..to still go on Holiday, without DSD??

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DSD (12) was due to arrive here today, until the end of the school holidays, as we are going on holiday on Friday, for a week.
DSD has just returned from a holiday abroad with her DM, SF, and their own toddler DS.
We have received a message that DSD she can't come to us yet, as she's too poorly to travel. They finished their holiday, and then after the plane touched down, drove straight home, called their local doctor out, who had her transfered to hospital. She is really unwell, and has been for a WEEK, while on holiday. An infection has been untreated, and got worse as the days went on.
DH phoned his DD's Mum, who said she'd been unwell for a few days on their holiday, but she didn't get a doctor to come out- as it would have been too expensive. DH said the Insurance should have covered that? But she said it didn't ie, she went on holiday without insurance?
If those tables were turned, and we brought her back to her Mum ill, no doctor seen and no insurance, there would be an absolute war on.
But this is the real problem- we are going on our own family holiday on Friday morning.
DSD, is now too ill to travel. She will not be fit to fly, let alone enjoy a holiday.
Her cheeky DM, says we should postpone our holiday, until DD is well enough to come.
We have refused. We don't see why our 3 other children should be disappointed and miss their holiday, because their Sister's Mum refused to seek treatment for her when she actually needed it? She would have been better by now, this was totally avoidable. Now DSD is back in the UK, too ill to have a holiday with us, we are being called every name under the sun, becuase we are still continuing with the Holiday. It is paid for, and we intend on going. DSD has after all just had a holiday, 3 DCs here haven't.
I just wanted opinions if possible. Would you go?

"It seems to me that on MN the SC is expected to be treated favourably at all times even to the detriment of the other children, which is mad."
I've often read statements like this on MN. In this thread though, I think it's simply a case of treating the dc the same.
If it was a resident child ill in hospital, I imagine it would be a much easier decision to postpone the holiday. It shouldn't make a difference that the dd is non-resident.
I can't imagine how awful the child would feel knowing her family had gone on holiday without her, a holiday that she'd been really looking forward to, on top of having a holiday ruined by being very ill and not being looked after properly.

We have no idea who the child would rather be with when Ill. She could be really pissed off with her mother for ignoring her illness for all we know, and be looking forward To spending time with her father, ill or not. She was fine being with her father when having her apendix out.

She had her appendix taken out a while ago and the dh cared for her whilst her mother went on her hen weekend.

Ici if you had rtwt you would see that I have been contributing to this debate since this morning - about 60 posts in from memory.

I admit though that I have missed the part where we find out the dsd will be out of hospital very soon. Has the op returned and told us that was the verdict of the doctor?

I would go. with h. dsd has two parents and they take it in turns to be with her when she is ill. stop bashing her mum. she has her dad with her while she was in hospital last time. she will have her mum this time. I would get h to remind her mum of this.

arrange for her to fly out later if possible. find someone that will drive her to the airport.

as for dsd. well you need to save up and send her and dp on another holiday together while you stay home with the littlies if you can not afford it.

I think she is old enough to understand that she may not enjoy her holiday with you if she is recovering and that asd child has needs too. I think she is old enough to be comforted in her diapointment and look forward to a better replacement. (one to one time with dad)

you need to be careful how you explain this to her though. she needs to be reassured of her dads love. parents take turns doing the difficult bits. I do not expect ex to drop stuff for the dcs when there is a perfectly capable parent there.

and perhaps the mum did not know how ill she was. perhaps she could not be bothered. it has happened and you have to deal with it as it is now.

BlackeyedSusan, good post.

Some of the replies on this thread display perfectly why divorce is so toxic to the children caught in the middle. They are merely pawns used for parents to grind axes with each other.

Reasonable parents would have a conversation, understand each others point of view and say, go on holiday I have got this covered (just as the DH did when the DD had appendicitis and the mum was on a hen weekend). As long as the child is with a loving parent who is looking after them that is all that is needed.

OP go on holiday, have fun and come back with a lovely gift for DSD.

Potentially though, Susan, the mother has had to drop things to care for her daughter now she's ill. She may well have had plans for when her dd was away. Of course, that's the right things for her to do but why is it fair for one parent to drop plans and not the other?

But if the parent's were still together I would imagine they wouldn't go on the holiday. Why is it different because they are separated?

Has she not said she can look after her daughter but is not prepared to drive to the airport?

I think most people wouldn't have questioned leaving an ill child with the mum if the OP hadn't gone on and on about how negligent and irresponsible the mum was for not getting her appropriate medical treatment. She even said this:

Before anyone thinks I am Mother-Bashing, ask yourself, if your Child was sick abroad, where is the first place you would be? There are pictures on DSD's Facebook page, of her DM and SF poolside with cocktail in hand, while she is asleep ill on the deckchair behind them, looking not well at all.

So the OP has painted a pretty damning picture of the mum, then turned around and said they want to leave the ill child in the mum's care. If she felt the mum was a responsible parent, she certainly hasn't taken pains to present that info here.

What about OP takes the oldest boy (the one who would suffer most from cancellation) away. DH, since he has time off, has the two littlest at home. Hire a local 'party' Cinderella for the 3 yo and say that Cinderella was so disappointed LO couldn't come and see her that she visited. OP has less to deal with away, DH sees his DD, little ones are home to fine, everyone wins.

Or am I missing something important? Possibly youngest is BF?

That's been suggested many times Terry, and mainly ignored. Op did say as she doesn't drive she would struggle to cope with all 3 children there alone, but that wouldn't be an issue with just the 1, or even 2, children.

Do we know which Disney park they are going to ?

Silly me. I thought an emotional bond may remain. I forgot that once separated everything was purely transactional.

I really hope OP ignores the over-invested witchery on here and she and her DH go and have a lovely holiday with their 3 DCs. There will be plenty of ways to make it up to DSD, who is 12 years old not a small child, when they come back.

"over-invested witchery"

Alice the OP was venting, thats what an anonymous forum is for. I didn't read it as mother bashing.

Poppy Yes, she was venting. Fine. But if you go on and on about what a shit mum she is, not providing proper medical attention for the dsd, then turn around and say you're going on holiday and leaving ill dsd with the mum, is it really surprising that people will think it's off?

So let's say the op cancels her holiday. Dsd gets discharged the next day and goes home to mum as that's what dsd and mum want. What has cancelling the holiday achieved? Family out of pocket, wasted annual leave, upset autistic child and others disappointed. Dsd will feel guilty at her family missing out a d won't even be with her dad.

But as long as the op cancels the holiday to keep everyone on here happy, that's ok.

at 12 mth old's holiday being ruined

Great idea, op takes eldest to Disney while the younger 2 plus dh sit at home. Yes why not ruin those 2 dc's holiday too hmm

The Op has said the younger two are 3 and a baby (under 12 months I think) so I'm not sure that's a valid argument.

No one is saying the OP has to cancel her holiday, she asked for opinions if she should go. She has been given opinions.

We don't know how the DSD will feel if they go without her, she may well feel quite upset the holiday is going ahead without her or she may feel guilty at the family missing out. As a stepdaughter myself I would be surprised if it were the latter. I would have been upset if parents and step parents did this to me as a child.