To ask why people hate fussy eaters?

[StarlingMurmuration]

I can see why people might find it annoying if they've invited a fussy eater to dinner and he or she won't eat anything that's been prepared, but why does it seem to annoy people otherwise, if they're unaffected? I've often seen it said on MN that being a picky eater is "attention seeking", is that what many people think?

Full disclaimer: I have a lot of issues with the texture or smell of certain foods, and have done since I was a child. I'm a lot better now (e.g. up til my late 20s I couldn't bear things with sauce on them, and I had to separate all my food out, I couldn't take a mixed bite of things like veg AND meat) and now I'm always willing to try something new but there are certain things I can't eat without heaving, so I refuse to attempt them. I still find eating at people's houses quite stressful because I worry they'll serve something I don't like, and even eating in restaurants can be hard work because there's often only one or at the most two things I fancy on the menu. I swear it's not attention-seeking - I hate people noticing when I don't clear my plate, or commenting on my fussiness. I'd love to feel able to eat anything, it would make my life so much easier.

I also thinks it people who decide a new diet just because, and start expecting to cater to it.

I hate the implication ( quite often not subtle) that something I am eating is gross/disgusting/horrid/unpalatable etc...

If a fussy person said "I wish I could eat raspberries, they smell so nice".... No problem. But that's never what gets said..., it's always "how can you eat raspberries, they have those little bits and the horrid hairs, they are so disgusting, I can't eat them, I can't tolerate the texture..".

I don't want comments about how things taste in your mouth, or how you spit things out, or how you feel like you want to throw up etc whilst I am happily eating

I don't care what other people eat or don't eat.

I do care when they make a big song & dance about it every bloody time we go anywhere to eat together, harassing the poor waiters, taking effing hours to order anything and then sending it back because there is a a fleck of grated pepper or a few croutons on their plate.

I take comfort in the near-certainty that their meal is being spit on in the kitchen before being served à la Fight Club.

I can't abide fussy eaters. It's childish and self indulgent, attention seeking and a very first world problem. I grew up in poverty- any food was gratefully received.

I have also lived in Asia, where people have real challenges getting enough to eat.

No that's a problem,

Hmmm... If my friends want to eat somewhere I'd struggle with, I either say I'm not too hungry so I can get away with just a starter or dessert, or I duck out, or I say "There's nothing I like there but I'm happy to go if everyone wants to go there." Sometimes we do go to the suggested restaurant, sometimes they say, "Let's go somewhere else then."

Depends what sort of fussy is fussy.

Genuine food phobias fine (citrus fruits make me properly gag). But it's the haven't tried it don't like it brigade and the entitled brigade.

I had a girl to stay for a night (friend f my sisters) who I texted the night before asking if she wanted anything to eat cause I didn't have much in so there was what I was cooking or she might have to fend for herself. To which she replied that she'd just have a bit of what I was having. Fine cool no problems- I was making cauliflower cheese (not super exciting but it was what I had in and tescos delivery coming the next day) made enough for two... She arrives and takes one look at it, actively turned her nose up and went "oh I'm vegan and gluten free." Didn't think to mention that?!?!?!? she was a miserable cow. It was the attitude that did my head in. She proceeded to go through my cupboards which contained probably the ends of some bread and half a pack if digestives sighing at everything. Could have smacked her. Never forgiven my sister for that!!!

What Saucy said. Making a fuss is so very annoying. I went out for a meal with a friend who kept doing this faux gag thing at my fish meal. And saying " how can you eat that?"

Genuine food issues like sensory problems or allergies is one thing but some people just like to be a pain.

I'm probably guilty of assuming that if someone is a fussy eater, then they are going to be high-maintenance, picky and awkward in other respects. I realise this is unfair, and am consciously correcting myself. Ds1 is really fussy, and a bit of a drama llama in other respects,

My mum is a really fussy eater, getting more so as she gets older. She won't eat veg, hated uncooked tomatoes, doesn't like 'plates of food that taste all the same' ie pasta dishes, can't stand anything fatty / oily / skin-on chicken. Left to her own devices she would live on white bread, ham sandwiches, toast, baked potato with cheese, and lentil soup. Oh, and wine. Then she moans about having a dodgy gut / IBS (she blames this on the rare occasion she inadvertently eats 'too much salad') and being overweight. She didn't teach me anything positive about food, except how to comfort eat and blame myself for being fat. So that's probably where my cats bum face about fussy eaters comes from.

Thanks starling. With ds, he won't even try stuff. Even things which are dry and crispy (roast duck?. He won't drink water at my parents because it tastes different. He naively only eats chips on holiday. It's really hard, and yes, he's skinny. But I refuse to let him live of crisp sandwiches!! I have 2 other normal rates so I'm fairly sure it's not a parenting issue, but would like meals to be less stressful and more nutritious.

Actually saying there's nothing I eat there is guilt tripping people. Just get on with it.

Too many mistakes. I have 2 other children who are normal eaters.

People get annoyed because it impacts them personally.

Some fussy eaters don't make a song and dance about it. A lot do though. I have a few friends who are athletes so their food is very precise. Everytime there is a group meal out its a nightmare. It always ends up as Nandos. They want to come but (apart from christmas) never take a day off their nutrition. Even by a little. Last time we were all away working together, we ended up wandering round til 10pm trying to find somewhere that one girl in particular could eat. Ended up at Nandos. Apparantly she couldn't trust anyone else to do just plain chicken and salad.

2 weeks later she decided she was dropping her competitions anyway. The whole weekend was a nightmare.

People who end up ruling meals out or causing atmospheres at meals by picking and poking or whinging are a nightmare.

How kind of you goblinhat. I doubt that you have ever experienced the full-blown anxiety that accompanies a food phobia. I know that it is irrational, but there is nothing I can do to help it. I avoid going outbto meals because of precious people like you who can't help but interfere and ask what is wrong with me or be uber-critical about what I will not eat, even if I say nothing.

starling I find the whole 'I'll go elsewhere you stay here' equally annoying sorry. People are left with either leaving you alone or leaving the restaurant they want to eat in.

Can you not look up restaurants before hand?

I find that usually the way people react to the fussy eater will impact greatly on how they act.

I am not greatly fussy but hate most things my in-laws serve. So I try and just eat the bits I do like with no fuss and without anyone noticing. That is until they start barking at me "Why haven't you got any xxx, (thing I have tried before and disliked) you should have xxx, eat it, you'll like it." To which I have to say, look sorry I don't like that, I've tried it and I don't like it.

FIL will plop some on my plate anyway. I leave it. Then everyone says "ooooooh, didn't you like it?" and raises their eyebrows like I am ungrateful or attention seeking. Happens everytime.

Have some compassion, people. Not everyone likes homemade cheese/liver. If someone doesn't like something, don't bring attention to it or try and force it on them.

Hands up!
They annoy the hell out of me.

It's just food!
If people were forcing you to eat dog shit, then I may have some sympathy.

But it's Food fgs! There's a whole world of food out there! Food in all it's abundance, glory and wonderful variations.
Why would you not want to try different things?

Just get on with it and get it down yer neck and stop moaning.

Fussy children and people with eating disorders I can understand and have sympathy for before anyone shoots me
But everybody else? - No way.

You should have grown out of your fussy habits, at least by the time you are 20.
There's something a bit infantile about being an adult and still being a fussy eater.

Whatwhat I'm not sure if that was what the op refers to, maybe? It's those fussy ones who have to let everybody know what they think and make a drama about it, who will make an entire group of people change their plans for one person, who go on theses faddy diets and expect people to cater to that. Those are the irritating, annoying ones. Just get on with it.

If parents didn't pander there would be no fussy eaters.

Oh fuck off. My parents never pandered, and as a result I spent many lonely hours in the kitchen after everyone else had finished trying to eat the fish they served for dinner.
As an adult, if I eat fish (even by accident, when I don't know that's what I'm eating) it makes me gag and gives me the heaves. I'm not putting it on for attention or to piss other people off, in fact, I would much rather be able to eat fish, but my gag reflexes say no.
I don't have a fear of heights or enclosed spaces like some of my friends, but I don't tell them it's because their parents pandered to them, FFS.

I have absolutely zero issue with people who have food intolerances or sensory problems who calmly say "unfortunately, I can't eat x". I don't even need an explanation particularly!

The one which drives me mad are the prima donnas who make a complete holy show about it. I once had a woman refuse to enter a building where bacon was cooking in one room because it "offended her as a vegetarian ". Likewise a colleague who always very loudly and repeatedly comments " ohhh, Wyld, I can't understand how you can eat x, y or z".

I also have encountered quite a few kids who turn their noses up when offered pasta etc because "at my house, we have chicken nuggets / fish fingers". They normally end up digging in when it's actually served because they're hungry, that's all there is and everyone else is!

OP, if I was hosting you (or a pp's son), I would have no problems working around your food issues providing I know in advance. By setting it out as " I can't eat x or y unfortunately. I can bring food with me?", I will always work with you to find something that you would eat and cook it happily.

"Fussy eaters" don't bother me. My best friend has some food phobias that he readily admits are weird and a problem, and he's seeing a therapist about them. In the meantime, if we eat out together I don't object to us going somewhere where he knows he can eat something from the menu.

What I object to are those who bang on incessantly about their non-mainstream diet, be it "fussiness", veganism, raw foodism, paleo, faddy non-medically necessary GF etc.

Actually, shishagrrrl homemade cheese pretty much does taste like dogshit.

Spartans, it depends on the circumstances, really sometimes I can look up in advance, sometimes eating out is spur of the moment and if I look it up in advance and see nothing I could eat, won't I still be guilt tripping everyone by saying that? Basically I can't win - if I say, let's go anyway then I'm raining on people's parade, if I duck out, I'm making people feel guilty. What would you suggest I say or do? Presumably some think I should just suck it up and eat food that I have sensory issues with? But I doubt you'd say that if I had other sernsory issues with other things. It's only sensory issues about food which are dismissed as childish or fussy or attention-seeking, IMO.

Having had to cater for a child who only eats meat....literally won't eat any veg, not even chips or mash, or bead...I do find it annoying when they go home complaining to their mum that they are still hungry. I can't give them a whole plate of meat or four burgers to the detriment of my family. It's not a phobia or food issue, it's just the parents have never pushed the child to try any veg.

On the other hand another child who comes here can't have fish or peanuts (serious allergy with epi pen) and I cooked pasta bake the other day. She struggled with it although did try...She later told my dd she's not used to food like that as her mum only gave her tomato soup. She's now in the care of her grandparents. I could have wept. She's a lovely kid and I will talk to her gram next time to make sure I make something she can eat.

Tbh it's the "there's nothing I like there" response to going to a restaurant that pisses me off the most. You food issues are your problem, don't make them anyone else's. Yes I would stop inviting someone who said that to me about more than one restaurant.

As long as people keep their food issues to themselves they don't bother me. Equally I hate people commenting on what I am or am not eating or encouraging me to eat or not eat to suit their preferences.