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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To leave my dcs to get themselves to school?

171 replies

Carlywurly · 05/09/2015 12:29

They're year 4 and year 6. School is a safe 3-4 min walk from home.
I need to leave by 7.55 to get to work on time, they'd need to leave at 8.25 to get to school for 8.30 with lessons starting at 845.

We have a Yale lock - they wouldn't need to lock up. I would plan on putting coats and bags by the door and setting an alarm for them to remind them when to leave.

I feel they're fine watching TV for 30 mins and letting themselves out but a friend's reaction suggested she thought I was mad. We have lots of friendly neighbours very close by.

This is therefore, a genuine Aibu - happy to be told if I'm being daft even thinking this.

OP posts:

Marynary · 05/09/2015 15:33

I did it at 8. Both ends of the day, I was the oldest and loved the independence. I'm still v independent now. This may be colouring my judgement admittedly.

I you were the eldest what were your younger siblings doing while you were in the house by yourself getting ready to go to school?

Nanny0gg · 05/09/2015 15:33

What do you do in the holidays?

Lilaclily · 05/09/2015 15:33

It's secondarty school kids round here that get themselves up and to school
Eight year olds tend not to have phones to text if they've arrived safely
And what will you do next year when the year 6 child has left the school & they won't leave the house at the same time

Mintyy · 05/09/2015 15:34

I think it's fine. Op is talking about leaving them alone in the house for half an hour in the morning, nothing more drastic than that!

Without wishing to get too "eeeee you were lucky" about it, I had a 25 minute walk to and from school which I was allowed to do with one friend when I was in years 5 and 6.

Minicaters · 05/09/2015 15:35

I think 8 is too little these days. If you do it, give each of them a key and make sure the younger one can work itin the lock, in case they need to go back for forgotten things.

maybebabybee · 05/09/2015 15:35

I don't think YABU. Sounds like the set up I had with my siblings!

Marynary · 05/09/2015 15:37

Carlywurly rather than getting someone to knock for them, why not just drop them at someones house (preferably a friend who is also going to school)? That's what my children's friends have done in the past if their parents need to leave early.

Marynary · 05/09/2015 15:40

I think it's fine. Op is talking about leaving them alone in the house for half an hour in the morning, nothing more drastic than that!

It's not the leaving them alone for half an hour that is the issue. The issue is whether it is reasonable to expect an eight year old to get themselves ready and out for school on time.

Goshthatsspicy · 05/09/2015 15:45

op said she will get them ready.
They only need to remove themselves from the sofa, and in to school.

However, I wouldn't do it.

Plus it will only be till next year when the year six moves up right?

RB68 · 05/09/2015 15:46

I think it totally depends on the children - but if there are neighbours who are a door knock away and are happy to keep an eye out to see they leave on time etc then go for it. YOU know your children best. There is no earthly reason why 8 and 10 yr olds cant be responsible for getting dressed and breakfasting. Lets face it you can easily make sure they are dressed and eating breakfast before leaving the house anyway and as you say 20 mins of tv or whatever and alarm to remind them when to leave the house. If we were closer I would trust my year 10 to walk by herself if it were 5 mins - we are more like 45 mins and its not the walking the length of the elbow issue more the crap country road drivers.

PurpleHairAndPearls · 05/09/2015 15:46

Is wouldn't have a problem with a couple of my DCs walking to school in year 6. One of my DCs I certainly would as they weren't mature enough. So this depends on the nature of the Yr 6 child, it wouldn't be unreasonable if they are mature, responsible and sensible enough.

A year 4 child generally wouldn't be mature enough to leave unaccompanied to get themselves to school, IMHO. Therefore you are effectively making the YR 10 child responsible for them - not a responsibility I would be comfortable putting onto my DC.

Every primary school we have attended, the DC up to year 6 have had to be escorted for pick up or drop off by an adult, or in certain cases, an older high school aged sib so I would be surprised if the school is happy with this either.

Any local childminders or responsible older DC who would like this as a babysitting job? My older teenagers would love it and are responsible enough.

I wouldn't leave them to it on their own. Not fair on the older DC.

Lilaclily · 05/09/2015 15:48

It's a huge responsibility for a neighbour though
It's what you pay for childcare : making sure you're children get to school

Lilaclily · 05/09/2015 15:51

neighbours who are a door knock away and are happy to keep an eye out to see they leave on time etc
What about when they go out , doctors appointments etc are on holiday , are ill

Shiningdew · 05/09/2015 15:53

I have an eight year old - breakfast clubs do feed the children in my experience :)

Wewereneverbeingboring · 05/09/2015 15:58

My brother and I got ourselves to school from when we we 7 and 8 yo, 25 min walk away with a busy road to navigate. No one batted an eyelid but I appreciate it might raise a few eyebrows now.

3-4 mins for an 8 & 10 yo? Don't see why not.

duckyneedsaclean · 05/09/2015 16:00

Most year 6 kids in my school have a mobile tbh. You could just get a cheap one for the older child to use if there's an emergency?

As long as they're ready, will actually leave the house, and fairly sensible I don't see an issue.

Birdfromblighty · 05/09/2015 16:00

I really don't think think this is a good idea. Walking to school together if someone was at home is one thing. Even if you trust them both, if something happened, an accident, being taken ill, that is a lot of responsibility for a ten year old. And if anyone knows they are on their own in the house every morning...... It doesn't bare thinking about.

sunseeker67 · 05/09/2015 16:01

I think if you think your children are mature enough to do it then I would do a trial run and see how it goes. My 8 year old would be far to immature for this kind of thing, and I still don't let her go out with my teen alone, but that is my dd.

They also have to-be accompanied at our school until year 6.

Fourarmsv2 · 05/09/2015 16:03

I'd have to give them mobiles to contact me. They'd be able to work a £10 PAYG.

Maybe a key in a lockable safe by front door to get back in? Key on bungee so they can unlock door but can't lose it?

I would consider it. My DS2 (9 / Y5) won't even walk to school (no roads to cross, many other people around, 3 minute walk (we border school field).

flossyfloo · 05/09/2015 16:10

How about they leave the same time as you to walk themselves to breakfast club?

Goshthatsspicy · 05/09/2015 16:16

Is there another parent you could ask, maybe a neighbour going at the same time?

Just saw flossy's post.

That looks like a great idea.

CheesecakeDreams · 05/09/2015 16:58

I am slightly shocked by this thread. I have yr 4 and yr5 dc. I would not let them do this. In fact the yr 5 is home ed and he still has to come on the school run with me for the other two. When we sent the yr 4 in last yr on his own (so yr3) because the older one was school refusing the school expressed concern that we would do that. And we can see the school yard from our house!

Marynary · 05/09/2015 17:07

I suspect that the school would be very concerned if they found out that your eight year old is expected to leave an empty house every day and get themselves to school on time.

Caroline36 · 05/09/2015 17:07

To me this screams lazy parenting! A year six child would, at a push be capable of being left on their own but in no way should he/she be left in charge of an 8/9 year old. They're your children, you chose to have them and you also chose to work in your curent position so you should be the one to organise appropriate childcare ie childminder or breakfast club.

Helpmeoutofthemaze · 05/09/2015 17:12

I'd say no.

My friend has boys both 1 yr older. She would never ever have let the Y4 go alone. She sometimes let the Y6 go alone but it wasn't every day.

Do your boys not ever disagree or fight? I would not be comfortable with it at all.

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