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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be more than slightly disturbed by SIL not giving her DS any pain relief?

240 replies

TheHouseOnTheLane · 23/08/2015 10:56

Bit of background....SIL hasn't had her son vaccinated. Not any of the injections has he had.

He's 18 months old now and tonight we had a family dinner and he has apparently been "off colour" all day. I saw him and he was burning hot....SIL says it's his teeth coming through....which it could be of course.

He was a bit limp and unhappy, wouldn't lift his head up and looked very ill to be frank...doing that constant grizzly moan thing they do when in pain...anyway...

SIL gave him some herbal teething stuff in a syrynge and DH said "Oh bit of paracetamol...that will help him" and SIL said "No it's not...I don't give him any paracetamol. He can't have that."

Hmm

AIBU to think this is bloody awful?

I've got over the issue of the injections because that is entirely her choice and me getting worried or upset won't help that at all....MIL has tried to persuede her to get him his injections but she won't budge.

But this sort of upset me...not only because it would make him feel better but because it would bring his temp down....and 18 months is so small...

OP posts:
DrLego · 23/08/2015 21:39

Calpol does not reduce chance of febrile convulsions even in children who have had them previously. Some would suggest giving it is much more harmful than not. It should be administered carefully and only when truly required. I'm more appalled we dish it out like candy. OP I believe your friend is trying to do the best for her child. You are entitled to disagree, but she had not refused him medical attention. Calpol is a toxic substance not just some strawberry flavoured fairy juice and there is very sparse evidence it is ever beneficial. For your reference look up Tylenol in the US.

Girlfriend36 · 23/08/2015 21:39

To not seek medical attention for an ill child or to give them medicine that could ease their suffering is neglectful. Putting ideology above a childs needs is also neglectful.

if that makes me over dramatic or trivial, I can sleep at night knowing if my dd needs pain relief I will give it to her.

PatrickPolarBear · 23/08/2015 21:50

Really Nobody? You know doctors who don't vaccinate their kids at all?? I call total BS on that. You're welcome to post a link to a doctor's blog or website or info who openly admits to not vaccinating their kids at all. And I mean a real doctor, not someone who has a certificate in kinesiology. And for ideological reasons, not an extremely rare case of a valid medical problem.

Anyone who doesn't vaccinate their kids at all - not on alternative schedules or at different ages but not at all - is a loon in my book and the book of 95% of people I think you'll find. A complete and utter uneducated idiot loon. End of.

Anyway please do carry on. No intention to derail this thread by getting into the lunatic world of the anti-vaxxers.

DrLego · 23/08/2015 21:55

Fever in itself is not harmful. By medicating illnesses are prolonged. Fever kills bugs. If the child is very uncomfortable yes pain relief can be given. But that won't actually help the underlying problem. It is very hard for parents to know when to escalate care and some leave it too late precisely because they dose kids at home. OP says it was the first day he had been like this. This to me is not at all neglectful as long as care is escalated when it becomes apparent it is necessary. Not giving calpol is rather sensible unless really indicated.

bumbleymummy · 23/08/2015 21:59

Patrick, some people have some very good reasons for not vaccinating their children. They are not uneducated or 'loons'. I suggest you inform yourself a bit more before you make such sweeping statements.

unlucky83 · 23/08/2015 22:01

Ithink -they aren't actually 'better' - they might seem like they are but their bodies are still fighting the virus etc. Calpol hasn't killed it -just taken away some discomfort - child's body will be fighting it -probably for longer ...
A bit like what you said earlier about headaches - paracetamol hasn't done anything for your headache but masked the pain...it hasn't stopped a migraine (arguable ibruprofen may have helped as it is anti-inflamatory -really not sure). If I was suffering frequent headaches I'd want to know why -not just regularly block the symptoms...unless of course I knew why and there was nothing to be done ...then I would happily take them.

cherrybakewelltart · 23/08/2015 22:08

My dd had a febrile convulsion, not because we hadn't given her cal pol but because a family member gave her a bath.

In general they are harmless. Of course there are exceptions and can have complications, but they're rare and you can say that about any illness. People die from having a cold, but we wouldn't say they are dangerous.

LittlePeasMummy1 · 23/08/2015 22:19

What the paracetamol in pregnancy study this year actually showed was that castrated male mice who received implants of fetal testicular tissue and then a week of paracetamol had lower testosterone levels than equivalent male mice without paracetamol. There's a fair bit of extrapolating to be done to assume that the same applies to human pregnant women.

Roonerspism · 23/08/2015 22:25

I'm a bit Shock at the poster who thinks it's great that Calpol has a sick child back to running around the house again.

Has it ever occurred to you that the body might want to rest? To conserve energy to fight the infection or virus? A fever and a tired child is perfectly normal and falsely changing that with syrupy, coloured paracetomol isn't always sensible.

kittensinmydinner · 23/08/2015 22:29

'Not loons' for not vaccinating ??? I worked in a Burmese refugee camp in Thailand throughout the 90's where Mmr (either in multiple or single) vaccination was not available until we arrived.... I saw the result of measles. NEVER would I risk my dcs to this. Inmho people who subscribe to this utter nonsense have obviously no idea what horror measles mumps and rubella can wreak. See it for yourselves and then then say your stupid ideas are worth the risk. Don't even get me started on this, makes me SO ANGRY

BertrandRussell · 23/08/2015 22:40

Just a warning to everyone. Don't engage with bumblymummy about vaccination. She is an anti vaxx campaigner and has wasted a lot of people's time on a lot of threads with her carefully honed rhetoric. She will deny this. Ignore her denials.

KERALA1 · 23/08/2015 22:43

My grandmother was made deaf by measles.

Dh contracted mumps in his twenties from the tube probably was incredibly ill weeks off work and had the stress of being told he was likely rendered infertile as he had that strain. Told me on our second date bless. He wasn't but awful avoidable episode in his life. Agree with kittens.

AboutTimeIChangedMyNameAgain · 23/08/2015 22:49

I haven't mentioned tepid sponging. You must be confusing me with someone else

Why did you think I was responding to you?

bumbleymummy · 23/08/2015 23:18

Ignore Bert. She does not know what she is talking about.

Kittens, no, not loons. There are some very well educated MNers who will be happy to explain why they haven't vaccinated their children. Most of them are old enough to have direct experience of measles, mumps and rubella. There is no point in derailing this thread though.

ShadowLine · 23/08/2015 23:20

I'm sure I read a news article a while back that said that if you take painkillers for headaches too often, you can end up in a situation where the painkillers make the headaches worse. I can't remember if it said that the painkillers were causing the headaches, or if it was withdrawal from the painkillers that was causing the headaches.

Lurkedforever1 · 23/08/2015 23:39

I can only assume some posters have never experienced real toothache, or they wouldn't calmly be saying a teething baby doesn't need it for pain.

Off topic but agree re loon anti- vaxxers. Utter madness.

PatrickPolarBear · 23/08/2015 23:46

Nope, sorry, bumble. Unless there are valid medical reasons and the lack of vaccination is approved by a medical doctor, then non-vaccinating parents are loons. I am well-informed and educated on these matters already. No debate to be had I'm afraid. Facts are facts.

Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 23/08/2015 23:53

There are a lot of immigrants arriving daily, if illegal they wont be on the radar,many are from poverty with out the means to vaccinate (not getting into rights and wrongs) but that alone should worry some parents. Even known risks can be missed. Better to vaccinate and not rely on the health of those around you. Measles is nasty as is whooping cough.

VirginiaTonic · 23/08/2015 23:54

But toothache and teething are not the same sort of pain are theyLurked? We have all cut teeth. The only teeth I ever really noticed coming through were the wisdom teeth, and they were just a bit tender, that was all. I have seen lots of teething babies, they never really act as if in pain, just a bit cranky, a bit grumpy, a bit not themselves. I have seen babies in pain, and they scream!!!

bumbleymummy · 23/08/2015 23:55

"Unless there are valid medical reasons..."

Well I'm glad you moved from your " Anyone who doesn't vaccinate their kid ... is a loon" position.

PatrickPolarBear · 23/08/2015 23:59

Yep, kittens, my mother had measles and was left partially deaf for life afterwards. There was a measles outbreak near where I live in the U.S. recently and it was a huge stress for us as we have a baby

bumbleymummy · 24/08/2015 00:01

Wasn't there an article recently about teething pain? I thought I read something during the week and I can't seem to find it Confused Anyone else?

ShadowLine · 24/08/2015 00:03

Teething doesn't always cause pain, Lurked.

Given that my DC carried on as normal when they were teething - no noticeable changes in sleeping patterns, appetite, temperament or playfulness, the only noticeable change was more drooling - I'm as confident as i can be that they weren't in any pain while teething.

Some babies may well be feeling pain or discomfort when teething, but not all of them. And there's no point in giving a teething baby who appears well and happy Calpol or other painkillers simply because they're teething.

Lurkedforever1 · 24/08/2015 00:15

virginia my wisdom teeth coming through were far more painful than some fractures I've had. Dd has also injured herself, not had pain relief and suprised a&e staff by the fact she says it doesn't even hurt. Nevertheless teething she did need pain relief.
I'm not condoning dosing them up for any reason, or suggesting all teething babies always need it. But it certainly shouldn't be ruled out because it's only teething.

Lurkedforever1 · 24/08/2015 00:17

Where did I say it always causes pain and all teething babies need it shadow?

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