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AIBU?

ABU to be really cross that dd has plucked her eyebrows?

147 replies

NoonarAgain · 22/08/2015 22:36

She is 13 and has attacked them with tweezers. they were really beautiful and shapely and now they are short, uneven and rectangular. i get my eye brows threaded but her were so naturally beautiful i said no to her having it done.

i have taught her to shave her armpits and wax her legs for her (on her request) but i have said no to the eyebrows. i am also now saying no to thick black eyeliner which has crept in over the last 10 days. i don't want her to look 16!

she seemed to think its my fault for saying no to the threading. are parents not allowed to say no to anything these days??

i hope they grow back.

aibu to have some sort of make up confiscating punishment?
wwyd?

OP posts:

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Faye12345 · 23/08/2015 14:27

I got my eyebrows waxed professionally from 13 the reason my mum let me was because my older sister destroyed hers and they have never grown back properly because once you start etc. Maybe agree she has to grow them then she can get them waxed??

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nicestrongtea · 23/08/2015 14:39

Sorry but Im eyerolling at the fact you like her eyebrows how they are.
My DM said the same to me < they looked like caterpillars>
Shutting her down with "they look fine" is awful OP.

I was told my hair was "fine"
It was mousey and boring and ended up blue, green and with shaved sides in 1979.
Im baffled as to why "grooming" is seen as a "new" thing.
I also used to be sewn into my jeans

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Kickedinthetits · 23/08/2015 14:46

Hmm. I think your distinction between eyebrows and other body hair is rather arbitrary. You deemed it ok to wax her hairy legs because she was self conscious. You would not deem it ok to thread her eyebrows because you felt they were already beautifully shaped.

So it seems like a mixed message- on the one hand, her feelings about her body image come first and on the other hand YOUR feelings about her body / aesthetic outweigh hers. Does that mean if you had felt that her leg hair was rather lovely, you wouldn't have allowed it? It will be hard for her to grasp why one is ok but the other isn't.

I do understand you feeling a bit disappointed but the thing is... it's not all about what you think. Yes your are allowed to patent and yes I can definitely understand you not wanting your 13 year old to wear make up like a 16 year old. But at the moment your boundaries seem a it confused. How about having a nice chat with her about these things, listen to her, explain your position and lay down a set of rules which you feel are consistent?

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diddl · 23/08/2015 14:52

So you get your eyebrows threaded into a look that you like, but your 13yr old can't have hers threaded as she would like, hers must also look how you would like them to?

Well, that was never going to work, was it?!

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GnocchiGnocchiWhosThere · 23/08/2015 15:14

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fluffyears · 23/08/2015 15:21

Oh yes the hacking eyebrows into an awful shape is a rite of passage (unfortunately I had a passport photo with mine so had to see them again and again for the next 10 years). My mum has never plucked her eyebrows so was clueless a
She has perfect eyebrows naturally and minimal body hair. I took my dads eyebrows and had a monobrow at school and have excess body hair that I fight. Luckily when I told my mum I wanted to shave legs and armpits she was fine with it and bought me. Safety razor thing. I wore god awful make up but she never commented just let me find out what worked and what didn't. Let her grow up a bit and be able to come to you. Never give a flat out no just explain why you feel that way. Luckily my brows grew back as they are so fucking monstrous nothing can stop the buggers.

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nicestrongtea · 23/08/2015 15:43

My DM once told me I looked nice .
I was wearing a sort of 50s outfit, gingham shirt, red lips and a sort of quiffy pony tail.

I stomped upstairs and ripped it all off!

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HamaTime · 23/08/2015 15:57

My mother did the mocking thing Mermaid

"I don't know why she's drawing attention to herself with that bra/hat/lipstick etc." as I walked around with my arm across my DD chest to stop my tits from hurting.

To this day is someone comes on TV with a hat on she'll talk over them on the assumption that anyone who follows and sort of trend is a dickhead. She rigorously conforms to her own tribes uniform of M&S pastel trousers and floral blouse. It's fine for the Queen or similar to wear a hat, but that is all.

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Bulbasaur · 23/08/2015 16:00

Punish her for what? The ridiculous shaping will be enough until they grow back.

Messing up your own eyebrows is par the course with plucking it's how you learn to do it correctly the next time. They'll grow back.

In the mean time either teach her or refer her to some youtube videos so she knows how to do it correctly next time.

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nicestrongtea · 23/08/2015 16:08

Awww Hama Im sorry
I went through that as well, humiliating me in front of other relatives, pointing out my flaws/body changes/imagined flaws in front of everyone.

She also stares at/ body shames other people all the time.

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ladycardamom · 23/08/2015 16:10

Are you sure they are beautifully shaped? DM used to say that to me too, I'm sure she meant well but they clearly weren't.

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FlowersAndShit · 23/08/2015 16:11

Pick your battles OP

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Pidapie · 23/08/2015 16:19

YABU, it's up to her what she does with her eyebrows. It's perfectly normal to experiment. However if you take her to get them threaded or whatever, atleast you know she will have a decent result :P Her punishment is her now ugly eyebrows.

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nemno · 23/08/2015 16:29

One of my less fond memories of my mum is her reaction to my eyebrow-tweezering efforts at age 13. If she'd actually punished me as well; my gosh I can only imagine how much I'd have hated her for it .

By 13/14 no DD believes her mother when she tries to reassure her re the DD's looks.

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nooka · 23/08/2015 17:57

I really don't see why going with one cultural pressure means you have to go with them all. I have bought my dd special razors, veet and other stuff because she wanted to shave/remove her underarm/leg hair. I'd much rather she didn't feel the pressure to do either, but I recognise that she does (I don't personally do either). I certainly wouldn't take her to a beauty salon! She is already beautiful and doesn't need messing around with.

It's like people seem to think that once you have made any compromise you have to go the whole hog.

Birdsgotafly what evidence do you have that beauty rituals were a lovely bonding experience before the Victoria era in the UK? It may well be the case that Asian/Indian women groom themselves for reasons that are entirely benign, but as far as I can see in the West they seem to be much more of a women you are ugly and disgusting sort yourself out (and give us your money too of course)

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nooka · 23/08/2015 18:10

Oh and referencing a post way down this thread do all women really do things to their eyebrows? I've never done anything to mine, and I can't say I've noticed anyone in my life do anything much to their either. My eyebrows pretty much just sit on my face, what maintenance do they they need?

I certainly would not have imagined that eyebrow plucking would have featured in my teenagers life at 13, it would have really surprised me to be asked or to come home to a hatched job! We did have a discussion about it a month or two ago (dd is 15 in a week or two) but that was mostly about how painful it sounds.

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Dadistired1 · 23/08/2015 20:03

My daughter has very thin eyebrows, she wants them thicker, so does not pluck at all. The don't look any thicker just messy. My step daughter has thick eyebrows, wants them thinner and plucks frequently. Girls just can't get eyebrows right can they.

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Mrsjayy · 23/08/2015 21:33

Fwiw ive never touched my eyebrows they are not very thick and an ok shape i just think if girls are unhappy with their eyebrows and want to tidy them reshape them whatever then its ok to let them and if it saves them hacking at them then a 10 minute trip to get them waxed its just the same as a haircut imo

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Mrsjayy · 23/08/2015 21:36

Friends dd has those hd eye brows boy are they something but she is happy with them i just think they look like small furry animals on her face

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LindyHemming · 24/08/2015 06:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mrsjayy · 24/08/2015 10:55

Euphemia

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BuggersMuddle · 27/08/2015 00:07

Other than this crazy trend for comedy eyebrows (there are some younger staff who I struggle to take seriously in person, but manage perfectly well on the phone due to not so much eyebrows as EYEBROWS), I can't fathom this.

Some of us (me) are shit at eyebrow grooming. My DM took me to the beautician as a treat (for a wedding) at 13 for a light tint and tidy up. We both agreed it looked great and removed the need for piles of make-up (probably her aim). Feminism and body hair wasn't such a thing then I suppose (pre-Hollywood wax for sure).

I had friends whose parents policed image (usually in a way that ended up with them looking dodgy tbf), including:

Banning of anti-perspirant pre-16 (friend smelled)
Banning of any and all hair removal (friend was hairy and is now wax obsessed)
Refusing plucking of the monobrow (eyebrow carnage didn't grow back, friend has those make-up tattoos)

My mum wasn't perfect, but I still think one of the best things she did for me in terms of helping me socially was taking me to that beautician.

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