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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to be fed up of being challenged for parking in a disabled space?

268 replies

hedgehogsdontbite · 01/09/2015 06:26

People think they're doing the righteous thing when they appoint themselves to the parking police but do they ever think about the impact they're having on the other person?

I was challenged yet again yesterday. The woman watched me park then stood in the space behind my car staring at me the whole time while I got out. Then snaps 'these spaces are for disabled people' as I walk past her.

Thing is, I have a blue badge which was out on my dashboard which shewouls have seen if she wasn't behind my car. But why do I even need to justify myself to some random in a supermarket carpark? I feel so intimidated by this kind of thing that I couldn't cope being in the shop so left. So now I need to go today instead, if I can get past the anxiety it's created.

AIBU to think 'just leave me the fuck alone'?

OP posts:
TalkinPeace · 01/09/2015 20:34

fakename
my aunty has a bb, she doesn't drive and so the badge lives in my cousins car (her daughter) and she uses it all the time and rarely has my aunty with her
Make her stop as there is a chance that she'll get reported and the badge will be taken away.
She MAY NOT use it unless she is acting as your Aunt's driver.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 01/09/2015 20:41

For some reason this is reminding me of our current battles for DS's DSA:
'Hi, I'm phoning on behalf of my son because...'
'Sorry, but we'll have to speak to him, not you.'
'...because he has autism and struggles to communicate, which is why he's going to need extra help...'
'Well, if you'll just tell him to ring us himself, please, we can discuss it with him

Assuming you are in England, have you applied to be his dwp appointee? It's a fairly simple process and is a seperate thing from POA. That should solve your problems

blaeberry · 01/09/2015 20:43

Information being out there is not the same as educating people. Of course I can look up the entitlements but I don't challenge people in car parks. Who should educate? Well media, including social media, the government, schools... If there is propaganda out there then there is more need of education not less. As for minding my own business; well I don't believe in a benevolent nanny state and I think it is all our business to make sure the vulnerable are treated fairly and that includes making it our business to ensure people who need support like blue badges receive them. As Zzzzz says there are too many people who should receive one who don't, should we mind our own business and not be concerned about that?

Marynary · 01/09/2015 21:12

As for minding my own business; well I don't believe in a benevolent nanny state and I think it is all our business to make sure the vulnerable are treated fairly and that includes making it our business to ensure people who need support like blue badges receive them.

Accosting a disabled person in a car park and demanding to know why they have a blue badge hardly equates to treating the vulnerable fairly.
It is not the business of people who don't know about disabilities to ensure people who "need support" receive blue badges.

Queeltie · 01/09/2015 21:20

My Local Authority publishes the number of people it prosecutes a year over misuse of Blue Badges. It is over 400 people a year who are prosecuted.

AlwaysOutnumberdNeverOutgunned · 01/09/2015 21:26

I can't see the relevance of blaeberry's last post to the op at all.

Baconyum · 01/09/2015 21:28

Yet another thread where the ignorance and intolerance is unbelievable in an age where people can educate themselves and/or just exercise some compassion!

"If someone has enough safety awareness to drive a car" blue badges aren't just for drivers. They can be used by passengers too so that the person giving them a lift can park somewhere suitable for them.

"if you ask me the system is very flawed and it should be reserved for people who have genuine mobility issues, not just any disability."

What would you class as 'genuine'? My dd has HMS currently being kept an eye on for possible EDS development. I have several in my circle who have fibromyalgia, CFS, untreated hip dysplasia issues. Also even less visible conditions like heart failure. Their mobility is intermittent and can't be predicted as is my friend who has cerebral palsy yet her mobility is often better than theirs (perhaps due to years more practice coping admittedly) yet she and I also have mental health issues. Which affect - you guessed it - our mobility in fact her anxiety limits her mobility more than the cp! Likewise I have a physical condition which limits my mobility and can hit suddenly without warning. I also have IBS which occasionally flares up. I'm quite assertive bolshy gobby cow "nobody tells off interfering bam pots like a glaswegian" (guess where im from Grin )and will tell people (in graphic detail if they're being real dicks!) Why I sometimes just need the nearest available loo asap!

Pseudo34 thanks so much for the nod to stickman communications. Dd is having a horrendous time at school with people (Inc teachers ) implying or even saying she's faking/milking it! They have no idea the agony she can be in some days and some of their products look really useful plus the designs are quite funky. She's at scouts but I'll show her when she gets in.

I liked what I saw on a similar post a few months ago, it was either an idea or an actual sticker 'if you want my blue badge you're welcome to my disability too!'

I don't currently drive but when I'm with friends/family who have blue badges either as drivers or passengers I witness this a lot and find myself being very assertive on their behalf!

Its also becoming an issue for people with disabled bus passes. Other passengers not understanding that these aren't just given out to folk in a wheelchair too!

"unfortunately many people abuse the system." Not true as with 'benefit cheating' its far less common than the popular media would have you believe. Queeltie how many of those are guilty though? And 400 out of how many that have bb and use them correctly?

Back to education, a lot of relevant charities who explain that not all disability/illness is obvious. I do wish people would take this on board.

As several pp have said unless you are directly involved in policing blue badges as part of your job beak out, none of your business!

LunchpackOfNotreDame · 01/09/2015 21:34

It annoys me.

I have hidden disabilities that are severe enough to impede my mobility but not bad enough to get a blue badge so I use the p&c spaces if they are close to the door.

You should hear the abuse I get. I've also been snapped as a 'repeat offender' on local parking like a twat pages. I'm sick of it.

wasonthelist · 01/09/2015 21:35

OP at the risk of being flippant, may I recommend what my mate does - answer "but I am disabled, I'm totally blind" and then walk off.

AlwaysOutnumberdNeverOutgunned · 01/09/2015 21:36

Lunchpack, that is harassing & bullying, can't the police have the site take those pictures down?

LunchpackOfNotreDame · 01/09/2015 21:39

The police won't get involved in Facebook spats however I have nearly called the police on someone in a carpark before now as my vehicle has become a target, they don't black out the reg plate on this page.

I've seen a good bumper sticker that says 'not all disabilities are visible' that I'm considering buying and sticking to my car but fear that will make me more of a target.

Parking seems to turn people into completely entitled arseholes at times.

Queeltie · 01/09/2015 21:40

That is 400 people prosecuted. So 400 who are guilty.

sleeponeday · 01/09/2015 21:41

As for minding my own business; well I don't believe in a benevolent nanny state and I think it is all our business to make sure the vulnerable are treated fairly and that includes making it our business to ensure people who need support like blue badges receive them. As Zzzzz says there are too many people who should receive one who don't, should we mind our own business and not be concerned about that?

Oh, I see. You're deciding that policing blue badge use in an officious, self-imposed and exceedingly unhelpful manner is all because you know better than a disabled person what a disabled person may like, want or need. How very civic-minded of you.

Have you ever heard of something called "concern trolling"?

LunchpackOfNotreDame · 01/09/2015 21:45

I found these, very appropriate for this thread!

to be fed up of being challenged for parking in a disabled space?
to be fed up of being challenged for parking in a disabled space?
Baconyum · 01/09/2015 21:45

Queeltie prosecuted merely means taken to court, as in they were accused. Doesnt mean they were found guilty

Pilgit · 01/09/2015 21:52

How horrid for you OP. Both for it to happen to you and some of the responses on here. You have a blue badge you don't need to justify your need for it to anyone. People challenge you on your own as they are cowards and won't challenge a group.

Queeltie · 01/09/2015 21:53

Just checked about 300 were found guilty. Some of the prosecutions were for expired badges, so maybe if they were genuine and just had forgot to renew, they were found not guilty?

Queeltie · 01/09/2015 21:57

And I know many people who struggle are not entitled to Blue Badges. They are difficult to get. But there does seem to be a lot of misuse as well.

Lurkedforever1 · 01/09/2015 22:06

'Helping' bb holders ( which incidentally sounds patronising as fuck) would be eg telling the lady down the road she may be able to get one for a hidden disability even though she herself doesn't drive. 'Helping' would not be haranguing said lady once in possession because my cousins brother-in- laws best friends work mates dogs uncle uses his dead for 10yrs grannys bb for free parking.
lunchpack as I said on a similar thread earlier, they are clearly confused and think p&c stands for 'precious & cunty'. Hence why they think they are more entitled than you as they fit what they believe the criteria is.

AlwaysOutnumberdNeverOutgunned · 01/09/2015 22:08

I know loads of people with a disability, the few who have blue badges do not misuse them, where is the evidence to show widespread misuse?

Do all the people on here who refuse to condemn this behaviour realise that the badges need renewed regularly, have the holder's photo on the back and can be inspected at any time? Stop propagating ill feeling towards the vulnerable in our society - it is creating a stupidity contagion.

OldBloodCallsToOldBlood · 01/09/2015 22:08

Genuine question for those posters who think it's a 'duty' to make sure blue badges aren't misused: What is questioning someone about their disability in a car park going to achieve? If that person is using a blue badge fraudulently, you aren't going to make them stop. You're more likely to upset a genuinely disabled person who is entitled to that badge.

Face it, it's not about trying to police the blue badge system, because if it was, you'd simply take the car details and report them officially. So, if you're reading this and you think you're doing a good thing by questioning people, I really want to know why you do it please. Help me to understand.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 01/09/2015 22:10

One of the Health Centres I work in has four spaces near the CarPark (car park has a barrier, I'm not allowed to park there ) and two on the road near the doors.
So 6 spaces which isn't a lot but there are single yellow lines - though these can be difficult because of the road and the chicanes.

IME it is the older patients who are most vocal. In their eyes unless a BB user is 70+ or using a visible mobility aid - frame, sticks,crutches or chair , they shouldn't be using them.
They view that someone crossing a road with 2 hip replacements is far more vunerable than a 10 yo who has an invisible disability.

I've been instructed by a patient to knock all the doors to find out who was parked in a BB space because they were using it unjustly.
I declined to do so and didn't say "Fuck me when did you qualify as a Dr"?

My parents had a friend who was registered blind but worked full time with the aid of her trusted guide dog. She never had a badge. My parents took her out and it was clear to anyone looking that she had a disability with or without the dog (like if my Mum took the dog for a pee and the owner waited with my dad)

So maybe the interfering busybodies who challenge have heard from their parents or grandparents just how difficult their journey is. And feel that they are vigilantes upholding the Law?

I have many occasions where a housebound patient tells me to use their badge and their space to park in because even though I don't need it, I'm visiting them. (I'm sure their family do it too).

Queeltie · 01/09/2015 22:12

AlwaysOutnumber - The evidence is published by Local Authorities who crack down on the misuse of Blue Badges.
And I am not saying that people should challenge anyone using a Blue Badge. Even though I did wonder about the young man who practically ran into the supermarket after parking with a BB, I said nothing.

AlwaysOutnumberdNeverOutgunned · 01/09/2015 22:14

Confronting someone on disability is pointless so becomes just that - nasty, confrontational, aggressive, belligerent, narrow-minded, sociopathic and downright rude. It is the grown up version of playground politics with dignity and ego at stake instead of lunch money and should be utterly condemned as the power play it is. Pick on someone your own size.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 01/09/2015 22:15

My dad didn't park in BB spaces BTW