Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or is DH just tight/old fashioned?

138 replies

WyrdByrd · 26/08/2015 21:49

DD is 11 in a couple of weeks & today I went out birthday shopping for her. She is getting the following:

A basketball
2 pairs of silver earrings
Artemis Fowl book 2
Zoella bubble bath, body lotion & perfume
Paul Frank notecards
Flamingo fairy lights
A £10 'Love to Shop' voucher - there were a few more expensive things on her wishlist that we were a bit Hmm about but if she wants to buy them with birthday money from aunts/uncles it'll help out.

She's having 7 friends round for tea on the Friday nearest her birthday - am borrowing a set of 'photo booth' props & they'll probably watch a film & largely amuse themselves. Her best friend is staying over.

We have gone halves on most of her presents (a couple I'd picked up ad hoc earlier on the year) and I will pay for the 'party' food, paper plates etc & party bags.

DH thinks this is all OTT...again.
Every birthday & Christmas we have this argument. I think it's a case of very different upbringings, and admittedly I have got carried away a bit in the past, but I thought I'd been fairly sensible this time Confused .

Any thoughts? Am I an overindulgent spendthrift or a fairly normal mum wanting to give her DD a great birthday?

OP posts:
DogWalker75 · 26/08/2015 22:50

Not too much at all. Other people may choose to buy only one large gift, and that's fine. I think suggesting that you give your DD only one thing from the list you've given would be a bit mean!

It'd have sided with your H if you'd had listed a computer, TV, phone, iPad and a kindle, for example.

DontStopBelievin · 26/08/2015 22:51

Wonder how many people commenting have given a tablet or mobile or a mountain bike for a birthday -something costing much much much more.

Not me. Not for birthdays. That's more like a main Christmas present.

Pico2 · 26/08/2015 22:53

Sounds fine to me. I think a lot depends on your own experiences. When I was a child I had a party every year, so I say to my DD "what would you like to do for your party?" Whereas friends offer the choice of a party or a day out. Or have a party every other year. I also get DD multiple presents. Partly in an attempt to curtail buying things the rest of the time. So requests get "you can put that on your birthday or Christmas list".

NotMeNotYouNotAnyone · 26/08/2015 22:55

Not unreasonable at all! None of those things are particularly expensive, they're age appropriate, as is her "party"

Original poster
WyrdByrd · 26/08/2015 22:55

Yep, DD gets a lot of 'put it on your list' from me!

OP posts:
Dontloookbackinanger · 26/08/2015 22:57

I think it all sounds lovely -YANBU.

rollonthesummer · 26/08/2015 23:10

We have gone halves on most of her presents

That's the strangest part of your post.

That sounds like the sort of things I'd get my kids (though definitely not the ball!) I'd have got her the Sims expansion pack as well though-it was on her list and if she's anything like my DD, she'll love it.

Stompylongnose · 26/08/2015 23:11

That's fine!
My 12 year old daughter ended up with lots of little bits for her birthday and the cost was about £50. The most expensive item was a computer game (20 quid) the rest was stuff like Lush bath bomb (£3.50) and Zoella perfume (£8)

It's only OTT if you can't afford it or something.

rollonthesummer · 26/08/2015 23:13

That's a lot in my opinion. 11 year old about to have his birthday soon and he gets one present

Would you really buy your 11 year old one thing comparable to those on the OP's list though? Just one book? Or one £10 voucher?

I think they are all lovely 'bits' which put together make lots of things to open and some nice treats.

JeffsanArsehole · 26/08/2015 23:14

£65 is not a lot at all

I don't believe the one gift people spend honestly less than £65 Hmm

Not given the demographic of Mumsnet and the fact that a decent pair of leather boots is forty quid. Or a football top or ticket to one match is more.

Eva50 · 26/08/2015 23:20

I don't think that sounds too much at all. It also depends on who else they will get from. We have no grandparents left and only one auntie so I feel I need to get a few small gifts to make up. I have friends with parents and grandparents still alive and lots of siblings etc. so their children would get enough even if they didn't buy anything themselves.

ExasperatedAlmostAlways · 26/08/2015 23:22

It's definitely not alot. Mumsnet really confuses me sometimes with the answers to certain posts. None of those presents cost alot.

The bday celebrations aren't ott either.

TheOddity · 26/08/2015 23:25

Sounds totally normal to me if you can afford it. It's the same as getting a pair of jeans and a top or something. Just lots of little things instead.

I find it odd on mumsnet that on one thread you find people talking about buying overpriced skin products and £150 coats, then for the children it's a tangerine and an annual.

peggyundercrackers · 26/08/2015 23:27

I think it's a lot too, i don't buy anyone birthdays other than the kids, still little though so maybe things will change once they get older. Kids get lots of toys/presents from other relatives and it all ends up in the middle of the floor and they play with boxes - I see it as a waste of money buying all that stuff that doesn't get used.

Can't believe someone used the argument that some kids get iPhones/iPads - just because some kids get it doesn't mean it's right. When mine are older they will definitely not be getting iPhones or iPads or whatever is about at that time - it's just madness spending all that money.

nancy75 · 26/08/2015 23:31

Why is it madness to buy an iPad?
I can't believe that some people see buying toys for their kids birthday as a waste of money

WhyCantIuseTheNameIWant · 26/08/2015 23:31

Make sure the basketball is wrapped neatly!

Original poster
WyrdByrd · 26/08/2015 23:36

DD is an only child as am I so no siblings or aunts/uncles on my side. DH's parents pay for her footy season ticket in lieu of birthday/Christmas presents, his brothers are hit & miss (one usually gives her clothes that don't fit and the other is often generous but rarely on time!).

So apart from us it's just my parents and two Godparents really.

OP posts:
PandaMummyofOne · 26/08/2015 23:40

Ok looking at your list, I go way OTT! Our budget is £150 for birthday/Christmas presents, and any sale bits we pick up throughout the year to put up. No more (very strict on that) so whether DS gets 150 presents or one. That's it. Because I shop through the year it works out cheaper. Plus his special trip/party etc for his birthday.

If you can comfortably afford it then go for it. My DP is like yours, doesn't see the point, had a very different upbringing to me, and I suspect a lot less free money than my parents. It stems from that.

Neither one of you is right or wrong in this situation. Be warned though, everyone will have an opinion.

Original poster
WyrdByrd · 26/08/2015 23:40

DD has an iPad & a laptop (as I said, indulgent GPs).

I was pretty resistant about both but what she has learned from them is amazing - animation, HTML, CSS, a bit of French & Mandarin. She also keeps in touch with several friends using Skype & Facetime which is a Godsend as her two oldest friends are at different schools so term time meet ups are tricky, and her best school friend is moving overseas in a couple of months.

OP posts:
Original poster
WyrdByrd · 26/08/2015 23:45

Panda I work roughly to £50 present/s plus celebration costs for birthday (apart from her 10th she's always had parties at home or cinema/pizza with a handful of friends), and about £125 for Christmas present/s & stocking, but I'm not so strict at totting up as I go along I must admit Blush.

I think he stresses about the clutter factor of lots of small things as much as the cost tbh.

OP posts:
BestZebbie · 26/08/2015 23:46

Not actually OTT but does seem like a generous birthday - but do you 'do' birthdays or Christmas as the main gifting event in your family? As that would seem like a normal or moderate Christmas to me.

getoffthattabletnow · 26/08/2015 23:49

I have 11 year old twins and that amount of money is not excessive at all.I tend to buy a big present of anything up 100 pounds.Dh also had a strange upbringing so I have always been the present buyer for all 4 kids for birthdays and christmas.One time he sorted out christmas with one tiny toy each and a 3 foot christmas tree - never again.

Peggyundercrackers your children sound very young.Believe me 11 year old girls do not play with cardboard boxes!I don't approve of expensive gadgets and the like though.I was shocked at the number of school families who's kids had Ipad Airs this summer ( for a school project).Mine have the cheapest Nexus tablets around.

Katedotness1963 · 26/08/2015 23:51

I think your DH is tight. That all sounds perfectly reasonable to me.

Original poster
WyrdByrd · 26/08/2015 23:53

Well we agreed to the ILs getting DD a reconditioned iPad 2 for Christmas a few years back - come the day a brand new iPad 3 with retina display appeared Hmm .

The laptop came about as a result of DD saving all last year's birthday & Christmas money & my parents paying the shortfall as her Christmas present.

OP posts:
Original poster
WyrdByrd · 26/08/2015 23:55

It's reassuring that there are others who do all the birthday/Christmas stuff due to reticent slightly weird DHs Grin .

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread