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ABU to be really cross that dd has plucked her eyebrows?

147 replies

NoonarAgain · 22/08/2015 22:36

She is 13 and has attacked them with tweezers. they were really beautiful and shapely and now they are short, uneven and rectangular. i get my eye brows threaded but her were so naturally beautiful i said no to her having it done.

i have taught her to shave her armpits and wax her legs for her (on her request) but i have said no to the eyebrows. i am also now saying no to thick black eyeliner which has crept in over the last 10 days. i don't want her to look 16!

she seemed to think its my fault for saying no to the threading. are parents not allowed to say no to anything these days??

i hope they grow back.

aibu to have some sort of make up confiscating punishment?

OP posts:
Ilovetorrentialrain · 23/08/2015 00:27

OP I'm really surprised at the pasting you've received on here over this. I'd say you're not unreasonable to feel cross and I don't understand how some posters can't see how eyebrows are a different subject entirely from other body hair removal.

To answer your question (WWYD), I'd probably have a chat along the lines that the hasty call to you at work does not constitute a full discussion and you couldn't give her question the proper consideration and response. As well as it being inappropriate to call you at work. However explain issues with over plucking etc, and that she has lovely shaped brows naturally but if they are making her unhappy then you will talk about threading.

The very over plucked then drawn back on look is a fashion, and those change...

TheOddity · 23/08/2015 00:44

Did you ever think she broached it over the phone as didn't have the courage to ask face to face or thought you might be more likely to say yes while busy and distracted? You can't be sure it wasn't something she'd been thinking about obsessing over for a while. Did you never do that kind of thing with your mum? Did you feel your mum knew everything that was on your mind and bothering you about your appearance or did you sometimes feel a bit shut out or misunderstood? Those are pretty typical feelings for a 13 year old. Don't be cross, you will push her away.

Canyouforgiveher · 23/08/2015 00:50

Of course you can feel cross/sad. My 15 year old is likely to cut off her lovely hair any day now. I will be sad (and maybe cross) when she does. It is her hair but I have a reaction to it.

My friend cut off her eyelashes with a scissors. Her mother cried.

Your dd is 13 - everything will grow back just as nice as ever. If I did a botch job on my eyebrows now, I'd be left with it forever.

itsbetterthanabox · 23/08/2015 00:52

Ilovetorrential no that's isn't at all what is fashionable. Full and dark but defined and angular brows are in fashion and have been for a while.
Op so what if she was self conscious or just fancied doing them on a whim. It makes no difference. It's her body and you want to experiment with looks and fashion at that age.
I shaved half my hair off and dyed it black, wore terrible thick raccoon eyeliner, plucked my brows super thin and wore black lipstick! It's what you do as a teen. Why do you care what her makeup looks like?

bringthenoise · 23/08/2015 01:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fabellini · 23/08/2015 01:17

Eyebrows. Byebrows. Grin

ProcrastinatorGeneral · 23/08/2015 01:54

The elderspawn and I have had makeup discussions and we've banned sharpie brows and manga mascara, at 12.5 years she old is happy to accept they look a bit daft until you're bloody good at applying the slap and is beetling away and figuring out what other things work for her instead. It's a decent enough compromise that means I don't laugh hysterically every time she emerges from her room. So far this summer there has been pink tinted hair (thank you la riche) and a variety of scary looking lipsticks.

You didn't bother compromising though. You just laid down the banhammer and will now probably never have your daughter's trust on matters of facial colouring in again. Enjoy that, for all it could have been avoided.

kali110 · 23/08/2015 01:59

You thought they were the perfect shape and length, but she did not and theyre her eyebrows.
Yes you can have some control over a 13yo appearance but not her eyebrows.

nooka · 23/08/2015 02:13

My dd has lovely eyebrows, really shapely and just right for her face. If she chopped them up or tweezered them I would be really sad. I'd not punish her because it's better to suffer the consequences and they will (hopefully) grow back.

However I'd not reward her with beauticians appointments etc. Not that I'd think that was a reward personally (sounds grim to me!). The OP's dd is 13 and her eyebrows are fine. Why should the OP have to pay for something completely unnecessary?

shadowfax07 · 23/08/2015 02:33

My niece wasn't happy with her eyebrows at about the same age, I tidied them up for her with my sister's blessing. They still looked natural, I just plucked the stray hairs underneath to define her eyebrows a bit more. I really do feel that YWBU in just saying no, could you not have asked if you could discuss it later?

Solo · 23/08/2015 02:45

My Mum said I couldn't shave my legs or pluck my monobrow eyebrows, because "I don't do it and you don't need to" Hmm except that my Mum hasn't got or ever had dark hairy or even hairy legs at all or thick/dark eyebrows as I did. So I took it upon myself at about 14 to sort both out. The result of the brows was good at first, but Mum told me if I did it again, she'd shave them off. Of course she didn't, but I went thinner and thinner which made me look clown like with eye shadows and highlighters in 70's blue and green shades but over the next 4 years, I learned what suited me.

Your Dd will learn, but you have to let her. I wouldn't punish her; she's going to be ripped apart when she's back at school! and that's punishment enough don't you think?

blibblobblub · 23/08/2015 03:55

Jesus don't punish her for it. If she's really gone to town and they genuinely do look bad then punishing her is only going to make her feel like dirt.

Mermaidhair · 23/08/2015 04:29

I'm with you op. 13 is still so young, you told her no and she ignored you. I would be upset to.

Mermaidhair · 23/08/2015 04:30

And I would not be allowing dark eyeliner at 13 either.

LindyHemming · 23/08/2015 04:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FuckOffJeffrey · 23/08/2015 05:29

I also shaved my whole arms once because I didn't know any better...

I done this too. My arm hair sticks up in all directions now.

OP I know you are upset and YANBU to be upset, however YABU to punish her. She is 13 and it's part and parcel of being a teenager. She needs to learn from her own mistakes when it comes to make up and removing body hair. Maybe talk to her about the risk of the eyebrow hair not growing back in if she over plucks and show her how to properly fill in the current disaster over plucked brows with powder or an eyeliner pencil.

Scoobydoo8 · 23/08/2015 06:30

I would say that this is prob the start of your DD wearing fashions/ make up/ hairstyles that you dislike. My DDs chose dire 'fashionable' clothes at that age which did the least to flatter them. Not much you can do imo.

MillionToOneChances · 23/08/2015 06:43

Can't believe the flack you're getting for not entering into trivial conversations with your teen whilst teaching! I assume she knows it's emergencies only. And the dubious looks about her not being in school - hardly astonishing that her term dates are different!

No punishment, but she'll have to live with it until they're (hopefully) grown enough to shape and then wait for them to get back to normal. Natural consequences.

MischiefInTheWind · 23/08/2015 07:36

You need to file it in the 'Shit Happens' category, help her sort them out when they grow back and brace yourself for the next exciting installment.
Because it will be along soon. My DD is 24, the memories have yet to fade. Grin

Spartans · 23/08/2015 07:47

Personally I thibk Yabu. As a parent you can say no. As your child gets older, it's not always the end of the converstation.

It's her body. She should be able to do what she wants to her eyebrows at that age. You allow her to remove other body hair but insist her eyebrows don't ned threading. Buts that's your opinion. She obviously felt differently. How she feels about it is more important than your opinion on it.

As you daughter gets older she will do more and more without your permission. She should have autonomy over her own body as least.

jobrum · 23/08/2015 07:58

She'll feel v awkward while they grow back but I think perhaps you should show her how to pluck them a bit to keep them tidy. Maybe look through some magazines at eyebrows she admires (!), and she might notuce how many women have full eyebrows now. Explain that plucking one or to hairs can work wonders and that she has no need to thread if there really is no need to have it done. I can see why you want to punish her as she went againt what you said but yabu to here.

chrome100 · 23/08/2015 08:07

YABU. She's 13, not a baby. I massacred my eyebrows from that age until about 18 when I could pay to have them done properly. I wished my mum had helped me more.

queenrollo · 23/08/2015 08:13

I had the look of Frida Kahlo as a teen and was desperate to sort them out.
If i let them grow now I realise they aren't that bad - but when I was 13 I was very self conscious of them. I didn't know how to approach my mum about it, and had no money of my own so I used my dad's razor to deal with them.
My friend let this piece of info slip in front of my mum, who was quite rightly horrified.
She promptly went out and bought me tweezers and a mirror and sat and showed me how to pluck them.

She's going to keep doing it regardless of any efforts on your part to stop her.
You might not want her to - or feel it's necessary...but she clearly doesn't feel the same.
Use this as a bonding experience....encourage her to let them grow back and then take her to have the threading she wanted in the first place.

As for the eyeliner....i just took mine to school/youth club and plastered it on there instead. With peer pressure, and natural teenage curiosity the face plastering is going to happen...

Purplepoodle · 23/08/2015 08:49

I did it. Get an eyebrow pencil and a tutorial until they grow back then go and get them done together. Could you compromise on black eyeliner once a week on a Saturday?

Purplepoodle · 23/08/2015 08:50

My mum took my for a couple of make up tutorials which helped with the plastering.

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