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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave my dcs to get themselves to school?

171 replies

Carlywurly · 05/09/2015 12:29

They're year 4 and year 6. School is a safe 3-4 min walk from home.
I need to leave by 7.55 to get to work on time, they'd need to leave at 8.25 to get to school for 8.30 with lessons starting at 845.

We have a Yale lock - they wouldn't need to lock up. I would plan on putting coats and bags by the door and setting an alarm for them to remind them when to leave.

I feel they're fine watching TV for 30 mins and letting themselves out but a friend's reaction suggested she thought I was mad. We have lots of friendly neighbours very close by.

This is therefore, a genuine Aibu - happy to be told if I'm being daft even thinking this.

OP posts:
Florriesma · 05/09/2015 13:27

I think they are too young personally. And I speak as one who was landed with my own little version of a krypton factor run to get to work on time complete with a crank boss. I would look into altering hours or childminder as someone else said.

OurBlanche · 05/09/2015 13:28

I know, I am old. But we got ourselves to school alone when I was about 8 and my DSis about 5. Most of my nieces and nephews did by the time they weer about 8 too.

I know latch key kids are frowned upon, though it is a reality for a vast number of kids. Even here, where rods often don't have footpaths and most roads have no lights, kids get themselves to and from school, stay home alone at the top and tail of the school day. So I can't see why 8+ isn't old enough to wait for 30 minutes then join some friends to walk to school.

And yes, I do expect to be spit roasted for that opinion, but I can't help but think that this is another of those 'only on MN' problems. Most families get to this at about the same age.

Nanny0gg · 05/09/2015 13:28

Actually, shifting my start time 15 mins may be the answer..

Hope so.

I think it's a miserable thing to leave children of 10 and 8 to get on with things like that on their own.

NatalieMc82 · 05/09/2015 13:29

I think it depends on your children OP.. You know them best. In my personal opinion I would be comfortable doing this on the odd occasion but not every day. But ultimately whatever works out for you and your dcs. Also thinking that although this might seem unusual now, historically it would have been the norm. x

Marynary · 05/09/2015 14:31

And yes, I do expect to be spit roasted for that opinion, but I can't help but think that this is another of those 'only on MN' problems. Most families get to this at about the same age.

Really? Do you really think that the majority of 8 years old are left alone to get themselves out of the house and to school on time? Even at 10 years, although it's normal for children to walk to school by themselves they aren't expected to get themselves out of the house on time with no adult present.

Marynary · 05/09/2015 14:34

Also thinking that although this might seem unusual now, historically it would have been the norm.

I disagree. In the past, although children walked to school by themselves an adult (usually their mother) would make sure they got out of the house on time.

OurBlanche · 05/09/2015 14:36

I didn't say the majority do this. I said that most families hit this dilemma when the kids get to that age.

But I would suspect that many families do this. It is certainly not all that unusual in my experience.

ChristineDePisan · 05/09/2015 14:38

I know this isn't helpful now, but I would have tried it a few times over the holidays / at weekends to see if they could do it without bickering, forgetting something etc etc.

FWIW I would do this if only my two didn't argue so much...

OurBlanche · 05/09/2015 14:38

As for historically, I am 50 and my mum was not there when I went to school nor when I got back.

CookieMonsterIsOnADiet · 05/09/2015 14:43

Use the breakfast club, is it really worth the risk for the sake of money?

8 is too young to be left without an adult, 10 is too really. What if they decide not to go to school, let somebody in or throw up ten minutes after you've left etc?

steppemum · 05/09/2015 14:43

well at our school they are supposed to be dropped off and collected by adult until year 4.
Mine are year 3 and 6 and we live round the corner from school with no roads.
I would be hesitant to do what you are suggesting. I have no problem kicking them out to walk to school alone, and no problem them walking home with me at home to meet them.
For year 6 I would be fine if she got home 15-20 minutes before me too.

But leaving them to get out of the door in the morning doesn't sit right with me, sorry.

Original poster
Carlywurly · 05/09/2015 14:44

I did it at 8. Both ends of the day, I was the oldest and loved the independence. I'm still v independent now. This may be colouring my judgement admittedly.

I only work 3 days but think the best solution to trial this might be organising someone to knock for them. They'd be fully dressed, breakfasted and with all their kit ready and packed by me so they're not waking up to an empty house by any means. Literally all they need to do is turn TV off, put shoes and coat on, grab bag each and close the door behind them.

Thank you all for your opinions, this isn't a dilemma I've ever had before as we've never lived this close to their school!

OP posts:
MaddyinaPaddy · 05/09/2015 14:45

I think as long as they are ready before you go, then it is fine.Do them good

OublietteBravo · 05/09/2015 14:46

I think it would be OK.

I leave my DC (currently Y7 & Y5) alone for 20 min each morning. I leave at 07:50 and they leave at 08:10. I started doing so earlier this year (they were 9 and 10 at the time). I've never had a problem. We live close to their school (5 min walk - lollipop lady to get them across the only road between here and the school). They know that they can knock on out neighbours door if there is a problem.

Aeroflotgirl · 05/09/2015 14:49

Yabvu, I initially thought they were teenagers and yes fine they should take responsibility, but they are 8, 10, which is too young for that level of responsibility. How could you know if they decided to skive that day, until you get a call from teachers saying they missed a week of school.

Original poster
Carlywurly · 05/09/2015 14:50

It's not the money with breakfast club. It's the unreliability of it opening by 8am. (Yes I have complained, as have other parents)

If I don't get away by 8 I'm late to work. Leaving just 5 mins earlier makes a huge difference with my commute and also means I can get away at 430 so the dcs aren't stuck in after school club any later than necessary.

That's the issue rather than money.

OP posts:
whatstheplanphil · 05/09/2015 14:59

i think that would be fine, as long as they has a designated neighbour to go to if there are any problems and the kids are confident themselves in doing it then I don't see a problem.

Shiningdew · 05/09/2015 15:08

Personally I would. It sounds perfectly safe to me.

meadowquark · 05/09/2015 15:23

Depends how your children are but I would give it a try. Good to hear it is only 3 days rather than 5. You could also try to walk out with them out of the door so they walk themselves to breakfast club

Toastedteacakewithbutter · 05/09/2015 15:25

Would you leave the 8 year old alone in the house for that amount of time without the older one? If not then effectively you are letting the 10 year old babysit, and I am not sure of the legalities of it but I thought children were not supposed to be able to care for another child until they are 14. I personally would not do it as its a lot of responsibility for them, if one felt ill, was sick, fell down the stairs etc.

Shiningdew · 05/09/2015 15:25

Aren't they having breakfast at home?

Farandole · 05/09/2015 15:26

YANBU. Seems perfectly fine to me.

Lilaclily · 05/09/2015 15:29

I wouldn't
How would you know they'd bothered to go to school?
It's not the neighbours responsibility it's yours

Marynary · 05/09/2015 15:30

But I would suspect that many families do this. It is certainly not all that unusual in my experience.

In my experience it would be very unusual for an eight year to be expected to get themselves ready and go to school on time without an adult present in the house.
If you are 50 you are about the same age as me. Not many of my friends mothers even worked in the 60s and 70s and while my mother did she certainly wouldn't have left the house before me and expected me to get myself ready and to school on time when I was only eight..

NatalieMc82 · 05/09/2015 15:32

aren't they having breakfast at home?
Generally breakfast club is just another name for wraparound childcare before school, not meaning they are necessarily being given breakfast there.
historically this would have been the norm
Sorry this was anecdotal after a recent conversations with some ladies I know in their sixties about their childhoods.
toastedteacake the law is actually very vague on the issue (might actually be more helpful for parent if it was clearer).