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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be more than slightly disturbed by SIL not giving her DS any pain relief?

240 replies

TheHouseOnTheLane · 23/08/2015 10:56

Bit of background....SIL hasn't had her son vaccinated. Not any of the injections has he had.

He's 18 months old now and tonight we had a family dinner and he has apparently been "off colour" all day. I saw him and he was burning hot....SIL says it's his teeth coming through....which it could be of course.

He was a bit limp and unhappy, wouldn't lift his head up and looked very ill to be frank...doing that constant grizzly moan thing they do when in pain...anyway...

SIL gave him some herbal teething stuff in a syrynge and DH said "Oh bit of paracetamol...that will help him" and SIL said "No it's not...I don't give him any paracetamol. He can't have that."

Hmm

AIBU to think this is bloody awful?

I've got over the issue of the injections because that is entirely her choice and me getting worried or upset won't help that at all....MIL has tried to persuede her to get him his injections but she won't budge.

But this sort of upset me...not only because it would make him feel better but because it would bring his temp down....and 18 months is so small...

OP posts:
sanfairyanne · 23/08/2015 13:06

yes, there can be quite serious risks eg my child has a long term chronic kidney condition linked to ibuprofen use. or just the increase in asthma with calpol.

bumbleymummy · 23/08/2015 13:06

I didn't read Sherazade's post with that meaning. I don't think she is wary of using it herself simply because some people use a lot of it. I read it as her being wary of what the OP was saying about the boy needing Calpol because many people over use it and therefore may think a child needs Calpol when it may not.

NobodyLivesHere · 23/08/2015 13:07

all medicines have side effects rinoachicken i'm assuming thats what sanfairy means.

sanfairyanne · 23/08/2015 13:07

oh did you mean i shpuld have said 'pain medication' or something similar?

Original poster
TheHouseOnTheLane · 23/08/2015 13:19

SanFairy so would you not give calpol to a toddler in obvious pain who had a temp?

OP posts:
sanfairyanne · 23/08/2015 13:27

yeah i might but i wouldnt rush and i wouldnt think twice about anyone who didnt

sanfairyanne · 23/08/2015 13:28

i dont ever give ibuprofen though, to any of my kids, no matter how much pain they are in. a medical professional can make that call if necessary (never needed so far)

NeedsAsockamnesty · 23/08/2015 13:31

Vaccinations are not her choice. What about her sons choice ffs? Does he not get a choice about possible complications around some of those infections that will affect him for the rest of his life? I don't care if he is 18mths and cannot advocate for himself but some people are just bloody stupid!

What a ridiculous post. Of course 18 month olds don't get a choice they do not have the capacity to have one, that's why they have parents to make choices for them.

Sometimes these choices may not be the same as another parent would chose but as things stand in the UK at the moment vaccines are parental choice up until the age when a child can consent for themselves.

DriverSurpriseMe · 23/08/2015 13:42

driver read my post. the body NEEDS to be hot to fight whatever is causing the temperature.

I know this. I know that there is a school of thought that says medicating fevers causes a child to be sicker for longer.

HOWEVER, that does not mean "never medicate a fever". That is, IMO, a misinterpretation of the science. Because if you think not medicating is essential to fight the virus, children who ARE medicated wouldn't get better, would they?

Fact is, all viruses are essentially self limiting, and medicating/not medicating makes no real difference to the length and the severity of the illness. Not really. All you're doing, by withholding medicine from a child in pain or a child in distress (I'm not talking about children with low fevers who aren't feeling unwell) is making your kid suffer, through some arrogant belief that a little bit of paracetamol is bad.

Sidge · 23/08/2015 13:45

Calpol or no Calpol, a limp, hot, quiet and floppy baby/toddler needs to be seen by a medical professional, especially if not drinking.

Children can go downhill rapidly, it might just be teething but conversely it might be something more serious.

Sidge · 23/08/2015 13:46

Oh and a fever is a symptom not a cause.

A fever in itself isn't something to worry about unduly, but accompanied by symptoms such as pain and lethargy should be investigated.

OddBoots · 23/08/2015 13:50

I'm not anti-vax and I have used paracetamol for my children but it does worry me how quickly some people medicate.

Short term we know paracetamol and ibuprofen are generally safe but it is very hard to see the longer term implications. If it only recently that studies have implicated paracetamol in pregnancy in causing low testosterone in male babies. It's important to weigh up the risks as best we can before deciding to give any medications.

ShadowLine · 23/08/2015 13:51

sanfairy's right in that all medicines carry the risk of possible side-effects, some of which can be very serious.

It's all about balancing the risk of taking the medicine against the benefits of taking it. I've given my DC Calpol if they've been ill and appear to be in pain, because then I think the benefit outweighs the risks, but I agree that it shouldn't be handed out like sweeties.

I'm surprised that Calpol and Ibuprofen aren't advised for bringing down fevers to prevent febrile convulsions though. I took DS1 to the GP about 2 - 3 yrs ago when he was poorly. His temperature was over 40 deg C when the GP checked him, and she was adamant that I should give him both Calpol and Ibuprofen ASAP because of the risk of febrile convulsions, and then bring him back to her in a few hours to check how his temperature was then.

NewLife4Me · 23/08/2015 13:54

I'm not anti-vax and I have used paracetamol for my children but it does worry me how quickly some people medicate.

Ditto. I only gave it as a last resort after trying everything else.
I think some people forget that medication is poison.

XiCi · 23/08/2015 13:55

I think people are far too quick to give calpol. It's stored for a long time in the liver and also very easy to give too high a dose. I've only given it to dd on a couple of occasions. As others have said using Calpol to reduce a temp can actually prolong an illness as the fever is the body's way of killing the bacteria . My dd had a high temp recently and this was the advice I was given by the Dr.As others have said it sounds like he should have been resting at home with cold flannel etc
I don't agree with not vaccinating though

DriverSurpriseMe · 23/08/2015 13:56

I think some people forget that medication is poison.

Oh, good lord.

NobodyLivesHere · 23/08/2015 13:57

Im not saying NEVER medicate, but i rarely do, only if they are sick enough to need medical attention.
I think its arrogant to assume you know a child better than its mother. she seems happy enough that he is teething and doesn't need it. its not the OPs business. same with the vaccination thing.

BoffinMum · 23/08/2015 14:01

Experientially in my sample of four offspring on probably 20 occasions in total I have found a tepid bath followed by bed in a nappy or pj bottoms covered by a single cotton sheet unless it's a heatwave has reduced fever by approximately 1-2 degrees F. Why wouldn't it?!

Original poster
TheHouseOnTheLane · 23/08/2015 14:01

can we not discuss anymore how SOME people over medicate. It's not relevant in this case I don't think.

OP posts:
AboutTimeIChangedMyNameAgain · 23/08/2015 14:02

Calpol or no Calpol, a limp, hot, quiet and floppy baby/toddler needs to be seen by a medical professional, especially if not drinking

^^ This.

And should she do if her ds was in hospital? Refuse all meds?

Original poster
TheHouseOnTheLane · 23/08/2015 14:02

Boffin upthread someone explained how that approach can acutally raise the core body temp.

OP posts:
BoffinMum · 23/08/2015 14:05

House, I think it depends whether the bath is the right temp, which needs to be fractionally below body temp but not too much.

As I say, published studies of trials on bathing temperatures for children with fevers seem few and far between!

AboutTimeIChangedMyNameAgain · 23/08/2015 14:15

Tepid sponging hasn't been recommended for years.

BoffinMum · 23/08/2015 14:19

I haven't mentioned tepid sponging. You must be confusing me with someone else.

SmillasSenseOfSnow · 23/08/2015 14:24

Experientially in my sample of four offspring on probably 20 occasions in total I have found a tepid bath followed by bed in a nappy or pj bottoms covered by a single cotton sheet unless it's a heatwave has reduced fever by approximately 1-2 degrees F. Why wouldn't it?!

My limited training in fevers makes me believe that they are triggered by a shift in the body's inner thermostat making the body think it needs to be several degrees hotter than usual. If you cool that down superficially then you're not treating the fever. At best the temp will just keep going right back up, at worst you'll make the temperature deep in the body rise to compensate for the cooler temperature you're causing on the surface, putting your child's organs in worse danger.