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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Pregnant woman buying cigarettes

112 replies

RevsDeCub · 24/08/2015 11:23

I need to settle this debate. I am nearly 38 weeks pregnant & was nipping to the shop on my way home so phoned DP to ask did he want anything. Meaning a drink or a snack...
He asks me to buy him some cigarettes to which I point blank refuse and he goes into a bit of a strop that I won't get him some - I did smoke before pregnancy & we used to buy each other cigarettes if we were at the shop but obviously I don't smoke now! He says he 'doesn't know what the big deal is as they're not for me'.
I couldn't believe he would even ask me to buy some!! My argument is as I am heavily pregnant in my early 20s and there might even be a risk of me getting asked for ID (challenge 25 everywhere) which is embarrassing enough, but whilst pregnant I look like a terrible person for buying them. I will buy beer even though I'm not drinking it, but I see that as being slightly different.
I don't mind buying cigarettes if I'm not pregnant, so it's not that side of things it's the fact I don't want people to think I'm a heavily pregnant woman who smokes especially when I've done so well to give up cold turkey!

FYI, he is giving up smoking once baby comes as I've told him I am not letting our child be exposed to third hand smoke... But... AIBU?

OP posts:
tabulahrasa · 24/08/2015 11:26

Seeing as your objection isn't to him smoking, YABU.

Why does it matter what a random person in a shop thinks of you? I could understand refusing because you don't want to support/be involved in his smoking, but because a stranger might think you're going to smoke them is just silly.

LargeGoldAtrociousCunt · 24/08/2015 11:27

YABU.

msgrinch · 24/08/2015 11:28

Yabu

Minisoksmakehardwork · 24/08/2015 11:28

How is buying beer different? Is it because it is more likely to be seen as a "man's drink?"

I think yabu and are trying to push him into giving up before he is ready. Did you give up smoking when you found out you were pregnant, when you started ttc or before you had even thought about having children?

In future don't ask if he wants anything picking up to avoid having to get something you don't want to.

CatthiefKeith · 24/08/2015 11:29

Erm, yes you are a bit. But I probably wasn't always rational during pregnancy either! Wink

Would you buy him soft cheese, shellfish or unpasteurised milk?

wickedlazy · 24/08/2015 11:29

Yabu. Why care what people think? YOU know they aren't for you.

CultureSucksDownWords · 24/08/2015 11:29

YABU, really.

As an aside, is he really going to give up smoking when the baby is born? That's going to be somewhat more difficult than giving up now isn't it? What with being sleep deprived and knackered?

coffeeisnectar · 24/08/2015 11:29

Yes you are. And get him to start vaping before the baby comes as its a great way to quit.

00100001 · 24/08/2015 11:29

YABU

Although i would expect DP to give up smoking anyway because of the child - as even secondary smoke is harmful to you and baby.

Don't give a flying money's poo if he "only smokes outside" or "never neaer me" or whatever.

ArmySal · 24/08/2015 11:30

Does he object to buying you sanitary products if you ask? Or is he worried a stranger will think he is buying them for himself?

00100001 · 24/08/2015 11:30

Your baby already is exposed to secondary smoke.

Macadaamia · 24/08/2015 11:30

Yabu

crazypuglady · 24/08/2015 11:30

I bought my colleague fags at 30 weeks. I've never smoked. I never will smoke. I won't even stand near someone who is smoking if I can help it. I just don't really care what a cashier I've never met and will probably never meet again thinks.

One thing though, your baby is due any day and he's still smoking. If you're not going to allow your child to be exposed to third hand smoke he needs to get something in place asap. Quitting smoking is hard enough as it is, add the sleeplessness of a newborn and he might just crack Grin

Gymbunny1204 · 24/08/2015 11:32

He needs to give up now. Having a baby is stressful, that in top of nicotine withdrawal is a recipe for disaster.

Breezy1985 · 24/08/2015 11:33

YABU...
I didn't smoke whilst pregnant but if someone asked me to pick them up whilst shopping I would, I don't particularly care what some random stranger think.
Beer is no different to cigarettes either Hmm

Osolea · 24/08/2015 11:33

YABU, and a bit precious.

Surely doing a favour for the person you love and are having a child with is more important that what some random strangers might mistakenly believe?

Macadaamia · 24/08/2015 11:34

Op has all these 'yabu' settled the debate for you now?

wafflyversatile · 24/08/2015 11:35

I understand where you're coming from. Who needs the judgey looks? With beer people will quite probably dismiss it as being for a man, not you.

I suppose you could mutter something about himself not giving up yet to the cashier.

MrsItsNoworNotatAll · 24/08/2015 11:35

Yabu.

Who cares what the person serving you thinks? You know the cigs aren't for you.

Original poster
RevsDeCub · 24/08/2015 11:36

Oh I'm gutted now Hides in a corner
I really thought he was being unreasonable!

army he actually said about buying sanitary products for me, but I told him it wasn't the same...

OP posts:
MissSaigon · 24/08/2015 11:36

YANBU. I would feel exactly the same.

Original poster
RevsDeCub · 24/08/2015 11:37

& yeah I suppose I do think of beer as being more of a 'mans drink' even though I do like the odd pint! It just seems more acceptable?
Anyway, clearly I am being a bit OTT... As much as it pains me to admit it.

OP posts:
BloodyDogHairs · 24/08/2015 11:38

Ok I'll be the 1st YANBU Grin I didn't smoke but when I was pregnant my job involved doing shopping for the elderly. I alway hated when I had to buy cigarettes or walk around with a trolley full of alcohol and junk food.

TheReluctantCountess · 24/08/2015 11:40

Yanbu. I understand how you feel.

WorraLiberty · 24/08/2015 11:40

I understand how you feel, but I used to buy cigarettes for my elderly neighbour when I was pregnant.

I just used to say, "Can I have 20 Bensons for my neighbour"

I don't know why, but I always used to add the 'for my neighbour' onto the end, quite loudly Grin