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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Or is DH just tight/old fashioned?

138 replies

WyrdByrd · 26/08/2015 21:49

DD is 11 in a couple of weeks & today I went out birthday shopping for her. She is getting the following:

A basketball
2 pairs of silver earrings
Artemis Fowl book 2
Zoella bubble bath, body lotion & perfume
Paul Frank notecards
Flamingo fairy lights
A Â£10 'Love to Shop' voucher - there were a few more expensive things on her wishlist that we were a bit about but if she wants to buy them with birthday money from aunts/uncles it'll help out.

She's having 7 friends round for tea on the Friday nearest her birthday - am borrowing a set of 'photo booth' props & they'll probably watch a film & largely amuse themselves. Her best friend is staying over.

We have gone halves on most of her presents (a couple I'd picked up ad hoc earlier on the year) and I will pay for the 'party' food, paper plates etc & party bags.

DH thinks this is all OTT...again.
Every birthday & Christmas we have this argument. I think it's a case of very different upbringings, and admittedly I have got carried away a bit in the past, but I thought I'd been fairly sensible this time .

Any thoughts? Am I an overindulgent spendthrift or a fairly normal mum wanting to give her DD a great birthday?

OP posts:

ivykaty44 · 26/08/2015 21:52

these present are just from you and your dp?

I would say it was a lot in our household - we do two or three present tops in our house.

That said things have been purchased through the year not all for birthdays or christmas

WipsGlitter · 26/08/2015 21:53

OTT. My kids get one present. Plus a party. Although what you've described doesn't sound very expensive.

comfybigduvet · 26/08/2015 21:55

It's up to the individual. I am not familiar with some of the names up there but it all sounds fine to me and fairly standard preteen stuff. We only get the children one thing but they get quite a lot throughout the year - don't tend to make a big fuss over birthdays/Christmas.

DurhamDurham · 26/08/2015 21:56

I think it all sounds fine, that's the type of presents and party we had for our girls when they were growing up. It must be difficult if parents have differences about it, both myself and my husband had lots of parties and a presents to open from our parents so we had similar views with regards to celebrations when we had our girls.

Flisspaps · 26/08/2015 21:57

It does seem a lot - I'd expect that much stuff at Christmas with a stocking.

What's all this business about you've gone halves on her present but you're paying for the party though?

YoureAllABunchOfBastards · 26/08/2015 21:57

If you'd said you had bought her one present costing £100 no-one would bat an eyelid.

I want flamingo fairy lights - where did you get them?

annandale · 26/08/2015 21:57

We only give one present for a birthday, but it's usually a fairly substantial one - this year I'm going to take him dry skiing with a friend and we'll go for a pizza afterwards. That will be both the present and the party, though.

I don't really see why you give so many small presents - why not just the basketball or one pair of more special earrings? I'm with your DH there, does she really want those things, in which case why not save up for them, or does she not really want them, in which case are they more about your pleasure in her having them?

Until this year I have tended to give large unmanageable parties, every year I attempt to scale it down and then let it expand again. DH has really insisted on me sticking to the smaller plan this year, not just because of cost but because I get stressed and unpleasant to them both when plans get out of hand.

If your DH thinks you are being extravagant, well he gets a say too. I'd explore it a bit more.

BeautifulBatman · 26/08/2015 21:58

To be honest, none of those presents sound v expensive so no, I don't think you have gone OTT. He's sounds a bit tight tbh.

What's thrown me the most though is going 'halves'....

timeforabrewnow · 26/08/2015 21:58

I think that what you have bought her sounds just fine, and no, not over the top - so disagreeing with the other two posters here!

Lucky girl to have a caring family - hope she has a great birthday .

AlpacaLypse · 26/08/2015 22:00

What's this stuff about going halves on presents but you pay for the party? You and DH went halves in creating her and becoming a family, so everything you spend on family life ought to be coming out of a single shared budget!

Dancingqueen17 · 26/08/2015 22:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EatDessertFirst · 26/08/2015 22:00

There is a lot of (I'm assuming) designer stuff there. Its an awful lot of presents and money for an 11 year old IMO.

Saying that, we don't do presents for our two DC as their birthdays are one year and fifty one weeks a week apart and they get a fancy joint party. We'll be milking this for all its worth .

Horses for courses. If you can afford it, then I don't see why not.

MajesticWhine · 26/08/2015 22:01

It all sounds fairly modest to me. None of those presents are obscenely large. And lovely for your DD to have lots of things to open. Honestly, compared to some people I know, it's low key - your DH has seen nothing.

RevsDeCub · 26/08/2015 22:02

I can't imagine giving an 11 year old girl just a basketball for her birthday That's a bit tight!

I think the list is fine!

RandomMess · 26/08/2015 22:03

I'm sure there are a large number of 11 year olds getting iphones and the like.

I find it odd that you are going halves tbh. We're married, they're our children, we have joint finances...

bakingaddict · 26/08/2015 22:04

It's lots of little things so I don't think it's OTT. I imagine they all came to around the £30 mark? do correct me if i'm wrong but it's similar in spend to one big present.

I was horrified when we took DS to Legoland for his 5th birthday and DH spent £120 on him in the Lego shop. I've learned my lesson now and don't let the pair of them loose in toy shops without me there to restrain their wild spending

FadedRed · 26/08/2015 22:05

Sounds fine to me, not OTT at all (providing you can afford it).

(I know this makes me old fashioned, but I don't get this separate money thing for things that are shared, like Dc's, Not that Dc's are 'things' when you are married and living together as a family)

NeedAScarfForMyGiraffe · 26/08/2015 22:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

19lottie82 · 26/08/2015 22:07

It doesn't seem a lot to me OP. As others have pointed out there are plenty of 11 year olds getting laptops and iPhones. I think that's a lovely selection of gifts. Ignore your DH!

gingerboy1912 · 26/08/2015 22:10

Sounds ok to me, how much will all the presents cost op?

Bemused at the going halves though, I've only ever met one couple who kept finances separate and went 50/50 on everything.

Pidapie · 26/08/2015 22:11

Sounds fine to me - like a "goodie bag" of lots of little things. Perhaps your husband wouldn't feel it was OTT if you got her 1 substantial, more expensive gift instead? Worth trying for Christmas. The way you organise your finances sound odd though. Surely it should be a joint effort?

WorktoLive · 26/08/2015 22:11

Doesn't sound like too much and I freely admit to being conservative about 'stuff' and spending.

But I'm also confused about the you pay/going halves.

Is she his DD too? So shouldn't her birthday be a joint expense from the family pot?

Morganly · 26/08/2015 22:11

It sounds reasonable to me and similar to what I have done with mine.

I think you are right: it's what the traditions were in your respective families that dictates what you think is reasonable now, unless you are one of those parents who want their children to have what they never had, which I don't think is unreasonable either.

So long as you can afford it, I would stick to your guns. I also think that if you disagree about expenditure, paying for the party yourself and going halves on the presents is a good compromise.

LittleBearPad · 26/08/2015 22:11

It's lots of things but equally none of them sound extravagant individually so I think they are fine. The 'going halves' but you pay for the party is odd to me though

bikeandrun · 26/08/2015 22:12

What's tight about a basketball, great present if you like basketball?

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