to ask why society hates single mums?

[maxxytoe]

Just why?
I very rarely see the press mention anything about single mums in a good way , it's always vilifying them for being single , on benefits etc
Even on facebook people I know (who have been raised by single mums may I add ) do status' saying something along the lines of 'the single mums will be out spending the child benefit in town tonight'

There's a guy at my work who got custody of his children and people cant praise him enough and say how he's doing a great job etc
But yet my colleague who is a single mum doesn't get the same ?

What is societies problem with single mums?!

I doubt they're in a good position to teach a most of the health curriculum. Always practise safe sex, get 30 min of cardio a day, get 5 servings of fruit and vegetables.

I see you've changed my proposition substantially?

I suggest re-reading RyanORiley's post on Wed 09-Sep-15 00:11:45 (I missed it first time).
Most people are - in some way or other - in a pretty similar boat, struggling along to bring up our kids in a reasonable and unimpoverished fashion, whether in a relationship or not. The media encourages these divisions and sets us against each other (attacking single parents, "benefit scrounger", the ill, the fat...). Divide and rule. While we're doing this, we're not addressing the really fundamental problems in society (e.g., the tyranny of the banking system).

And good points from MagickPants. Stepping out of "traditional" (in this particular society) family units threatens the people who have traditionally been at the top of the pile in such a system. When people defend something so fiercely (as people do with the "traditional family unit") it tends to be through fear. Those in power are the least likely to be wanting fundamental change.

mrsdevere I actually think that the attitude towards single parents has actually gone back towards that of how you describe it in the 90's

there was, IMO, a relatively short period of time I would say early 00's to I would say about 2010 hmm when the conservatives got back in where it actually seemed more acceptable to be a single mum. myself and a lot of my friends were single mums and it just wasn't an issue at all, I for one was not ashamed whereas if I ended up in the same position now I think I would be, not because I think its shameful but because of all the horrible propaganda about

hope that makes sense, maybe it was just my own perception and not society as a whole

the problem with single mum categories is one size does not fit all.

I'm currently a single mum totally by choice (I decided to have two more children with out anybody else) but I have been widowed and divorced.

It's all very silly to put people in boxes with some worthy of your respect or lack of derision and others unworthy. I'm always amused as to why anybody thinks they are important enough that their assesment of worthiness even matters

" I'm always amused as to why anybody thinks they are important enough that their assesment of worthiness even matters "
good attitude Sock, who are these people anyway?

Bottlecap came up with a few good idea's, it's quite obvious the sexual revolution has a left a little bit of a mess in it's wake..
Within the next generation half of all people will be obese and half of all children will live in a single parent household, current figures suggest this is seriously hampering our society/economy, if it's costing us more than the defence budget now, the financial cost will dwarf the NHS budget in the coming yrs.. Why on earth anyone thinks this is a good thing is beyond me..

And as for the patriarchy, banking system, self esteem and any other drivel...
This is the same banking system that provides the capital for people to sit around all day eating pot noodles whilst moaning about their demanding jobs and lack of opportunity... Oh and moaning about men..

How about married stable higher rate tax payers like me and mine who started at the bottom, YTS, Mrs bough waitress, tell all you moaning beggars there is no more help, all benefits are stopped immediately and you take full responsibility for your choice in men, your choice in employment and pay for your own kids, food and entertainment..

twm who knows, who knows. I met one once she blustered a lot provided great entertainment but never really made much sense

How about married stable higher rate tax payers like me and mine who started at the bottom, YTS, Mrs bough waitress, tell all you moaning beggars there is no more help, all benefits are stopped immediately and you take full responsibility for your choice in men, your choice in employment and pay for your own kids, food and entertainment

You must be very pleased with yourself. Meanwhile many of us also HRT paying single parents do not feel the need to put other people down in order to make ourselves feel better, so whilst you are doing that I know I shall be taking better care of my stomach and avoiding the future risk of a long term script for omeprazole that all this blustering amd indignation causes

I'm not putting anyone down, I'm very much from the "Teach a man to fish school of thought".
If a course of action/life style choice is proven to have a negative effect, why continue to do it or defend it. It's not rocket science is it..

frank how about you have a word with yourself about your disgusting attitude? I'm not a high rate tax payer at the moment, but dd and I very occasionally use the nhs. That's it. Hope that passes muster with you. A lot fucking less than most married couples do and even many higher rate tax payers do.
Oh and with you starting at the bottom, who paid for your education to get you where you are? Oh yeah, that would be the past generations of my family.
Don't make the mistake of thinking you're impressing the peasants with your wage bracket because of your own narrow view. You aren't.
Proves my point, it's the social climbers that are worried they don't fit in that spew the most hatred. Because they know on a subconscious level that income and social class aren't indicative of real class. So they have to put other people down to boost their own fragile ego. And it must be really frustrating to see groups you deem beneath you be accepted by the group you aspire to be, because you've not yet realised class and respect aren't based on income and social status. Pretending to be an 1820's blue blood stereotype from Catherine Cookson doesn't convince anyone you have any class. It proves the opposite.
I think too it must piss you off to know that those you look down on cope and manage with situations on their own that you couldn't.

Lurked, FWIW I think you've every right to be angry, based on previous posts (although perhaps arguing with frank, whom I suspect not to be the listening type, is giving his ill-informed opinions too much weight and credit). I think it's sad if you feel you have to defend your use of the NHS. If you/your DD happened to have to use it more, do you feel this would invalidate what you're saying? I really hope not.

It's like debating with the wind, it's statistically proven that family breakdown and it's effects are detrimental, this is an observable and recordable fact.

You and other posters cannot think beyond your own empirical bubble and your environment influences cloud your thinking, hence the feeble character assassination attempt on me and veiled bitterness towards marriage..
What frustrates me is people who keep ignoring the cause and effect of there own behaviour and collectively as a group create an illusion of control, your own behaviour and experiences cannot effect the overall effect that family breakdown has on the overall demographic group.

You have an over perception of yourself, ego defensive position ..It's just a debate..

Hmmmmm perhaps it is the way you are wording it.

You are the one on this thread coming across as deeply unplesant

Not at all shrew, and sorry if it came across that way, I was purely using it to make a point to frank that the majority of people use things only because they need them at that time.
My opinion is anything but. I think any tax payer funded system is there to support those who need it. I'm not only grateful I'm able bodied and don't need it much, I'm proud that I can contribute, even if it's not very much, to a system that means people for the most part can access healthcare based on need, not wealth. It's right in my opinion that as a whole group, the able bodied and healthy pay in more to the nhs than they take out, because that provides the resources to help more vulnerable people (in terms of health/ disability).
Same for welfare benefits etc. Its how a good society should work.
As for pride in general, if you or anyone else is living on welfare, with high use of the nhs, extra educational costs in addition to normal for your kids, using non charitable tax payer funded support groups etc etc. Then the chances are you have a damn sight more reason than me to feel proud of yourself, and no fucker has the right to look down on you.

Frank does make some valid points. I do think it is better for the dc if you are in a stable relationship and have some career prospects, also the men get let off the hook too easily as legally they are not obligated financially in the same way as if they were married.

half of all children will live in a single parent household, current figures suggest this is seriously hampering our society/economy, if it's costing us more than the defence budget now

Single parents are costing more than the defence budget?

How? Links?

still no links re these statistical, observable, provable "facts" from F!

Frank does all this awful negativity and cost apply to Widows and Widowers or only single parents who are single due to cheating exes, abuse and generally falling out of love

I would also love to know how my ex husband having an affair and leaving me and our children is my 'lifestyle choice'

The problem is that the whole group is being slowly but surely overwhelmed by the growing number of people in need and this growing number have multiple issues..
Two paths.
Path A has poverty, drug, alcohol, sexual , physical abuse, ill health and early death, just to name a few.

Path B has greatly reduced chances of any of the above, it's a bit boring, go to work, save your pennies all this interspersed with a bit of fun.
People are choosing behaviours that lead directly to path A, and then expecting everyone else to pick up the tab..

"Sorry kids me and ya dad don't love each other anymore so we are just gonna take a walk down path A, cos we just wanna be happi"..

Lots of links from the ONS, CSJ, CONDEM reports..

Frank what do you think of men single parents?

Fucking hell frank turn off jeremy kyle and visit the real world. You clearly havent a clue what or who you are talking about.

Frank although I realise you don't answer questions ...

I am a single parent - I do not live in poverty, take drugs, drink excessively, I don't abuse my children, I am in good health

I go to work, I save my pennies to pay for fun

why do you think it's either or and why do you think Single parents fit into A when studies show most lone parents WORK