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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To leave my dcs to get themselves to school?

171 replies

Carlywurly · 05/09/2015 12:29

They're year 4 and year 6. School is a safe 3-4 min walk from home.
I need to leave by 7.55 to get to work on time, they'd need to leave at 8.25 to get to school for 8.30 with lessons starting at 845.

We have a Yale lock - they wouldn't need to lock up. I would plan on putting coats and bags by the door and setting an alarm for them to remind them when to leave.

I feel they're fine watching TV for 30 mins and letting themselves out but a friend's reaction suggested she thought I was mad. We have lots of friendly neighbours very close by.

This is therefore, a genuine Aibu - happy to be told if I'm being daft even thinking this.

OP posts:

NewLife4Me · 05/09/2015 17:19

I wouldn't do it as a lot can happen in 30 mins, it would be breakfast club for us.

vestandknickers · 05/09/2015 17:23

I wouldn't. My children are roughly the same age and fairly responsible, but I don't think it is fair to leave them to get themselves off to school and make sure the house is left secure, with everything turned off etc. I think you need to use the breakfast club of shift your start time.

OhYouBadBadKitten · 05/09/2015 17:28

I think it is fine for the Year 6, in a years time they may well be taking themselves much further afield to secondary school and it is better to gain that responsibility slowly. Year 4 I am slightly hesitant about, they tend to grow up hugely in those two years.
In saying that, by year 5 I was getting me and my sister up, making breakfast and heading out of the door with no sign of a parent.

Mintyy · 05/09/2015 17:33

"It's not the leaving them alone for half an hour that is the issue. The issue is whether it is reasonable to expect an eight year old to get themselves ready and out for school on time."

No, that is not the issue Marynary. Can you not read?

Op says "I'd get them up, give them breakfast, make sure teeth were brushed and bags laid out by the door. The alarm would be to remind them to leave, not get up."

junebirthdaygirl · 05/09/2015 17:41

I would spend every day worrying had they got there. Not actually seeing them in the gate safely would play on my mind all day. 99 percent of the time they would be fine but one thing going wrong would really knock them. Can you not just pay a friendly neighbour a small amount to walk with them every morning just so you have peace of mind.

HeteronormativeHaybales · 05/09/2015 17:53

I don't see the walk as a problem, but I would not be comfortable with leaving my two (we are not in the UK but they are similar ages) to get out for school by themselves, even if I had given them breakfast etc. I do leave my two alone for half an hour occasionally but I would not like to do it on a regular basis, and I think it is placing too much responsibility for timekeeping/getting out of the house on them.

OurBlanche · 05/09/2015 17:54

June, what age will yours be allowed to get themselves to school alone?

10? 18?

NoMoreRenting · 05/09/2015 18:07

I was getting myself out and catching a bus to school on my own then 5min walk the other side at 8yrs old. Lots of kids were.

PingpongDingDong · 05/09/2015 18:10

I think it's a bit soon for the year 4 but I don't think it's outrageous to consider it as long as they are sensible, have strict rules and are ready to leave when you go. There is no way I'd leave them in bed or anything like that. I certainly wouldn't want even consider it for a year 4 child in their own.

Would you be able to call then from work to see if they have left on time? Would it be every day?

PingpongDingDong · 05/09/2015 18:13

I should add my dd did this once or twice a week once she was end of year 5 and year 6. I did feel a bit strange about it but she is very sensible.

tiggytape · 05/09/2015 18:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Marynary · 05/09/2015 18:20

No, that is not the issue Marynary. Can you not read?

Op says "I'd get them up, give them breakfast, make sure teeth were brushed and bags laid out by the door. The alarm would be to remind them to leave, not get up.

Yes I can read thank you . I didn't suggest that they would have to wake themselves up. Whether or not they are dressed and have had breakfast by the time the OP they would will have to put on their coats, shoes, collect their bags, turn the television etc off, secure the house and leave on time.

Marynary · 05/09/2015 18:24

I was getting myself out and catching a bus to school on my own then 5min walk the other side at 8yrs old. Lots of kids were.

Was your mother not in the house when you left? If she wasn't did you have older siblings?

weaseleyes · 05/09/2015 18:26

Depending on your kids, this seems fine to me. I started doing similar with my daughter in year five on the odd occasion when I had to get away early. She liked it much more than going to breakfast club, and I left her with a mobile so she could text me when she got to school. She'd started walking to school by herself in year 4, so it seemed the next step. She's sometimes had an hour or so at the end of the day, and we're going to do a bit more of that now she's starting year six. I don't want the transition to secondary to be too big a leap, I'd rather take small steps towards more independence. It's actually more stressful for me than insisting she's in wraparound care all the time as I do fret, but I see that as part of the job of helping her grow up.

bigbuttons · 05/09/2015 18:28

This is my situation too. Mine did this for a while last summer and they were year 3 and 4. This year they will have to do it again as their tosser dad ( from whom I am separated) can longer do school runs. Mine only live down the road from school and are on a very safe village and the only road they have to cross has a lollipop man. They are very sensible children.
They are only left for 20 mins. I am sad about it but they are very happy.
There are neighbours all around should they get into trouble and I only work up the road.

LynetteScavo · 05/09/2015 18:30

I wouldn't trust any of my DC to leave the house without me supervising. They are probably unaware that I do, but I couldn't not do it. Especially my 12yo.

TBH I would take them to before school club, and leave on the dot of 8am. If they were't open on time I'd leave the DC sitting on the steps to make a point

Mintyy · 05/09/2015 18:30

Now remind me again ... where was that guest post about over protective parenting?

LyndaNotLinda · 05/09/2015 18:32

I think it's fine if they get on well and you know they'll be sensible. :)

bigbuttons · 05/09/2015 18:33

I also when I leave them they are fully ready to leave themselves. All they have to do is go out of the door. We have a Yale, so no Chubb lock to worry about nor is there an alarm.
They do really like the independence and we are lucky that we live in an area where it is safe enough.
I just feel a bit sad that i can not be there to wave them off.

MuddlingMackem · 05/09/2015 18:33

I wouldn't want to put that kind of responsibility for locking up on kids that age. However, if they are sensible enough to be left they are likely sensible enough to leave the house with you and wait by themselves at school until breakfast club opens, which I think would be my course of action in your shoes.

Maybe just pop in to school and pay up breakfast club in advance for the month so they don't have to carry money.

LyndaNotLinda · 05/09/2015 18:35

I was thinking of the same thing Mintyy. Did you read the longer article in the Grauniad today?

DS was asking me about some of the hair-raising stuff I got up to when I was young the other day and lied to him about how old I was at the time. I was his age. I was out on my bicycle all day long and the poor kid isn't even allowed to spend 15 minutes at home on his own.

Something's gone very wrong somewhere

bigbuttons · 05/09/2015 18:35

Their school does not have breakfast club. Most of the parents are very monied and the mothers don't work so there isn't a call for one. The school I work in does have one. I would much rather put them in a breakfast club but they would much rather stay at home a bit longer.

bigbuttons · 05/09/2015 18:37

I was talking to my dad about this. My dad is in his late seventies and he said he and his sibs/friends used to walk over a mile to school without adults and across busy roads. He was 4 when he started walking.
I have had no negative reactions from anyone over this. Any comments have been positive ones.

Lightbulbon · 05/09/2015 18:41

I had a situation like this for a while.

We had to leave at 8am, primary school was just around the corner.

DC didn't have to leave til 8.55. Didn't want to go to breakfast club but didn't want to stay home alone either so he chose to go to the playground early every morning and played football with whoever else turned up early. Sometimes it was cold/wet but this was still his preference.

Avebury · 05/09/2015 18:45

I would be fine with it but would probably ask a friend (and give the friend a key) to knock for them on the way past so that there is an adult checking the door is properly locked and that you have the peace of mind that they have made it to school. I was a latch key kid at the other end of the day from the age of 8 and loved it.

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