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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think a parent and baby room isn't a sickroom?

145 replies

CigarsofthePharoahs · 24/08/2015 08:59

During the summer holidays my church has no creche or sunday school provision as numbers are low and people are on holiday.
What we do have is a small room at the back of the hall that is a parent and baby room, it even has a sign on the door saying this.
It's quite nice, comfy sofas, some toys for the little ones, a big window so you can still see the service and a speaker so you can hear it. The children can make a bit of noise if they want to without disrupting the service.
Sadly, the room is regularly used by other people as it was yesterday.
I went in with my 16 month old son after forty minutes as he was wanting to run about and be noisy. There were three people asleep in there! None of them had a small child with them.
I went in with the attitude that my son was going to be noisy so if they woke up then tough, they should have picked a better place to sleep. I was also annoyed that there wasn't room for me to sit.
One of them stirred, had a loud coughing fit and sneezed. She looked at me and said "Oh... I'll try not to cough on him."
Gee thanks!
I remarked that she really shouldn't be using the room if she was contagious and she promptly got up and pretty much ran out of the room before I could say anything else. She went to the loo.
Her sleeping friend woke up and then tried to guilt trip me into letting her friend stay as "she really wanted to hear the service."
I replied that I wasn't wonderfully keen on that as I couldn't take my son back out as he would disturb everyone and he's had two bouts of bronchiolitis in the last year and way too many head colds. He's not long over one and I'd like to keep the risk of catching any more to a minimum.
She said she'd take her friend back home - which is in the house right next door to the church hall.
Dh thinks I was right to stand my ground but I have to admit I'm wavering. Do I keep insisting the parent and baby room not be used like this or do I owe her an apology?

OP posts:

Twinkie1 · 24/08/2015 14:09

If you really have the flu walking is a struggle, moving hurts and breathing is fucking hard.

She did not have the flu.

It's a kids room so I'd think she'd not want to be in there because it's likely to be noisy though.

Original poster

CigarsofthePharoahs · 24/08/2015 14:14

I've had flu, I know how awful it is. I don't know if she had flu or not, but she did look very ill, it wasn't just a bit of a sniffle.

Thanks for all the input and opinions.

OP posts:

Gooseberrycrumble2 · 24/08/2015 14:21

Blaeberry - I think bring pregnant means its fine to collapse in the baby room! In my mind, being elderly and needing the comfortable chairs in the baby room and not minding baby noise would have been fine too. The issue is that the person was infectious. You can't catch pregnancy!!

Gooseberrycrumble2 · 24/08/2015 14:27

If someone turns ill whilst at church, the responsible, less selfish thing is to go home and get your partner to catch a lift later if leading prayer.

I have no respect for evangelical churches. I was bought up in one and it's twisted.

HeighHoghItsBacktoWorkIGo · 24/08/2015 14:59

I don't understand adults crashing for a nap there. Why not just stay home? Even the most devout aren't expected to go every Sunday no matter what.

WutheringTights · 24/08/2015 15:35

I think you have to find a new church. The church we attend sort of shuts down over the summer and we all decamp to our sister church for a few weeks to manage volunteer resources over both congregations. The sister church is a lot less welcoming to children: we are crammed into a small room with very little to keep toddlers amused, the door shut, no way of hearing the service and not even called for communion or the peace ( although they do manage to remember us when the collection plate is passed around). Consequently we go to alternative churches over the summer (sort of a church holiday) or we don't attend. Shame really.

Our usual church just lets the children play at the back and provides quiet(ish) toys for that purpose. The parents try to keep them quiet but a bit of notice is inevitable and no one really minds a bit of running around. The children's groups start at 2 1/2 and are very good and engaging for small ones. After all, if today's generation of children don't grow up to want to go to church, the churches won't be around in 30 or so years time.

blaeberry · 25/08/2015 14:04

Gooseberry, my point was at that stage you wouldn't know I was pregnant and I wasn't telling generally either - just looked ill due to hyperemesis (actually, I rarely made it to church at that stage). But the thread has moved on and it doesn't sound like this or similar was the case here.

Pneumometer · 25/08/2015 15:06

I grew up in this church.

It sounds to have many of the hallmarks of a cult.

Toughasoldboots · 25/08/2015 15:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sandbrook · 25/08/2015 15:18

Haven't time to rtft Cigars but it's a room for kids. Why are there adults in there without kids in the first place?

Vijac · 25/08/2015 15:23

Yanbu and I'm surprised by some of the replies. Why on earth would you go to church to sleep in the play area?! Especially if you live next door. I'm sure the priest would pop over to give communion if needed. They were probably just sleeping off a hangover. If they want they could just close their eyes in the main bit of the church. They don't need the soundproof room, unlike children. Plus the children don't need to be infected by ill people.

Toughasoldboots · 25/08/2015 15:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pootles2010 · 25/08/2015 16:29

Are you in portsmouth by any chance OP?

Original poster

CigarsofthePharoahs · 25/08/2015 16:34

Not Portsmouth, not linked to Soul Survivor. Perhaps I should have said that I attended this church whilst growing up, not that I literally grew up in the church.

OP posts:

FrenchJunebug · 25/08/2015 16:47

YABU, not a very good advert for your church or charitable, either .

Marcipex · 25/08/2015 19:41

I'm amazed that people think the op is unreasonable.

Op, I think you'll just have to let your baby disturb the congregation, wait for complaints , and then point out that the baby and child room is full of dozy adults.

Littlef00t · 25/08/2015 19:54

Am I right in thinking that crèche is usually on, so the connecting room would only be used by parents for its intended purpose at the beginning of the service until crèche starts?

In which case, could it be that a number of people had got into the habit of using the room so they are more comfortable, or if they are feeling ill etc, and aren't interrupted by parents?

In which case it will only be an issue until crèche starts up again?

If so, I'd stay in then service if Ill people in the room as its only a couple more weeks.

queenofthishouse · 25/08/2015 20:02

YANBU

I find it really weird that people were fast asleep in there though! If they are that Ill they need to be at home!!

StampyMum · 25/08/2015 20:12

I was definitely brought up to avoid church and other public places if I have a heavy cold - it's the perfect excuse to have a blankie day anyway. Tbh, I'd be just as worried about myself catching the virus - ever tried looking after a baby when you're feeling really ill??

AndNowItsSeven · 25/08/2015 20:30

They should not have been in the room op, you were in the right.

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