to ask why society hates single mums?

[maxxytoe]

Just why?
I very rarely see the press mention anything about single mums in a good way , it's always vilifying them for being single , on benefits etc
Even on facebook people I know (who have been raised by single mums may I add ) do status' saying something along the lines of 'the single mums will be out spending the child benefit in town tonight'

There's a guy at my work who got custody of his children and people cant praise him enough and say how he's doing a great job etc
But yet my colleague who is a single mum doesn't get the same ?

What is societies problem with single mums?!

because she is a glorified prostitute and has sex with her husband for money..:)

Good God. I despair at the attitudes of some people, I really do. So, we're not "real" single mothers unless we've got 10 kids by 10 different fathers? Should have been clearer, I feel so much better now

Society doesn't hate single mums. (You have just done exactly the same thing by lumping all of 'Society' into a group in a negative way by the way, just as you say 'Society' hates the total 'single mums' group!).

But SOME members of society are influenced by the statistics and/or negative media coverage caused by SOME single mums and fail to realise that there are many very good single mums doing a great job.

Bit late to this discussion. But my tuppence-worth is that the mainstream media (with all its links to very powerful people) encourages us to bicker amongst ourselves, bang on about recipients of state money, etc., as a distraction from much, much larger issues. The amount of state money siphoned off by the super-rich/banking system is orders of magnitude greater. But as long as we lesser mortals continue to bicker amongst ourselves, nothing needs change.

Caroline,you are a very unpleasant person.

I chose to be a single parent in that I couldn't endure life with a controlling critical man any longer. My choice to leave, but his to be so unpleasant, same as it is your choice to be so unpleasant.

Oh right, so because I got divorced, even though the twat isn't involved in any way shape or form, and hasn't even seen her since she was a newborn over a decade ago, I'm not a single parent. Ok then.
I take it logic isn't a strong point for you caroline. What is it that really bothers you? The fact most of us single mums show you up?

yeh really lurked like anyone gives a shit how you got there, you are just there and that is quite enough.

and Shrewdriver speaks truth

Bit of a myth about the super rich, I'm afraid, the top 3000 pay more tax than the bottom 9 million.. The average single parent household is claiming twice as much in benefits as average two parent household..

The breakdown of the two parent stable marriage/family has created a dysfunctional economic/social infrastructure of which there is an answer but negative life experiences have lead to excessive egocentric solipsistic stance on these matters which means the status quo will remain.
www.centreforsocialjustice.org.uk/UserStorage/pdf/Pdf%20Exec%20summaries/CSJ_Fractured_Families_Executive_Summary.pdf

And frank your point is?
Should people perhaps stay in abusive marriages like back in the good old days? Or maybe we could have some magdalene institutes, and abortions that the mother didn't actually want, like in the good old days. Maybe single parents or those with husbands that can't/ won't support their kids could take up moonlighting like in the good old days. And while we're at it lets make sure people all marry at 18, regardless of personal doubts and perhaps an unhappy life. And while we're at it lets bring back the good old mental asylum for sn and disability, stop those scrounging single parents who are using 24hr caring responsibilities as an excuse not to work.
I mean fuck it, what's 25% of the populations well being compared to some deluded theory on societies breakdown. We'd even save the cost of fertility treatment on the nhs for all the naice married people if we had available babies from the forced adoptions like the good old days.

It's complete bollocks to try and blame societies issues on single parents, just because they are seen as a vulnerable group, and prejudice in its most ridiculous form.

Nope, not a myth, Frank. The banking system, and subsidies for super-rich land owners, creams off an enormous amount of wealth. Way, way more than all of the "benefit scroungers" put together.

The people who will lose most in the forthcoming tax credit cuts are working lone parents. However two parent families will also lose. Therefore we can expect a carefully constructed media/political narrative about 'feckless single mums scrounging off all the taxpayer' to justify the changes, together with the veiled threat in the plan to 'make adoption easier'. Mothers who raise great kids, hold down a responsible job, and have the confidence to dump useless/ abusive partners are a threat to the 'pro-marriage' narrative (and the public schoolboy worldview) so must also be undermined, probably by cuts in support for childcare....oh look.

Yy missy. The welfare system has been ideally implemented to stigmatise single parents. The single parent of a young child that doesn't work gets income support. The mother that doesn't work, with a low income partner, despite the fact it's easier in a couple for the mother to work, gets the nicely titled 'working tax credits'. The single mum who loses her job or returns to work when school makes that possible, gets job seekers allowance and all the ritual humiliation that goes with it. The woman with a partner who doesn't earn any where near enough to support her and stays at home past school age still gets to just fill in a form once a year for the nicely titled working tax credits.
This country has a shit load of tax supported systems in place, education and the nhs being the big obvious ones that the vast majority use. Some more than others. And nobody bangs on about the feckless married couple putting 3 kids through state education, or all the feckless people who must have actively chosen ill health costing us a fortune. We accept that with every other tax payer funded system, there are a minority of dickheads who are taking the piss or ended up costing society through stupid decisions. Yet when it comes to single mums, we're all judged by the worst stereotype.
If I had a pound for every time I heard 'oh not single mums like you. you're different. I meant most single mums, you know the ones that x,y,z'. Because they are too stupid to realise I'm actually more representative of the average single mum, than whichever jezza scum they saw that morning.

The average single parent household is claiming twice as much in benefits as average two parent household.

It doesnt take a genius to work out why!

The majority of single mums are single by choice, wanted a kid but were not committed enough to get married, so it's their problem, why should I pay for them, and why should I shed a tear for them. My tax should be used for widows and people whose struggles are not self-inflicted

Actually statistics show that the majority of single mothers were once married. So that kind of pisses on that, doesn't it? Or are you suggesting we should endure being beaten 'for the sake of the children'? Or put up with being cheated on 'for the sake of the children'? Or beg our wayward husbands to come home 'for the sake of the children'?

And also statistically, the majority of single mothers work.

As a single mother who pays tax, I am more than happy for my money to be spent on supporting other single mothers. I am extremely grateful to live in a country where women receive financial support to remove themselves and their children from abusive relationship. That is something to celebrate.

Now, run along and take your hate and bitterness with you and leave the thread for people who are able to discuss and debate sensibly, even if they are not necessarily able to agree.

The average single parent household is claiming twice as much in benefits as average two parent household....

So....now single parents should make sure that they are earning more than a couple or....what? have their children removed from them? what exactly is it you want single parents to do about the fact they are, you know, single, and only have one opportunity to bring in a wage...by contrast, a couple consists of 2 people which means double the opportunity to bring in a wage....it's really not fucking rocket science, is it?!

If I had a pound for every time I heard 'oh not single mums like you. you're different. I meant most single mums, you know the ones that x,y,z'

Oh hell, had that conversations so many times...I have no idea how people look at themselves in the mirror sometimes...

The issue is, it's not affordable in the long term to continue supporting this social shift away from the two parent family structure and all the associated economic and social inequalities that happen due to the breakdown of the nuclear family.
These reports are based upon objective statistical data and are provably true, unlike personal bias and storification of the posts above..

so again, frank given that statistics show the majority of single parents were once married (and had their children within marriage), and that with the best will in the world, relationships break down, what is it you want those single parents to do? Could I have somehow stopped my ex husband having an affair and walking out? Or are you suggesting I take responsibility of him having an affair and walking out?

'storification'....yes, the women who have posted here as single parents, are just making it all up, eh? You have no clue. No clue.

My brother and I were brought up by our mom after divorce. They seperated in the very early eighties.
My mom did a bloody good job of bringing us up alone. Yes, we saw our dad at weekends, and as many have already said when you are a child you think of this as 'fun daddy' but my mom was absolutely dedicated to us.
I have such a huge respect for single parents.
I remember vividly being at the 'social' with my mom and her being distraught at the way she was being treated by the stuck up woman behind the counter. Remember mom saying to her "but I'm divorced , you could be me one day, don't look down your nose like I am some dirt on your shoe" An awful memory to have...I was only very little remember the humiliation mixed with anger on my moms face.
Anyway - big up to the single parents - I am immense respect for you all .

it's not affordable in the long term to continue supporting this social shift away from the two parent family structure and all the associated economic and social inequalities that happen due to the breakdown of the nuclear family.

This is because society has been set up for two parent families. However, even two parent familes are unable to be self supporting now the cost of living is so high. What needs to happen is the costs of just surviving need to drop. Also, those responsible for creating the children need to be legally financially responsible for them, the ones not living with them i mean. Benefits for single parents wouldnt be an issue if NRPs were actually meeting half the costs associated with their DC. Childcare being a huge part of that. So huge i'll type it again, big CHILDCARE.

It is no longer possible for a family of 6 to be supported on one wage. Society has changed, the cost of everything has soared when wages havent. It is not down to relationship breakdown that people are needing benefits to live on.

I have come across negative attitudes towards single mums from a couple of older married friends.

No ideas why. Almost like they think they are too smart to end up a single mum.

I know I'm only ever an unfortunate accident/ illness/ surprise infidelity/ abuse or any infinite number if things that may happen away from being a single mum myself.

I don't get why there is still a stigma.

Here's another couple of reports.
www.centreforsocialjustice.org.uk/UserStorage/pdf/Pdf%20reports/causes_of_crime.pdf
www.cpc.ac.uk/publications/cpc_working_papers/pdf/2014_WP48_The_changing_demography_of_lone_parenthood_Berrington.pdf

There is a clear link between the changing demographic of the UK family structure and the prospective out comes for a large section of our society..
It's a crying shame.

where are the links to 'the reports based on statistical facts and provably true'???Bet we don't get them !