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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

ABU to be really cross that dd has plucked her eyebrows?

147 replies

NoonarAgain · 22/08/2015 22:36

She is 13 and has attacked them with tweezers. they were really beautiful and shapely and now they are short, uneven and rectangular. i get my eye brows threaded but her were so naturally beautiful i said no to her having it done.

i have taught her to shave her armpits and wax her legs for her (on her request) but i have said no to the eyebrows. i am also now saying no to thick black eyeliner which has crept in over the last 10 days. i don't want her to look 16!

she seemed to think its my fault for saying no to the threading. are parents not allowed to say no to anything these days??

i hope they grow back.

aibu to have some sort of make up confiscating punishment?
wwyd?

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 22/08/2015 22:39

Fucking up your own eyebrows is a rite of passage, isn't it?

My almost 13yr old DS fucked his up too. He was sadly 'blessed' with thick, bushy eyebrows from my Dad's side of the family (as was I).

I told him once they grow back, I'll see about threading.

reallybadidea · 22/08/2015 22:42

Well they're her eyebrows aren't they? And they will grow back. YABVU to consider punishing her.

UrethraFranklin1 · 22/08/2015 22:43

They are her eyebrows not yours. Punishing her for removing her own body hair seems rather bizarre, especially when you've encouraged and supervised the removal of other body hair.

Mulligrubs · 22/08/2015 22:43

Well, she did ask you and you said no even though they're her eyebrows. How you felt about how they looked is irrelevant - she wasn't happy with them.

As Worra says, fucking up your eyebrows is a rite of passage anyway, many of us have done it!

They will grow back but if she keeps messing them up once they do they may become permanently patchy so perhaps teaching her how to do them or taking her to get them threaded may be an option.

Original poster

NoonarAgain · 22/08/2015 22:43

my friends's mum's never grew back, though!

they look bad now and they were lovely. i'm worried she'll try and 'even them up'.

i think i will let have to let her have them threaded when they grow back, just to try to undo the damage to the shape, but will make her pay for it.

OP posts:

Lauren15 · 22/08/2015 22:44

Oh dear. I think having crap eyebrows is punishment enough for anyone! Take her to a professional when hers have grown in.

ImperialBlether · 22/08/2015 22:44

Let them grow back and take her to have them threaded.

And stop complaining about eye liner - that's part of the fun of being 13 for goodness sake! Leave her be and never, ever tell her she looks awful.

msgrinch · 22/08/2015 22:44

yabvu to think of punishing her, you can't punish her for removing hair from her own body! She asked to get them threaded (a reasonable request), you refused so she did it herself.

Mulligrubs · 22/08/2015 22:44

Just to add YWBVU to punish her for this. You can't say "oh it's OK to remove some hair from your body but not other hair"

scarlets · 22/08/2015 22:44

I cut my own fringe as a teen. That did not end well. Joan of Arc.

Her brows, like my fringe, will grow back and she definitely won't make the same mistake again! Don't worry.

At least she's not wearing these bizarre painted on drag-queen brows that girls seem to like these days.

Scarydinosaurs · 22/08/2015 22:44

Her eyebrows belong to her. Did you not want to do your eyebrows at her age??

GamerCh1ck · 22/08/2015 22:45

They're her eyebrows.

Tell her to leave them alone and you'll take her for threading when they've grown back as you've said. Then say no more on the matter. She's chosen her path with regards to body hair.

OddlyLogical · 22/08/2015 22:46

You can't pick and choose which hair she is allowed to remove based on what you think suits her. It's her body.

YesIleftthebastard · 22/08/2015 22:49

This is tame. When I was 13, I thought I was very clever and put hair removing cream on my brows. 'Twas not a good look and Mother was pissed off with me for pinching her Nair from the bathroom cupboard. She said I looked like an idiot and that was punishment enough. Besides that I had no brows for weeks and was very sore.

Original poster

NoonarAgain · 22/08/2015 22:50

sorry x posts

i haven't encouraged the removal of other body hair. i stepped in to stop hacking herself to bits with a razor and listened to her when she said the leg hair made her self conscious.

if her eye brows were really bushy i'd have let her but as they were beautifully shaped anyway i didn't think she'd do this. she only asked once about the threading and that was only cos her friend was having hers done.

are parents not allowed to just say no to things occasionally??

OP posts:

RachelZoe · 22/08/2015 22:51

They're her eyebrows. You can understand why she went against you surely, you said waxing her legs was fine but not having her eyebrows threaded

She will live and learn, they will grow back, it is very rarely the case that people pluck and nothing comes back. If she gets them threaded nicely she can follow the shape from there with her tweezers.

As for the eyeliner, she will never learn what does look good if she doesn't get to experiment, you do know you don't get to decide what she looks like right?

bettyberry · 22/08/2015 22:51

Take a photo and Tell her it will come out on her wedding day. Punishment enough

Ludways · 22/08/2015 22:54

13 is pretty standard for starting to pluck, that's about the same age I did. Oh god, what a bloody mess I made first off, lol

LazyLohan · 22/08/2015 22:55

I would take her to a professional to see if you can get them sorted out this time.

Can you afford for her to get them done professionally otherwise? If not agree to help her do it a few times. Show her some tutorials on YouTube. Get her some decent kit, a good tweezer and magnifying mirror. There are also some quite good template and waxing products available.

I can understand you not wanting her to wear make up and appear older. But the thing with the eyebrows doesn't really have that logic behind it as it won't make her appear older and make things more risky. It's simply that you prefer them aesthetically and really it's not your voice.

LazyLohan · 22/08/2015 22:56

Choice! Ffs!

WorraLiberty · 22/08/2015 22:56

they look bad now and they were lovely. i'm worried she'll try and 'even them up'

If you're worried about this, then help her to even them up yourself.

Of course parents 'are allowed to say no', but this is one of those situations where you should really pick your battles.

They're just eyebrows. You liked them, she didn't.

MayHemm · 22/08/2015 22:58

If it were me, I would just explain that over-plucking the brows now can lead to them being patchy and sparse when you're older, and you don't want her to have that problem. I'm 24 and plucked my brows waaay too thin and far apart when I was in my teens - I have been consciously leaving them alone since early 2012 and the innermost parts are still patchy, although better than they were.

Maybe you could supervise/help her tweeze them in future so she doesn't overdo it? YWBU to punish her for it though - it's her body and you don't get to decide what she does with it. At the end of the day they're only eyebrows!

SuburbanRhonda · 22/08/2015 22:58

If you were ok about her removing underarm and leg hair, why are you so bothered about her plucking her eyebrows?

Original poster

NoonarAgain · 22/08/2015 22:59

the things is, rachel, i think i do get some say about her appearance re how much make up a 13 year old is allowed to wear.

i have listened to her and responded re the leg wax etc.

on the day of the threading request, she rang me up from town when i was at work (teaching) to ask if she could have her eye brows threaded as her friend was allowed to have hers done. i was cross that she'd rung me at work for a non emergency and said 'no'. i explained later that day what my reasons were. neither of us have mentioned it since. its not like i ignored her cries for eye brow help!!

OP posts:

ImperialBlether · 22/08/2015 23:04

But you did ignore her cries for help!

She phoned you to ask if they could be threaded - you were cross and said no. You explained your point of view - did she? Did you let her?

You know what? Pick your battles. These are her eyebrows. If they are awful, she's the one having to put up with them. Your idea of beautiful eyebrows will be different to hers - you are approaching middle age (sorry!) and she is very young. If she asked to have them lasered off, then yes, you would be right as that's a permanent change. Tell her she can have them threaded but you want to be there, if that helps you.

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