Pregnant woman buying cigarettes

[RevsDeCub]

I need to settle this debate. I am nearly 38 weeks pregnant & was nipping to the shop on my way home so phoned DP to ask did he want anything. Meaning a drink or a snack...
He asks me to buy him some cigarettes to which I point blank refuse and he goes into a bit of a strop that I won't get him some - I did smoke before pregnancy & we used to buy each other cigarettes if we were at the shop but obviously I don't smoke now! He says he 'doesn't know what the big deal is as they're not for me'.
I couldn't believe he would even ask me to buy some!! My argument is as I am heavily pregnant in my early 20s and there might even be a risk of me getting asked for ID (challenge 25 everywhere) which is embarrassing enough, but whilst pregnant I look like a terrible person for buying them. I will buy beer even though I'm not drinking it, but I see that as being slightly different.
I don't mind buying cigarettes if I'm not pregnant, so it's not that side of things it's the fact I don't want people to think I'm a heavily pregnant woman who smokes especially when I've done so well to give up cold turkey!

FYI, he is giving up smoking once baby comes as I've told him I am not letting our child be exposed to third hand smoke... But... AIBU?

[ReallyFrida]

@elliesm98 You might find this interesting.

Warning Zombie

[Singsongsung]

I think YANBU at all. Buying him cigarettes is not the act of a loving partner anyway- you are effectively buying him the means to kill himself and I would never do that. Add in the fact that you are not only heavily pregnant but have also managed to kick the habit yourself and you are most definitely in the right.
I'm still smirking at the pp who said "what's the harm, it's not like you're buying drugs". Er....

[Solopower1]

YANBU imo. Really hope your husband gives up smoking asap.

[selsigfach]

I'd judge you for buying cigarettes with a bump. And ditto everyone else, he's a lying sod and no way will he give up when baby arrives if he hasn't done so already.

[Bunbaker]

YANBU. I wouldn't buy cigarettes for anyone, pregnant or not.

[Bambambini]

Once my chain smoking mum had a stroke in her 40's - i refused to buy her cigarettes too or bring them in Duty Free.

I agree that he is being selfish not stopping now when you have had to and are the one dealing with pregancy and birth.

[00100001]

I refuse to buy anyone cigarettes

[Bulbasaur]

YANBU

You're doing him a favor by not contributing to his habit. He can't possibly think that once the baby comes he's just going to magically drop it (he might, but I think he's over estimating himself a bit). Not to mention, it's going to tempt you if he keeps it up while you're still trying to stay clean.

But... if your only reason is because you're worried what other people will think, you may be a tad unreasonable. People are going to judge you for every arbitrary thing once you have the baby, I'd get used to ignoring people. Though, considering you're about ready to burst and your hormones are all over the place, I think you're entitled to being a little precious.

[noddingoff]

Well done for giving up OP. I'd be getting on his case, you have to do the difficult bit- being heavily pregnant, giving birth and probably breastfeeding, so he can jolly well toughen up and do his bit by quitting. Now.

[HaydeeofMonteCristo]

I don't think you were being U!

[Peaceloveandjammydodgers]

My sister recently asked me to buy her a lighter when I took my baby DS to the shop, and I even got a bit anxious about that, so I think YANBU. I used to smoke but quit almost five years ago. It's generally acceptable to drink small amounts in pregnancy, so I didn't feel the same embarrassment in buying alcohol, but I wouldn't have felt comfortable buying cigarettes.
But then I have crippling anxiety and overthink everything, so...

[RufusTheReindeer]

I don't think you are being unreasonable

[Bambambini]

Yanbu - half (at least) the folk saying yabu would probably be judging you if they were behind you in the shop. The comparison with sanitary pads etc is just stupid.

[FindoGask]

(he and I were both ex-smokers as well, but it definitely wasn't the time to say oh no, you mustn't)

[FindoGask]

I bought a bottle of vodka and 20 Marlboro for my husband when I was 7 months pregnant with our first daughter. He had just found out that his mum had died suddenly and was obviously in complete and total shock and he wanted a drink. I was going home to meet him - he asked me to buy them on the way there and I did, without question, but I do remember saying to the woman behind the counter "they're not for me!", so even in my distress I was worried what someone would think of me.

[CalleighDoodle]

Yanbu. There is no way in hell i would buy cigarettes for my partner ever because i just wouldnt marry a smoker. I certianly wouldnt have a baby with one. Cigarette smoke is disgusting. It stinks and it harms people around who do not smoke. the toxins and smell also stay on the skin, clothes and the walls in the room that was smoked in.

[GirlOverboard]

Who cares what some stranger in a shop thinks of you? It really shouldn't bother you so much. I would have put my partner's wishes first and not given a stuff if anyone was silently judging me. I don't think YABU as such, I just think it's a bit sad that some people are so worried about the opinions of total strangers.

[AyeAmarok]

I know Toby, but OP seems to be under the illusion that he will.

[LieselVonTwat]

YABU for thinking he's going to give up when you have the baby. If you're nearly 38 weeks, the baby will be here very soon and could arrive today. Is he really ready to quit now? Tbh I think if he was serious about giving up, it would've happened already. He's supposed to go cold turkey what, as soon as you're in labour? Not realistic.

Well done for giving up btw. Good for you.

[tobysmum77]

but aye whether he gives up or not is a separate issue. If he doesn't the op can't exactly make him he's an adult.

[tobysmum77]

yanbu at all

he can buy his own fags, problem solved

[AyeAmarok]

Everything TRex just said is spot on.

[AyeAmarok]

I would bet my bottom dollar that there is not a snowballs chance in hell that your husband will give up smoking "once the baby comes".

[Chelsielouise]

YANBU
in my opinion.
People judge and I personally wouldn't want to be in that position.
but I'm over sensitive anyway

[TRexingInAsda]

Yanbu - you're under no obligation to buy him cigs. You asked him if he wanted anything, what if he said 'a sports car', would you buy it? No. Some stuff just isn't an option and it's up to you what you buy and don't buy. And it looks bloody awful to everyone when a heavily pregnant woman buy cigs - they will assume it's for you, and judge, and cringe and feel sad for the baby etc. He can buy his bloody own.

Yabu to believe he'll give them up when the baby's here though, haha. No he won't. If he was interested in giving up he'd have done it by now. Good luck though, I hope he does.