of lasting are the ones that are most likely to lead to marriage. Our analysis suggests, therefore, that if more cohabiting parents decide to get married, it is very unlikely that a significant number would become more likely to stay together"

In other words, the aspects of your life and character (such as age, education, family background) which make you more likely to want to marry, are also those which make you more likely to sustain a long term, stable relationship.

50% of marriages do not end in divorce, the figure is more like 1 in 3.

If your going to discredit the data say why, the is data collected from the census even with a large variable above and beyond the -/+ 5 stated in the study, the figures still prove my point about co habitation being unstable..

If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck it's a duck..

Even if only 1/3 marriages end in divorce that still means thousands of children put up with abusive and miserable family lives from parents who would do a lot better apart. Staying married is one thing, staying in a good marriage is what matters.

^This, from a study by the institute of Fiscal Studies says something important in relation to the importance (or otherwise) of marriage: "Instead, it seems simply that different sorts of
people choose to get married and have children, rather than to have children as a cohabiting couple, and that those relationships with the best prospects of lasting are the ones that are most likely to lead to marriage. Our analysis suggests, therefore, that if more cohabiting parents decide to get married, it is very unlikely that a significant number would become more likely to stay together"^

Well, sure. If you are the kind of person who opts for marriage in a time where it's becoming archaic, then you're probably an vanishingly rare 'traditional' type. I don't think that this necessarily means that you're a doormat or that you court violent men, but rather that you intend to stick it out (barring abuse or addiction) because you believe in the two-parent family.

This has always been my mantra.

Frank please answer what a mother should do after husband of 12 years has an affair and walks out on his family?

A) give the child up for adoption so child not raised by single parent
B) instantly shack up with another man so child is not in a single person household?
C) become single parent
Which is the better option as you are saying option c damages children?