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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be more than slightly disturbed by SIL not giving her DS any pain relief?

240 replies

TheHouseOnTheLane · 23/08/2015 10:56

Bit of background....SIL hasn't had her son vaccinated. Not any of the injections has he had.

He's 18 months old now and tonight we had a family dinner and he has apparently been "off colour" all day. I saw him and he was burning hot....SIL says it's his teeth coming through....which it could be of course.

He was a bit limp and unhappy, wouldn't lift his head up and looked very ill to be frank...doing that constant grizzly moan thing they do when in pain...anyway...

SIL gave him some herbal teething stuff in a syrynge and DH said "Oh bit of paracetamol...that will help him" and SIL said "No it's not...I don't give him any paracetamol. He can't have that."

Hmm

AIBU to think this is bloody awful?

I've got over the issue of the injections because that is entirely her choice and me getting worried or upset won't help that at all....MIL has tried to persuede her to get him his injections but she won't budge.

But this sort of upset me...not only because it would make him feel better but because it would bring his temp down....and 18 months is so small...

OP posts:
fabuLou · 23/08/2015 10:59

I agree thats shit. He could have a febrel covulsion.

chumbler · 23/08/2015 11:00

yanbu. sounds like she's letting her principles get in the way of her responsibility as a patent

DriverSurpriseMe · 23/08/2015 11:02

Anti vaxxers and anti Calpol seem to go hand in hand.

It's incredibly cruel, letting your baby suffer like that.

iAmNicolaMurray · 23/08/2015 11:05

Yanbu. The poor little thing. Sad

I'm assuming your bil agrees with your sil? Do you know if they/she take painkillers themselves if needed?

Mermaidhair · 23/08/2015 11:07

Vaccinations aside, it sounds like neglect not giving him proper medical care. He could have any of the diseases that he has not been vaccinated against. Does she take him to the Dr ever?

iAmNicolaMurray · 23/08/2015 11:07

It's made me feel really sad actually. When they are so small and get so ill with a fever, I found it terrifying. I can't imagine denying them something I know will make them better. I was quite wary of overusing calpol myself, but would never not give it in that situation.

onecurrantbun1 · 23/08/2015 11:07

I don't know why you'd do that. I can understand keeping Calpol to a minimum - for example we try and cool them down in other ways and distract them from pain but it is a useful thing to have.

ironically if he did have a convulsion it'd be the first thing the hospital would give angrily because it should be one of the first line self remedies to bring a temp down

Lurkedforever1 · 23/08/2015 11:08

Yanbu, unless he can't have paracetamol on medical advice. Whatever wanky mother earth theories she wants to follow herself it's not on to inflict them on babies and children.

bumbleymummy · 23/08/2015 11:09

Actually,current NICE guidelines do say that you shouldn't give paracetamol simply to reduce a fever -only if it is causing discomfort (which it may have been in this case or it could have been his teeth - which the teething gel may have helped)

Lou, febrile convulsions are caused by quick rises in temperature, they often happen before a parent even realises that their child has a fever.

Palomb · 23/08/2015 11:10

Poor baby.

MummyPig24 · 23/08/2015 11:11

Poor child. As a parent surely we should do anything we can to ensure our children aren't in pain? Not giving pain relief is incredibly selfish. Does she take any painkillers?

Fatfreefaff · 23/08/2015 11:12

Not the position I would take but it is her child and her decision. But my sister and I both had measles in the 1960s before the vaccine was offered and the only fever relief offered was sponging down. I never had calpol or anything until I was an older teen despite having an awful tooth abcess at one point. Point is calpol is a relatively recent invention and plenty of us survived childhood without it. While saying that I believe it to be harmless in most cases.

Does your SIL have health issues herself that she is terrified about her child getting?

bumbleymummy · 23/08/2015 11:13

Some info about febrile convulsions

"Trying to treat the fever (such as by giving paracetamol) will not prevent a febrile convulsion."

caroldecker · 23/08/2015 11:14

Calpol does not reduce the chance of a seizure NHS guidelines although she should be treating the pain.

DriverSurpriseMe · 23/08/2015 11:14

Don't think teething gel would have helped a baby who was burning hot, limp, unhappy and grizzling, bumbley. That is more than mere discomfort IMO.

I understand the theory behind not medicating a fever, especially if the child seems otherwise untroubled by it. But to actually let your child suffer because you've convinced yourself, what, giving Calpol makes them worse? Stupid and cruel.

Roonerspism · 23/08/2015 11:14

I minimise giving Calpol. It isn't risk free and I am surprised at how often kids are given it. A fever is the body's way of fighting infection and lowering a fever changes that response. A fever is not to be feared, in itself.

My three year old has it when she absolutely needs it - about five times in her life so far. I would try to make her more comfortable in other ways first.

lorelei9 · 23/08/2015 11:17

this would make me sad too.

I wonder how long she will keep this up as well? what happens if he gets to 10 and says "but I really need a painkiller" for something?

poor wee one.

don't get me started on anti-vaxxers!

Birdsgottafly · 23/08/2015 11:20

Should he have been taken out, it's sounds as though he should of been at home, naked and with the option of cold flannels and baths.

Which would be better than paracetamol. I had to give temperature reducing medicine to mine, every winter, because they got viral infections, so I minimised the use of these.

I don't agree with not vaccinating, but we do over dose on all types of meds.

My Mum was an overdoser and the first thing she asks is "are you taking anything", even if it won't be of any benefit.

CarlaJones · 23/08/2015 11:22

Poor thing. I agree with you. Was he in bed? Sounds like he needed to be

DriverSurpriseMe · 23/08/2015 11:22

Cold flannels and baths are not recommended.

Birdsgottafly · 23/08/2015 11:23

Just to ask, did she have the option of cancelling, or would this of got a reaction from you all?

Branleuse · 23/08/2015 11:23

i think its not your business

Fairylea · 23/08/2015 11:24

I think Calpol is fantastic stuff when given when it's needed. I can't understand anyone preferring to leave a child with a fever rather than just give them some liquid paracetamol to make them feel better.

Birdsgottafly · 23/08/2015 11:24

""Cold flannels and baths are not recommended.""

To bring a high temperature down? Yes they are, as opposed to just giving paracetamol.

DriverSurpriseMe · 23/08/2015 11:25

Nope, they're not.