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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

..to still go on Holiday, without DSD??

474 replies

ViVeriVeniversumVivusVicii · 26/08/2015 23:54

DSD (12) was due to arrive here today, until the end of the school holidays, as we are going on holiday on Friday, for a week.
DSD has just returned from a holiday abroad with her DM, SF, and their own toddler DS.
We have received a message that DSD she can't come to us yet, as she's too poorly to travel. They finished their holiday, and then after the plane touched down, drove straight home, called their local doctor out, who had her transfered to hospital. She is really unwell, and has been for a WEEK, while on holiday. An infection has been untreated, and got worse as the days went on.
DH phoned his DD's Mum, who said she'd been unwell for a few days on their holiday, but she didn't get a doctor to come out- as it would have been too expensive. DH said the Insurance should have covered that? But she said it didn't ie, she went on holiday without insurance?
If those tables were turned, and we brought her back to her Mum ill, no doctor seen and no insurance, there would be an absolute war on.
But this is the real problem- we are going on our own family holiday on Friday morning.
DSD, is now too ill to travel. She will not be fit to fly, let alone enjoy a holiday.
Her cheeky DM, says we should postpone our holiday, until DD is well enough to come.
We have refused. We don't see why our 3 other children should be disappointed and miss their holiday, because their Sister's Mum refused to seek treatment for her when she actually needed it? She would have been better by now, this was totally avoidable. Now DSD is back in the UK, too ill to have a holiday with us, we are being called every name under the sun, becuase we are still continuing with the Holiday. It is paid for, and we intend on going. DSD has after all just had a holiday, 3 DCs here haven't.
I just wanted opinions if possible. Would you go?

OP posts:
LittleLionMansMummy · 27/08/2015 15:57

Exactly hackedoffnow I have repeatedly asked the op to say whether she'd leave one of her own dc in hospital and go on holiday to no avail. I wouldn't. Dh wouldn't. I suspect the op wouldn't either.

Icimoi · 27/08/2015 15:58

But if it was one of her dc in hospital, she would either need to cancel the whole holiday or one of them would stay at home whilst the other parent took 3 children including one with sn alone. So what's the difference?

The difference is (1) that the dc is likely to be out of hospital very soon, and (2) that the resident parent is available to look after the child.

Lj8893 · 27/08/2015 15:58

Of course she wouldn't little lion. And that's why she haven't answered that question.

Iamatotalandutteridiot · 27/08/2015 15:59

Hmm.... tough one... because your DSD hasn't really had a holiday, has she? She's had a week of being ill somewhere other than home (which is arguably worse that being ill at home!!)

But, your other kids don't deserve to miss the holiday and I can't imagine your insurance would cover you ALL missing the holiday, as you are a step parent.

I would definitely take the kids... but I am not sure if your DH should stay home and treat his DD...

that's what I would do... but (as a SM) I am well used to taking my own kids away without DH because he's otherwise obligated :-)

Lj8893 · 27/08/2015 15:59

I meant what the difference was in having one parent manage with 3 dc on holiday alone.

ArendelleQueen · 27/08/2015 16:00

Those who say the DH should go, would you go on a holiday without your child if they were in hospital, no matter how 'minor' Hmm the illness?!

grovel · 27/08/2015 16:00

Exactly, Icimoi.

Icimoi · 27/08/2015 16:01

Alice, you were the one who minimised an autistic child's likely distress as being "upset". You had not at that stage said you had an autistic child. We can only go on the evidence of your own posts. You, however, seem to be going far, far beyond the evidence available from the OP's posts.

Sallystyle · 27/08/2015 16:02

Who would go on holiday when their 12 year old child was in hospital? It shows how consumerist our society has become that people are seriously suggesting this as an option.

I would go on a family holiday which my other children have been looking forward to if my 12 year old was in hospital with a chest infection, responding well and due home if he/she had another parent to care for him/her.

So yes, I am seriously suggesting this as an option.

LittleLionMansMummy · 27/08/2015 16:02

A chest infection that needs treating in hospital is not a minor illness, it is borderline pneumonia. Having had a severe chest infection (treated at home) I know how poorly that little girl must have been to be hospitalised.

fuzzywuzzy · 27/08/2015 16:02

One parent will be with DSD. I hope OP and her DH go on holiday.

Maybe if you can it would be nice to take all DC including DSD away later in the year.

Icimoi · 27/08/2015 16:03

And, Alice, I didn't ask whether you had an option about cancelling your holiday; I asked whether, if you had had that option and thus avoided distress to your children, you would have taken it. The fact that you have once again avoided answering a salient question speaks volumes.

hackedoffnow · 27/08/2015 16:03

Ps - please don't mention to the Doctors that you can't decide whether to go on holiday or not - they will think you are an idiot !

Lj8893 · 27/08/2015 16:05

If this was the other way round and the mother was posting saying her ex had taken her dd on holiday and ignored her illness and now she was home and in hospital, but she had a holiday booked and was still contemplating going and taking her other children, leaving dd in the care of her ex. There would be bloody uproar!!!

hackedoffnow · 27/08/2015 16:05

Exactly LittleLion.

Icimoi · 27/08/2015 16:06

I have repeatedly asked the op to say whether she'd leave one of her own dc in hospital and go on holiday to no avail. I wouldn't. Dh wouldn't. I suspect the op wouldn't either.

If you had RTFT you would know that OP said she was visiting DSD today, which is probably the main reason she hasn't come back. And you are avoiding the fact that the likelihood is that DSD will be out of hospital very soon. There is rather a difference between leaving a child in hospital and leaving a child convalescing in the care of the RP, particularly when the welfare of three other children has to be considered.

Lj8893 · 27/08/2015 16:08

Could it be an option, in the future, to not tell your eldest son about big events such as holidays etc in advance, so if there is any situations which do cause cancellation, disappointment and meltdowns can be avoided?

hackedoffnow · 27/08/2015 16:08

What that they will miss a holidayIci? -Hardly a welfare issue.

AliceDoesntLiveHereAnymore · 27/08/2015 16:09

Alice, you were the one who minimised an autistic child's likely distress as being "upset".

Oh, my apologies. I hadn't realised I was tasked to utilise appropriate language for autistic meltdowns.

Here, this is what we get with meltdowns:

kicking, screaming, crying, shouting, hitting, scratching, spitting, throwing things, head banging, climbing, crawling under things, hiding, running, biting, occasionally vomiting... plus other stuff I've probably missed.

Last meltdown in our house? This morning, just before lunch.

We've had that over TOOTHPASTE in this house FFS. So, yes, I was aware that cancelling the holiday would probably not be a popular choice. But I am the parent, and it is my responsibility to make the right choice.

You had not at that stage said you had an autistic child.

My sincere apologies. In future, I shall make sure any post I make on any thread includes the preface "I have autistic children" so as to alert everyone that feels they need to make assumptions about my personal life and claim that I know nothing about autism. After all, you never know when someone might mention autism on a thread, so might as well pave the way ahead of time.

Itsmine · 27/08/2015 16:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lj8893 · 27/08/2015 16:12

What if you were the rp itsmine?

AliceDoesntLiveHereAnymore · 27/08/2015 16:15

And, Alice, I didn't ask whether you had an option about cancelling your holiday; I asked whether, if you had had that option and thus avoided distress to your children, you would have taken it. The fact that you have once again avoided answering a salient question speaks volumes.

Clearly you feel the need to attack me on this. Perhaps you misunderstood. To me, there IS no other option. A family holiday is a family holiday. If some of the family isn't able to go due to illness, then we cancel and reschedule. I'm sorry if you're struggling with this idea. I feel that my children, even though they are young, still need to understand this, and they do. Yes, they were upset (oh sorry, should I be using different wording here? Like "meltdown"?? See above post please), but they are fine now.

grovel · 27/08/2015 16:24

It's quite possible that the DSD would be appalled that her Dad and step-family would cancel their holiday. Not a bundle of laughs to go and spend a week recuperating with younger, disappointed kids.

Lj8893 · 27/08/2015 16:27

But they don't need to cancel the whole holiday, the op can take the 3&8 yr old whilst dh remains at home with the baby and dd.

Itsmine · 27/08/2015 16:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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