To feel as if I hate having the son that was given to me

[ladybug201]

Unsure how to phrase that. Obviously don't hate DS.

He is an adult, with autism/ASD. Never had a "proper" job. Lots of studying, lots of short term jobs. Came round asking for money. As nice as could be - always is, DS isn't horrible.

But he's not interested in anything that doesn't affect him. Doesn't ask after me. His sister started a new job today - she says the same, doesn't ask after her, just drones on about his own life and to be honest it's nothing we've not heard a thousand times before. How many times can you say oh, that's nice, great, fantastic.

I don't know. I wish I had a son who didn't have this condition.

That is good news, glad to hear it.

Am emerging from my lurking to send and say that I'm very happy to hear your news.

I am happy to hear that

Very happy to hear that ladybug :)

Lady, that's wonderful news. Delighted for both of you.

Some progress

Voice of trouble again.

Can you see if you have any local independent advocacy service. I suspect what he needs is a significant amount more support than he is currently getting. JSA is great but he is going to be under a tremendous amount of stress to find work and quickly. That might not be the best most sustainable course of action for him.

Job centre interviews can be tough is there anyone who can advocate for him while he is there

I agree toffeelatteplease
Do the job centre know he has asd? He should see a specialist advisor i think? And beware of sanctions - all too easy for them to sanction the most vulnerable. Has he ever applied for esa?

I'd say he also has to be eligible for PIP. It may be a hard process to go through but definitely worth it for the financial help it will bring, and the access to support services IF your ds would ever like to access them. He'd also be entitled to help/support/advice from specialist disabled teams workers. You can fill the PIP form in for him on his behalf (me and my dm did this for my db). His award would help with the financial side massively.

Did he used to get dla? It's called pip now as pp said, he should be eligible x

As I understand it he see himself as normal and so not eligible or interested in support.

I do hope he can find a job.

I'm physically disabled, and acknowledge how hard is must be for my mum - always having to do everything for me, having to pick everywhere we go based on my needs, not being able to pop out somewhere, not being able to travel, having to build in sleep times whatever we do, ruining anything nice planned by not being well enough, etc.

I don't think it's an insult to me to acknowledge these difficulties, and how sometimes she probably wishes we could pop into a shop without struggling with my wheelchair for ages, etc (or whatever!) I don't think it's insulting to people with Autism to acknowledge their parents/carers must struggle too sometimes.

OP - I'm so glad some of the financial difficulty has been lifted, I'm so sorry you're feeling so unsupported. It must be really fucking hard.

lady that is excellent news. I am so pleased.

I am also delighted you came back. Great to "see" you

Quite, Scooby.

He would possibly be eligible for DLA/PIP if he was entirely truthful and honest at the interview (if we even got to that stage!) but he would not be.

I don't think he will get sanctioned, as he is, very genuinely, looking for work. I suspect and hope he may get some soon.

That comment about measuring by neurotypical standards and always falling short really hit home with me. Society does this and conformity is so prized, no wonder people can't recognise they need additional support. And even if they do society often falls short in understanding and providing it.

I hope he finds work and contentment.

And I hope it gets easier for you too. It's a lot to have on your plate longterm.

I sometimes wish my life was different, but it's mainly because I wish his was

Yes.

DS has found some work, although it's sporadic and poorly paid but he is surprisingly frugal in many ways. However, for a long period of six months he quite literally had no money at all.