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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think a parent and baby room isn't a sickroom?

145 replies

CigarsofthePharoahs · 24/08/2015 08:59

During the summer holidays my church has no creche or sunday school provision as numbers are low and people are on holiday.
What we do have is a small room at the back of the hall that is a parent and baby room, it even has a sign on the door saying this.
It's quite nice, comfy sofas, some toys for the little ones, a big window so you can still see the service and a speaker so you can hear it. The children can make a bit of noise if they want to without disrupting the service.
Sadly, the room is regularly used by other people as it was yesterday.
I went in with my 16 month old son after forty minutes as he was wanting to run about and be noisy. There were three people asleep in there! None of them had a small child with them.
I went in with the attitude that my son was going to be noisy so if they woke up then tough, they should have picked a better place to sleep. I was also annoyed that there wasn't room for me to sit.
One of them stirred, had a loud coughing fit and sneezed. She looked at me and said "Oh... I'll try not to cough on him."
Gee thanks!
I remarked that she really shouldn't be using the room if she was contagious and she promptly got up and pretty much ran out of the room before I could say anything else. She went to the loo.
Her sleeping friend woke up and then tried to guilt trip me into letting her friend stay as "she really wanted to hear the service."
I replied that I wasn't wonderfully keen on that as I couldn't take my son back out as he would disturb everyone and he's had two bouts of bronchiolitis in the last year and way too many head colds. He's not long over one and I'd like to keep the risk of catching any more to a minimum.
She said she'd take her friend back home - which is in the house right next door to the church hall.
Dh thinks I was right to stand my ground but I have to admit I'm wavering. Do I keep insisting the parent and baby room not be used like this or do I owe her an apology?

OP posts:
PaulAnkaTheDog · 24/08/2015 09:01

You sound rather precious tbh.

Original poster
CigarsofthePharoahs · 24/08/2015 09:02

She looked like she had the flu.

OP posts:
Puffinella · 24/08/2015 09:02

You're not unreasonable, especially if it has a sign on the door saying that that's what it's for. I wouldn't begrudge someone else using the room if they wanted a bit of a snooze, or were feeling faint or something, but if they're contagious they should be at home!

Puffinella · 24/08/2015 09:03

BTW, under normal circumstances I'd say not to worry about exposing your baby to germs, but it does sound like he's had a rough ride with colds and bronchitis, so I think in those circumstances it's fair enough.

Koalafications · 24/08/2015 09:04

She should have been at home!

WhyCantIuseTheNameIWant · 24/08/2015 09:05

Nobody should be out around people if they are contagious!

Lots of senior folk go to church. A cold can be a lot worse for them!

I don't think god will mind if you miss a service by being unwell.

The room is there so kids don't disturb the service.

They should have stayed in bed.

Sirzy · 24/08/2015 09:06

2 bouts of bronchiolitis a few colds is pretty normal stuff in the first year or so of life (I am not dismissing how horrible it is in any way by the way)

I think you were a bit rude but then she should have probably stayed at home in the first place.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 24/08/2015 09:07

If she made it to church and walked out fine, then she doesn't have the flu. Iunderstand you being annoyed but I really don't think you can bandy around your child's previous health problems to get your own way. What would you have done if their was a child in their who was ill?

Original poster
CigarsofthePharoahs · 24/08/2015 09:08

It is the first time I've actually said I wasn't happy. I have seen several people use the room to have a snooze, I'm not sure why - as soon as there's more than one child in there it can be quite noisy.
I just didn't like being guilt tripped when, by the look of her, she shouldn't have even been out of bed.

OP posts:
Osolea · 24/08/2015 09:09

That's a nice sharing, kind Christian attitude you have right there.

I don't think you owe an apology, but I do think that adults who want to hear a service have more reason to be in church than a one year old does, even if they are a little unwell.

Original poster
CigarsofthePharoahs · 24/08/2015 09:12

If my child is running with cold or flu - I don't bring him, I stay at home. If I have the flu or a bad cold, I stay at home. I mentioned his recent health history because I felt I needed to justify that it was a parent and baby room not a sick room. Also, there was no room left and another mum came in not long after. If they'd remained the room would have been ridiculously crowded.

OP posts:
Original poster
CigarsofthePharoahs · 24/08/2015 09:13

So I don't get to hear the service Osolea? She wasn't listening to the service, she was asleep!

OP posts:
PaulAnkaTheDog · 24/08/2015 09:14

Yes but what would you have said if there was a mum with a sick child?

PamBagnallsGotACollage · 24/08/2015 09:18

Why would anyone need a snooze as soon as they get to church. If you're that tired, or unwell (especially contagiously so) then stay at home and get some rest! Pretty sure God wouldn't mind.

Why does an adult have more right to be at church than a child, Os? I don't think they do, especially If they are spreading germs.

And to the PP who said a couple of bouts of bronchiolitis is normal in the first year. Of all the children I know my sons age and thereabouts, I know of two who have had even one bout. i can completely understand why the OP wouldn't want to expose her child to germs unnecessarily.

Some people have such a lax attitude to spreading germs. Stay home and leave everyone else be!

PosterEh · 24/08/2015 09:18

The parent and baby room is so the parent can still listen to the service without the child being noisy - not so the 1 year old can Osolea.
I don't think that adults should be using the parent and child room as a sleeping area regardless of whether they are sick. Perhaps you could suggest that the service is broadcast over the Internet for those who want to hear it but need to do so lying on a sofa.

Original poster
CigarsofthePharoahs · 24/08/2015 09:18

If the child was obviously sick then I'd wonder why they weren't taking them home, I have to admit. I don't know if I would say anything, it would depend on the exact circumstances. Well, I guess my church should just get used to my noisy toddler if the parent and child room is occupied.

OP posts:
PamBagnallsGotACollage · 24/08/2015 09:20

If a child was sick at a short church service surely the parent(s) (because it's not just that mothers look after their children) would just take them home? I wouldn't keep my poorly child out and about just so I could here a few prayers and a (dull) sermon.

PamBagnallsGotACollage · 24/08/2015 09:20

*hear

Osolea · 24/08/2015 09:21

Was the sleeping person elderly?

ProjectPerfect · 24/08/2015 09:23

Sharing is caring....although clearly not at your church!

What would he's a have done...

PosterEh · 24/08/2015 09:24

Sharing germs is not caring.

Marcipex · 24/08/2015 09:25

They were asleep?!
I glad you woke them, personally. How were they attending a service, asleep in a side room?
And yes, if you are ill and contagious, go home.

Mrsdoasyouwouldbedoneby · 24/08/2015 09:25

I think many people do stay away if they are ill. I tend to stay away if ill at our church because I happen to know there are several imuno-compromised people there. They don't ask that people do that tho (they are aware of the risks associated with being in a public place). One time there was a 'bug' spreading like wildfire in the local community. There was a general notice for everyone to stay away if showing symptoms and for 48 hrs afterwards. That was just sensible, and hasn't been needed since.
I don't think you were unreasonable but I think others do not always show the same curtesy we would offer. Fortunately our church has the service available on DVD/cd so anyone who kisses it can get a copy and listen in their own home! Sounds like the poor women wasn't really taking much in anyway!

Gooseberrycrumble2 · 24/08/2015 09:30

You are in the right. Tell the vicar. Make a sign for the door and ask him to tell his congregation that the room is for small children and not sick people

GloGirl · 24/08/2015 09:30

You were at Church , it should be as inclusive as possible. One of you should have been able to sit at the back of the Church.

I think when someone is poorly and wanted to go to Church and there was no one in the room with sofas in so she was able to make herself more comfortable - the Christian thing to do would be not to make passive aggressive comments about her infecting your son. Maybe go out into the pews with your son if you wanted to stay away from her.

If this is a common problem speak to someone senior at the Church see if they can reiterate it's for children but you were being very unreasonable.