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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Wibu? Dragging my son across the room?

317 replies

FuryFowler · 01/09/2015 19:48

My son is 6 and was being a pain at bedtime this evening. I asked him repeatedly to come to bed. I just kept getting an outright no from him as he lay on the sofa. I asked and asked nicely, then I told him, then I shouted at him. Still saying no and basically being rude. I threatened him with dragging him off the sofa to his room, he still refused. So with 2yr old in arms I pulled him off the sofa by his arm and dragged him halfway across the room. I wasn't rough and was going to stop by the doorway in the hope that he would get the message and get up and walk.
I was stopped by my husband who yelled in my face scaring my 2yr old, shouting that "if I ever see you do anything like that again I'll slap you across this room!" He then took both crying kids off me, took them in to the bedroom and closed the door.
I was shocked. I'm now sitting in the car outside not wanting to go back in.
Not sure what to do now? Wibu?..... Tag, I've never dragged him before, he's never been so resistant before and my dh has never yelled like that before

OP posts:

Original poster

FuryFowler · 01/09/2015 23:05

We did inimitable thank you
We've had a good talk, and both know we handled things wrong. My dh talked to my ds and apologised and lay with them until they both slept. I'll say sorry to my ds in the morn x

OP posts:

Verypissedoffwife · 01/09/2015 23:13

Don't beat yourself up. We all try our best as parents but all make mistakes. I know I do!

Yes it could have been handled better all round but hindsight a wonderful thing!

I made my 7 year old daughter cry tonight if it makes you feel any better. I was trying to get the school stuff ready - labelled/ironed/put away/ pe bags sorted etc. My daughter was trying to help, but really wasn't as she was rummaging in drawers, faffing with the bits I'd already labelled and muddling things up. I snapped at her and said she was making my job 10 times harder and told her to leave me alone to get on with it. She was gutted and cried.

I calmed down, apologised and explained I was in the wrong but just got stressed as I'd left it all to the last minute as not had time before. Big hug.

We're not machines x

MaddyinaPaddy · 01/09/2015 23:15

Pulled elbow is really really Common (I am.hypermobile and have done it to myself numerous times) I doubt any doctor would suspect abuse!!
BeaufortBelle I am surel you are a wonderful mum but I do want to make posters aware that the doctor was talking an absolute crock. Abused children crave affection from an abusive parent at least as much, usually more ime than a well treated child. Sorry to contradict but this misconception often stops people reporting reporting

Verypissedoffwife · 01/09/2015 23:17

Dd's fine now btw - read a nice story and laid with her for a bit as she couldn't sleep due to the excitement of going back to a new school year. All 's well again!

Original poster

FuryFowler · 01/09/2015 23:17

Thank you verypissed it is hard, and I find myself becoming stressed over things that I needn't be. This is the 1st time I've reacted physically though and do feel awful.
I'm practicing mindfulness techniques atm and I thought o was getting somewhere but this evening has proved me wrong.
I've never been a shouty person and I certainly don't want to be a shout parents but sometimes the whole parenting thing just becomes overwhelming.

OP posts:

Original poster

FuryFowler · 01/09/2015 23:18

Good to hear it verypissed
My cd doesn't go back until Monday! So should get on with labelling sooner rather than later!

OP posts:

IguanaTail · 01/09/2015 23:22

Lots of perfect people here. It wasn't ideal but you aren't Myra Hindley ffs. Give yourself a break. The last day of the long holidays - of course you can lose your cool. I think you were more sinned against than sinning. You can't always manage 6 year olds with clouds of fairy dust. Don't worry.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 01/09/2015 23:30

Beau That doctor talked shit. I'm not in any way calling you a liar, I just think it is responsible to make people aware that what he said is a lie. Medical professionals don't just dismiss any thought of abuse because the child seems happy. It's also not a very common injury. Yes it happens by accident but every case is looked at individually.

Verypissedoffwife · 01/09/2015 23:30

Yes sometimes it is totally overwhelming. Don't be afraid of saying when you need help though.

I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing for our children to see we're not perfect. As long as we recognise that and apologise if we misjudge a situation it can be quite constructive.

God knows with 2 15 year olds they challenge me all the time! After careful consideration of their argument I will sometimes concede that I was wrong and apologise. But mostly I find that after careful consideration - I am actually still right!

I reckon if I had another child I'd be near perfect by now!

amarmai · 01/09/2015 23:40

if that's the worst you ever do to your children, op, you do not have to worry. I am far more worried that your son can defy you in front of his father , who does nothing until he explodes and threatens to 'smack you across the room' . Your son needs to hear his father apologise to you and say that he should have helped you.

Original poster

FuryFowler · 01/09/2015 23:44

Yeah I'm still festering on what my dh said.
He's never shouted at me like that before, and I was shocked. He was apologetic. But I've always known due to personality, it's hard to explain, that he would talk to me like shit before I would to him.

OP posts:

IguanaTail · 01/09/2015 23:51

I agree with armarmai

How apologetic exactly was he? It was a pretty violent threat.

claraschu · 02/09/2015 00:06

Iguana, I also am impressed with all the perfect parents who never ever use any sort of physical force on recalcitrant children.

I would be absolutely beside myself if my husband said something this horrible to me.

Original poster

FuryFowler · 02/09/2015 00:09

He's not the 'let's sit down and talk about it' type of guy iguana so him apologising as soon as I come through the door is a big deal for him. I accept his apology but it does make me wonder how much he actually thinks of me.
He says he adores me and shows me, mainly when he's horny. He's very kind and brilliant with the kids. But he's quite controlling, as in I am my own person, but he likes things done certain ways such as items bought for house, where things go in house, how much housework/gardening/kids activities we should be doing etc... I've just put it down to him being an old man set in his ways! He's 10yrs
Old than I am, he's in his 40s.

OP posts:

Lweji · 02/09/2015 00:09

How exactly is this being turned on your OH?

And why do you keep minimising what you did to your son?

Yes, you realise you were wrong. However, I do hope this was not the first time. It has to be the only and last time.

Sure, your OH could have intervened earlier, but what if you were a single parent? Would you have dragged your son all the way to his room? With another child in your arms? Witnessing this as well?

Instead of the pats on the back and switching blame to your OH, I'd be busy analysing my own behaviour on this.

Original poster

FuryFowler · 02/09/2015 00:13

It was the 1st time lweji I don't understand why you'd hope it wasn't!

OP posts:

Theydontknowweknowtheyknow · 02/09/2015 00:13

Lweji

Original poster

FuryFowler · 02/09/2015 00:14

Also, I'm not minimising it. But as many have said, parents aren't perfect. I screwed up! I understand that. I am trying to rectify the situation. I'm struggling to understand were your post is coming from? Is it just to goad?

OP posts:

Lweji · 02/09/2015 00:19

The first means there will be others. I hope you make sure it was the only one, as I clearly said.

I'm appalled that you are mostly being excused on how you reacted to a small child and your OH who reacted to his son being dragged is the one ending up under scrutiny and having to apologise profusely. FGS

If he is abusive towards you is another matter, but frankly I'd be raging if I had seen anyone doing what you did to my children and certainly wouldn't be apologising.

Original poster

FuryFowler · 02/09/2015 00:23

But I have apologies to dh Lweji, and will do to ds in the morning? What more would you like me to do oh perfect parent with all the right answers?..... Shall I packs bags and leave?

OP posts:

Original poster

FuryFowler · 02/09/2015 00:24

So you think I'll do it again Lweji?..... when? In another 6yrs time?

OP posts:

Theydontknowweknowtheyknow · 02/09/2015 00:25

No one's perfect Lweji and there's a world of difference between a parent who loses it once after a long day dealing with a naughty child and a parent who constantly takes out their anger on their child.

Both acted badly and both are sorry. What is the point of making OP feel worse than she does?

Original poster

FuryFowler · 02/09/2015 00:26

What is your advice Lweji? What is the reason for you posting? Please, oh please give me your words of wisdom?

OP posts:

Verypissedoffwife · 02/09/2015 00:28

Lwegi she'd already said that it was the first and only time and that she'd apologised and knew it was wrong.

EmNetta · 02/09/2015 01:26

May I suggest - before there's a next time - that putting the toddler to bed before the six-year-old might solve a few problems?

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