Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be more than slightly disturbed by SIL not giving her DS any pain relief?

240 replies

TheHouseOnTheLane · 23/08/2015 10:56

Bit of background....SIL hasn't had her son vaccinated. Not any of the injections has he had.

He's 18 months old now and tonight we had a family dinner and he has apparently been "off colour" all day. I saw him and he was burning hot....SIL says it's his teeth coming through....which it could be of course.

He was a bit limp and unhappy, wouldn't lift his head up and looked very ill to be frank...doing that constant grizzly moan thing they do when in pain...anyway...

SIL gave him some herbal teething stuff in a syrynge and DH said "Oh bit of paracetamol...that will help him" and SIL said "No it's not...I don't give him any paracetamol. He can't have that."

Hmm

AIBU to think this is bloody awful?

I've got over the issue of the injections because that is entirely her choice and me getting worried or upset won't help that at all....MIL has tried to persuede her to get him his injections but she won't budge.

But this sort of upset me...not only because it would make him feel better but because it would bring his temp down....and 18 months is so small...

OP posts:
DriverSurpriseMe · 23/08/2015 11:57

If you present with a feverish child at A&E, they will give paracetamol/ibuprofen according to the child's weight, which is way in excess of what is recommended on the box.

So you're right there, Emerald. Of course parents should not be allowed to dose their own children according to weight, but it does put things into perspective. A standard dose of paracetamol is never going to cause harm.

EmeraldKitten · 23/08/2015 12:00

I agree Driver...I don't use it for no reason but it will very rarely cause harm, even an 'overdose' by standards on the box. So I don't understand people who hand flap about it or proudly state they've only ever used it once.

bumbleymummy · 23/08/2015 12:01

I know some countries work dosage on weight rather than age guidelines which makes much more sense.

I think the NICE guidelines on treating a fever make sense - unless a doctor sees you and gives you advice specific to your child and their illness at that time. I do think some people are a bit too quick to reach for the Calpol, as others on this thread have said.

catkind · 23/08/2015 12:05

DD can't have paracetamol, it makes her throw up. I'm not sure what you mean by the limp and not lifting head thing - if there were lots of people around and DC were feeling tired and teething they'd probably be cuddled up hiding heads in someone's shoulder. You'd only discover how not limp they were if you tried to remove them from said shoulder! And probably quite warm from the cuddling. DD is also a hot little thing even when well, and it doesn't take many degrees temp difference for a child to feel "burning up". In general it makes me uneasy for someone other than the parents to be trying to judge whether a child needs calpol or not. I know I'm not there and can't see what they're like - but generally I would want to rely on a parent to know how different the behaviour is from normal and what will best help the child. For DD usually bm was the best and quickest way to get her to sleep it off.

But ... like you OP I'd worry about the parents' general reluctance to accept medical care if the child really seemed ill and they weren't doing anything.

sherazade · 23/08/2015 12:05

YABU. I'm a bit wary of threads like this. Most mothers in their right frame of mind know when their child needs some sort of medical intervention. It is clear you're already judging her by providing backstory about the vaccinations. And am wary because the current trend is to carry sachets of calpol around and give it at the slightest hint of a temperature, many of my acquaintances go through bottles of the stuff. My mum was of the 'give them calpol' school of thought but I prefer to use it sparingly. Some of the herbal alternatives for teething are very effective.

DriverSurpriseMe · 23/08/2015 12:08

How about we agree that handing out spoonfuls of Calpol like sweeties AND never giving Calpol are equally shit?

Original poster
TheHouseOnTheLane · 23/08/2015 12:08

Sherazade But I said clearly that SIL will never give him Calpol or anything like that. SHe's against it you see. That's not the same as me saying "Ooh he should have had a dose!" about a more balanced Mother.

OP posts:
bumbleymummy · 23/08/2015 12:12

We use Disprol instead of Calpol.

LieselVonTwat · 23/08/2015 12:23

YANBU. It's all very well people talking about some parents over-medicating, which of course is true, but that has nothing to do with what's happening here and isn't a reason to never give paracetamol either.

DriverSurpriseMe · 23/08/2015 12:25

Totally agree Liesel. I don't understand why some people are saying they're wary of Calpol because some people over medicate. Like somehow you have to redress the balance by not medicating. Strange logic.

bumbleymummy · 23/08/2015 12:28

I don't think people are saying they are wary/don't use much paracetamol because some people over use it.

DriverSurpriseMe · 23/08/2015 12:33

Well sherazade did.

LieselVonTwat · 23/08/2015 12:35

Well, sherazade said she's wary because of what she perceives to be a current trend of over-medicating. In any case, none of the people who've mentioned other parents over-using Calpol have managed a coherent reason why that's relevant to this scenario.

VirginiaTonic · 23/08/2015 12:36

Sounds like the child was just a bit uncomfortable rather than actually in pain. Teething is unlikely to cause actual 'pain', it's just not that nice, and a high temperature makes you feel a bit rubbish, it isn't painful though.

I think too many parents are too quick to give calpol. I know someone who gives their child calpol every time they fall down, stub their toe, cut their finger etc. Ridiculous.

I would only give calpol if my child was unable to sleep because of pain, had a very high temperature and was clearly distressed. The same with myself, a slight cold, sore throat, mild headache etc don't get medicated as the damage it can cause isn't worth the benefits in most cases.

NobodyLivesHere · 23/08/2015 12:42

I rarely give my kids calpol either. even if they have a fever. this doesn't make me shit. if someone has a temperature it generally means the body is working to fight an illness, the reason we get a temperature in the first place is because our cells heat up when fighting infection, by reducing that temperature you are stopping the bodies ability to fight the infection. unless it is very high I dont give calpol. so sue me.

Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 23/08/2015 12:47

Id be more worried about the lack of vaccinations DD has a friend who also hasnt had any, yet travels the world... they are heavily relying on the masses to protect their children. Its quite mad!

DriverSurpriseMe · 23/08/2015 12:50

Teething is unlikely to cause actual 'pain', it's just not that nice

REALLY?

Because tooth/gum pain is pretty horrendous as an adult. And for a baby, blunt objects (especially molars) gradually shearing through tough gum tissue sounds terribly painful to me.

So many people willing to downplay their children's suffering. And to what end, really? So far, I haven't seen any "anti Calpol" posters actually explain how they think their child is benefiting?

Original poster
TheHouseOnTheLane · 23/08/2015 12:53

virginia I said that SIL "thought" it was teething. There's no way to tell though is there? He hadn't got red cheeks and wasn't drooling. To me, it looked worse than "a bit uncomfortable" as you put it. He looked in pain and miserable.

OP posts:
NotAWhaleOmeletteInSight · 23/08/2015 12:54

I think your SIL is irresponsible. I have an 18mo and give Calpol occasionally, as needed, eg for a particularly bad bout of teething pain. It's part of my job as the parent to safeguard my child's health! In the same way I would always seek medical help if needed.

Not getting a child vaccinated is inexcusable and a form of neglect, in my opinion. It's not just incredibly unfair of her to leave her own child vulnerable, but it risks the health of others too. Very young, not yet vaccinated babies, those with compromised immune systems, pregnant women etc. Selfish, bad parenting.

I read an article the other day about Australian kindergartens not accepting children who aren't vaccinated. Damn right.

sanfairyanne · 23/08/2015 12:55

giving a medicine is introducing risk so its up to the ones who give calpol like sweeties to justify themselves, not the ones who dont

(french meds are done by weight btw - much more sensible)

NobodyLivesHere · 23/08/2015 12:56

driver read my post. the body NEEDS to be hot to fight whatever is causing the temperature.

EmeraldKitten · 23/08/2015 13:01

Teething doesn't cause pain? Really?

Let me stick a pin straight through your gum and you tell me if it hurts Hmm

Ds1 has recently got two of his top back teeth through (he's 7, I think that's quite early?)

Anyway, he was bloody miserable for a couple of days, and he had calpol. This is a child who has fallen over, put his teeth through his lip really badly (blood everywhere) and jumped up and carried on. He doesn't moan about anything usually but he was definitely in pain while they were coming through.

FayKorgasm · 23/08/2015 13:03

It sounds like he was quite ill with more than just teething. Silly irresponsible woman.

Original poster
TheHouseOnTheLane · 23/08/2015 13:04

Emerald yes...my DD is also that age and she was grumpy as hell when hers came out. It does hurt. But the thing here is that SIL didn't know for sure that's what was going on. He might just have a bug...some other form of discomfort.

I worry about him due to the lack of immunisation too....he's my nephew so obviously I love him. :(

OP posts:
Rinoachicken · 23/08/2015 13:05

sanfairy - giving a medicine is introducing risk

Hmm err what?

Swipe left for the next trending thread