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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel as if I hate having the son that was given to me

369 replies

ladybug201 · 04/09/2015 17:28

Unsure how to phrase that. Obviously don't hate DS.

He is an adult, with autism/ASD. Never had a "proper" job. Lots of studying, lots of short term jobs. Came round asking for money. As nice as could be - always is, DS isn't horrible.

But he's not interested in anything that doesn't affect him. Doesn't ask after me. His sister started a new job today - she says the same, doesn't ask after her, just drones on about his own life and to be honest it's nothing we've not heard a thousand times before. How many times can you say oh, that's nice, great, fantastic.

I don't know. I wish I had a son who didn't have this condition.

OP posts:

Badders123 · 06/09/2015 20:49

The op must wanted a safe place to vent.
And you are quoting Facebook memes?
Ffs.

TenQuidProQuo · 06/09/2015 20:57

Toffee Your posts come across as though you are criticising the OP. I imagine you are trying to be helpful but that's not how it comes across.

mummypig3 · 06/09/2015 21:00

for you ladybug. Sending you strength from another in similar position but my ds is much younger and I worry for the future. You are not alone

MySordidCakeSecret · 06/09/2015 21:00

my dad has Aspergers, i know how you feel op it is hard but you just have to remind yourself that they DO care about you very much

Nydj · 06/09/2015 21:12

OP, I hope you can continue to use this thread to vent. Your honesty has been, for want of a different word, refreshing. It would be very sad indeed if you decided to de-register - but I totally understand why you may feel the need to do so.

Whatever you decide to do, thank you for your honesty on this thread.

thedevilinside · 06/09/2015 21:22

I don't think this thread is 'brave and moving' It has made me feel sick to my stomach, I have ASD

NotSoDesperateHousewife · 06/09/2015 21:23

Then you have absolutely no idea where the thread is coming from, devil, and should leave it. Having ASD isn't the same as living with someone who does.

thedevilinside · 06/09/2015 21:29

You know nothing about me. I have a son with ASD

NotSoDesperateHousewife · 06/09/2015 21:33

Well you know nothing about the OP, so unless you can offer support, why would you kick someone when they're down?

Playnicelyforfiveminutes · 06/09/2015 21:37

you know nothing about me

Neither does OP, and what she has written has nothing to do with you at all

thedevilinside · 06/09/2015 21:41

I am entitled to point out that as an autistic person I find this thread offensive.

wannabestressfree · 06/09/2015 21:41

Its not compulsory to be here..... Leave the thread then

thedevilinside · 06/09/2015 21:43

Yes am leaving and have reported

NotSoDesperateHousewife · 06/09/2015 21:46

Reported what? The thread isn't and wasn't about you.

cuntycowfacemonkey · 06/09/2015 21:49

Come on guys it doesn't take a massive stretch of the imagination to understand why someone with ASD would find this thread hard to read. Doesn't make the OP a bad person but it is possible to show support and understanding to those on both side of the fence. Let's not tear strips off another poster who has the very condition we are trying to support the OP deal with.

vicarinatutu · 06/09/2015 21:50

Op
if you ever wwant a chat i have a 23 year old with aspergers. i love him with every fibre of my being but he can be demanding.
he is currently living abroad (got a job in asia! dont.even.ask!!)

but i get where youre coming from. it all kind of goes over my head now and tbh i still worry about him so much i find it less of a problem that he doesnt ask "adult" questions about us or his sister....

i dont think of him as an adult i guess. despite his moving to china....!
anyway.
im here if you ever need a chat.

OneDay103 · 06/09/2015 22:00

Op I do hope that you come back. Don't let a few nasty posts make you leave. You've explained yourself with so much insight with each and every post, even when you had to repeat yourself.
It is obvious that you needed to vent. You're perfectly entitled to after 34years of giving your everything to your son. It's also obvious how much you love him. Hope you've read through enough of the sympathetic replies to know that many people do understand you and wish you the best
devil what exactly do you find offensive. This is the other side of the condition, the other perspective. It was a very honest account from a parent which I'm sure resonated with a lot of posters. I can't see anything wrong with that.

Playnicelyforfiveminutes · 06/09/2015 22:43

devil reporting the thread means having it removed right?
That is the same as telling OP she is wrong to feel like this and she shouldn't shut up and go away. If you've read the thread, don't you think she is lonely enough?

I'm sorry you're sad, but try reading it from her point of view, and then see how you feel ? From what I've worked out here, asd varies hugely, and you must have a much less severe/complicated form, as OPs son has never had a girlfriend and she doesn't think he ever will. He would definitely not be a good parent!

There have been other people with asd on here who can understand this thread is not about them or even about asd, it's just about OPs feelings. Please reconsider your report incase she does want to come back at all.

Samcro · 06/09/2015 22:48

omg the op has left
that is bad,

I hope they are ok

Original poster

ladybug201 · 08/09/2015 20:13

If anyone is interested, DS has managed to successfully claim JSA.

This is a huge weight lifted from my mind as financially supporting him was crippling.

OP posts:

SladeGreen · 08/09/2015 20:20

That's great news, Ladybug.

LyndaNotLinda · 08/09/2015 20:24

That's great ladybug :)

TenQuidProQuo · 08/09/2015 20:32

We are interested

That's great news.

OneDay103 · 08/09/2015 20:34

Oh great news op! Im glad that at least something is going right. Hope you feel better

Original poster

ladybug201 · 08/09/2015 20:36

It is s huge, huge relief and gives space to possibly deal with some other issues.

OP posts:

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