Mumsnet Logo
My feed

to access all these features


So upset...husband left children alone, twice, asleep, LOCKED IN!

141 replies

jemama333 · 31/08/2015 11:27

Hi all, I have joined Mumsnet specifically to post in this forum as I am so upset and would welcome your views.

Yesterday evening I was at a meeting, and didn't have the car as we had a drink in the afternoon at a party. While I was there I got a text from home saying "do you want a lift back as I have to pop out to the shop anyway?" I said, ok, thanks, but I think the shop may be shut when I'm finished, and suggested he tried to find out the closing time.

If we need to nip out when the children (very nearly 8, and 6) are in bed, my adult daughter lives next door, and we would usually ask her to come into our house, so I presumed this was what he was going to do.

I didn't hear any more, so texted to ask if was around or should I walk - only 10 minutes walk, didn't mind at all - he said he was outside to give me a lift. On the way back, I asked if he got what he wanted at the shop, and he said he was worried it would have closed so had gone earlier - he had just come for me as a second trip out. I commented that (adult daughter) wouldn't be too happy being asked to come round twice, and he said "oh, she wouldn't come, she has friends round, she said she can hear stuff in our house, I just locked them in." AT WHICH POINT I NEARLY SHOT OUT OF THE CAR WINDOW IN FRIGHT AND STARTED RUNNING.

I start ranting....hurry up, hurry up, I'll ring her and get her to go in - although we were 3 minutes from home by then when he said, "Oh, but I've got the keys with me!" Cue even more frantic ranting and every scenario you can imagine going through my head. He said he left the keys behind on the first occasion but forgot the second time.

I was out of that car before he had pulled down the drive, and in the door - all quiet. He comes in...."see, nothing has gone wrong, you can calm down now" At which point I go off like a firework again, as THAT IS NOT THE POINT!!

By the time we get to bed, I am still fuming, and he was apologising for his "stupid misjudgement" and that he had learnt his lesson etc. I can't forget this. He is normally very good with the children.

I have been thinking about asking him if we can separate for some time now, as I don't love him - there is no physical attraction at all, and I feel we would be better as co-parents who didn't live together. The only thing that stops me is that (as I have a few issues from my childhood) I don't know if there is "something wrong" with me, that might change my feelings if I dealt with the problem. However, after last I being unreasonable to have let this affect me so badly, and to want to end things NOW?

Would appreciate your advice folks. :(

OP posts:

PennyHasNoSurname · 31/08/2015 11:35

I do not think it is appropriate to leave an 8yo and a 6yo alone in the house asleep or awake regardless. However your reaction in the car was beyond ridiculous. Id imagine the screeching and stressing would have been incredibly distracting to a driver.

If he is normally very good with the children then I would say that what has happened is more a difference of opinion (I do think there is a large amount of people qho would say what he did was fine).

Whilst I am of your thinking, I also think that your DH is not necessarily wrong - maybe these sorts of things should be clarified between you both.


PennyHasNoSurname · 31/08/2015 11:37

And if you wish to separate and no longer love him, then maybe make some steps towards splitting? This incident alone wouldnt want to separate.


FarFromAnyRoad · 31/08/2015 11:43

Crazy overreaction. Whatever is wrong with you? Going off 'like a firework'? Seriously?


AuditAngel · 31/08/2015 11:43

I would also not leave an 8 yo and a 6yo in the house alone. We have an 11yo, 8 yo and a nearly 5. We do leave the 11yo and have been working on this (building up the time alone) for the last year.

DH has in the past asked if he can leave the 8yo, but been told no. Once when I had been held up on the way home, when I was 5 minutes away I told him it was ok to walk to the bus stop so he wasn't late for work, but I was in the next road.

I do think you over reacted though.


TravellingToad · 31/08/2015 11:46

What he did was definitely wrong but your reaction was absolutely crazy!!


GeeGee92 · 31/08/2015 11:46

YANBU to be upset that your husband left your children alone but surely there was another way it could be dealt with, especially if he is usually very good with them. It seems to me like he still really cares about you with him offering to pick you up.

Have you considered therapy, either with or without your husband? it's easy for relationships to lose their spark especially when young children are involved (and adult ones living next door can't make it any easier).

It just seems a little bit like you're trying to find a reason to leave him, and although what he did was wrong it's no reason to split up.


Pseudo341 · 31/08/2015 11:46

YANBU, I'd have gone absolutely ballistic at him for leaving the kids like that. I don't think it's fair of PennyHNN to accuse you of being ridiculous, while you could have dealt with it better we're all entitled to hit the panic button once in a while.

I wouldn't however say this was a divorce issue. There's clearly lots more going on. From the limited information you've given I'd say counselling might be a good idea.


gamerchick · 31/08/2015 11:49

If you want to end your relationship you don't need an excuse. Don't use this as an excuse. Just end it if that's what you want.


wafflyversatile · 31/08/2015 11:49

How long was he out of the house each trip?

He made a misjudgement. He realises this. No parent is perfect. I think you are over reacting a bit.

If you want to split up then take responsibility for that. It's what you want. Not some revelation that this thing is beyond the pale and that it's his fault you're splitting up because he left them alone for 20 mins.

I also think that it would be unfair to use this an an excuse for the kids to have less time with him if you do split up. (Not that I'm saying this is what you plan)


MrsGentlyBenevolent · 31/08/2015 11:51

You totally over reacted. I can understand you being angry, and think he's irresponsible, but your reaction was bordering on insane. I mean if you were only a 10 minute walk away, it takes seconds in a car, why on earth were you flapping about in a panic as if it was your life mirroring Home Alone?

The separating from your husband part is a completely separate issue. Of course, if you're unhappy and feel it cannot be salvaged, you must do what's right for you. But don't blame it on this incident - niether of you look good here.


Kickedinthetits · 31/08/2015 11:54

He was definitely wrong. Your reaction sounds a bit ridiculous.
And it sounds like there are way more problems in your relationship than this.


NotSoDesperateHousewife · 31/08/2015 11:54

I'm sorry but that's utterly ridiculous. They're 6 & 8 with an adult relative NEXT DOOR who knew your DH had nipped out. I don't think the judgement was that bad at all but our reaction was.


NotSoDesperateHousewife · 31/08/2015 11:54



BrandNewAndImproved · 31/08/2015 11:58

Over the top op.


Spartans · 31/08/2015 11:59

I agree with pps. He was wrong and you over reacted. He is usually good with the kids and accepted he shouldn't have done it. You are still carrying on.

If you want to split then own it and spilt. It's seems you are looking for a reason you can balme him for the split.

If you aren't happy you don't need more than that. But trying to use this as a reason to instigate the split isn't on imo.


Gileswithachainsaw · 31/08/2015 12:00

Your reaction was ridiculous.

totally agree with Notso

I understand you disagree but the dramatics did nothing but delay getting homr and caused a journey to be more dangerous than it should have been by creating a huge distraction.


whattodohatethis · 31/08/2015 12:01

There was an adult next door who knew to listen for them.
It really isn't much different than being out in the garden with the kids asleep in the house.

You massively overreacted.

The separation is a separate issue and you shouldn't use this as an excuse. If you want to separate just separate.


AuntyMag10 · 31/08/2015 12:10

Your adult dd knew to hear for them though and she was right next door. Your reaction was ridiculous and crazy. If you want to separate do so but not based on this incident.


TidyDancer · 31/08/2015 12:47

Agree with everyone else. I wouldn't have done what your DH did but your reaction was unbelievably OTT.


Branleuse · 31/08/2015 12:54

how long did he even leave them for? How far did he go.
Im quite happy to leave my children of that age in the house alone while I nip to the local shop, although I wouldnt if it was a big supermarket shop.

I think your reaction seems wildly out of proportion, maybe because youre not into him, therefore looking for problems?


Branleuse · 31/08/2015 12:56

especially since your dd lives next door, so if anyting happened, or they woke up, theyd know exactly where to go anyway


Nonnainglese · 31/08/2015 12:56

Completely OTT reaction.
As a farmer's wife I often left both children alone in the house at night if I was needed to help with calving a cow - no choice as very isolated farm, and I certainly wasn't going to drag two children out of bed in the middle of the night to stand in a field, in the dark!


Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 31/08/2015 13:02

Over the top, Brand. Her DH left a 6 and 8 year old in the house on their own. Thank God it didn't but anything could have happened.


Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 31/08/2015 13:06

Sorry brand not just you who said op reaction was ott. Don't want to be singling out one poster.
But they were locked in Branleuse. Heaven forbid if a fire wouidf have broken out.
I don't blame the op for going off on one


ThereIsIron · 31/08/2015 13:08

Bad judgement on his part, but MASSIVE overreaction on yours.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Sign up to continue reading

Mumsnet's better when you're logged in. You can customise your experience and access way more features like messaging, watch and hide threads, voting and much more.

Already signed up?