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AIBU?

ABU to be really cross that dd has plucked her eyebrows?

147 replies

NoonarAgain · 22/08/2015 22:36

She is 13 and has attacked them with tweezers. they were really beautiful and shapely and now they are short, uneven and rectangular. i get my eye brows threaded but her were so naturally beautiful i said no to her having it done.

i have taught her to shave her armpits and wax her legs for her (on her request) but i have said no to the eyebrows. i am also now saying no to thick black eyeliner which has crept in over the last 10 days. i don't want her to look 16!

she seemed to think its my fault for saying no to the threading. are parents not allowed to say no to anything these days??

i hope they grow back.

aibu to have some sort of make up confiscating punishment?
wwyd?

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NoonarAgain · 23/08/2015 10:19

Thanks star Dusty! Although I don't think Spartans would agree with you,Nash I'm guessing the comparison with her own mother wasn't a compliment!

OP posts:

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NoonarAgain · 23/08/2015 10:19

'As I'm guessing'

OP posts:

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fabuLou · 23/08/2015 10:23

They are her eyebrows, shes 13 not 5! I kind of agree with her about the threading.

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KellyElly · 23/08/2015 10:23

My mother said no to shaving, plucking eyebrows and wouldn't even let me wear tampons at that age. I just went ahead and did all behind her back with my friends anyway. It was a shame that she couldn't have been more understanding and think back to when she was 13. I definitely won't be making these mistakes with my own daughter. Pick you battles OP, or you'll just end up with a child that won't confide in you and go behind your back.

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MischiefInTheWind · 23/08/2015 10:23

I don't see the difference either, but I'm not a make-up/plucker/shaver and DD is.
I just see you starting the journey with her into the teenage years and wondering what else she and the future have in store for you. And if you will learn to pick your battles or just be 'really cross' about everything she does that doesn't mesh with your opinions and plans.
What does her dad think?

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Floisme · 23/08/2015 10:24

Parenting a teenage daughter is very different from managing a class of 30+. Of course you still need rules and boundaries but personally I think trying to control eyebrows and make up is unnecessary, counter productive and to be honest, a bit silly. Don't worry, there will be many other opportunities to say 'no' in years to come.

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GnocchiGnocchiWhosThere · 23/08/2015 10:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Spartans · 23/08/2015 10:28

It wasn't a compliment neither was it is meant as a put down. It's simply a fact.

Many posters have said the same happened to them. Not sure why you singled me out.

I just don't get why you are happy for her when she wants to conform on the leg hair issue, but not the brows.

As pp said I hate that personal grooming are seen as sexualising. When for thousands of years it was normal and nothing of the sort.

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stardusty5 · 23/08/2015 10:29

I agree with you that ideally she would feel fantastic and totally at ease with every aspect of herself, and have no desire to alter herself in any way but sadly only a lucky few feel like that, and most grow into it with age.

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Oliversmumsarmy · 23/08/2015 10:30

Plucked my eyebrows severely around that age. They never grew back. In my mid 50s now I have a few stragglers that have gone grey so as my dc say I look like I have no eyebrows.
Shaved my combable arm hair. around that age. It too has never grown back. So be warned something's do not grow back once gone.

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Hulababy · 23/08/2015 10:32

For me it comes under the whole pick your battles stuff. It's her hair, so ultimate her choice.

To me it's no different to wanting to remove hair from legs or under arm.

And id rather they were done properly and nicely than them doing themselves and making a mess.

Dd is 13 and has hers threaded every so often - 3/4 times a year so not that often but when she feels like it. Had them done for past year or so.

Not too much make up yet but she does on occasion. Again, if it's not at school then I let her get on with it and will help when requested - I'd rather she did it nicely than make a mess.

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Spartans · 23/08/2015 10:33

Oh and despite the eyebrow fisasco, I love my mum. She is great, she isn't perfect. But none of us are.

Eyebrow gate did not ruin our relationship .....my family still laugh about it now.

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stardusty5 · 23/08/2015 10:33

Spartans- do you you agree that parents have a role in helping their children know where the line between personal grooming and sexualising is? Or would you give full autonomy over your teenager's appearance and let them learn from experience?

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starlight2007 · 23/08/2015 10:34

I think at 13 punishment would be completely the wrong thing...I would have a conversation about how she feels about them now...How getting it wrong they don't grow back.

I think at 13 they do so want to fit in..My friends DD had gorgeous blonde hair at that age and dyed it brown because all her friends had brown hair..mum was a bit devestated however she knew it wasn't her hair..

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GnocchiGnocchiWhosThere · 23/08/2015 10:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Spartans · 23/08/2015 10:47

Yes I agree star

As I said before, I discuss these issues with dd. Regarding anything.

The decision to get her ears pierced lasted 4 years.

Dd is also aware that even though these things are labelled as sexualising, they have also been done for thousands of years and this is a modern point of view.

My job is to guide, not to enforce my decisions or opinions of her own body on to her. I believe teaching our children about their own bodily autonomy starts very young. I don't believe we can teach our children they must do as we say (not as we do since the op also gets her eyebrows done) until they are well into their teenage years then expect them to just wake up one day understanding their body is theirs to do as they wish with.

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SuburbanRhonda · 23/08/2015 10:55

OP, I didn't miss the point about Inset.

I posted that I was surprised you answered the phone while teaching, and another poster said you may have been on an Inset day. I replied to that poster saying that no, you stated clearly that you were teaching when you go the phone call from your DD.

she rang me up from town when i was at work (teaching) to ask if she could have her eye brows threaded

You then clarified that you didn't answer the call while teaching but you checked your phone at break time. No confusion there.

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fascicle · 23/08/2015 11:03

I support the removal of body hair that is causing someone to feel self conscious as a result of being under societal pressure to be less hairy. I don't like the way this is, but accept it.

Is that why you have your eyebrows threaded?

I do not support the removal of eye brows for a 13 yo to conform to specific fashion 'look'

Instead, you were expecting your daughter to conform to your beauty preferences for her (at odds with your own eyebrow maintainance regime).

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Oliversmumsarmy · 23/08/2015 11:03

Well actually I was talking about the hair on my arms, not my arm pit hair but now you mention it I only actually shave my pits about twice a year. My hair, nails etc don't really grow at the same rate as other people's.

My hair needs cutting. It has been over a year (April 2014) since I went to the hairdressers.

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MrsItsNoworNotatAll · 23/08/2015 11:38

Some snotty replies here. Good grief!

Op. I probably would have reacted in the same way. My eldest dd is just a bit younger than yours and is becoming interested in make up. Don't know where this has come from as I don't wear any at all. I don't really like her wearing it but I've realised that saying no to this will only result in wearing it anyway so I've agreed, reluctantly, to her applying some very lightly and so far we're both happy with this.

Well I would be happier still if she didn't wear it all as she doesn't need it she's lovely without it. But I can well see me having a fit if she were to pile it on.

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SuburbanRhonda · 23/08/2015 11:58

mrsnow

If your eldest DD is 13 she is almost certainly beyond the stage where she's influenced by your choices. Her interest in makeup will have come from her peers.

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areyoubeingserviced · 23/08/2015 11:59

My 13 year old dd came to me about three months ago to ask if she could have her eyebrows threaded. My initial instinct was to refuse to allow this. Dh was opposed to it as well.
Then I remembered that at the age of 12 I hated my eyebrows and would have loved to get them waxed .
So I allowed my dd to thread her eyebrows; in fact we go together and it has been a great bonding experience.

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OddlyLogical · 23/08/2015 12:21

are parents not allowed to just say no to things occasionally??
Yes of course you can, but don't expect total conformity from a teenager if your no is unreasonable.
And she didn't actually go against your no. She asked if she could have them threaded, you said no, she didn't get them done.
Because you said no to that, she tweezered them instead.

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MrsItsNoworNotatAll · 23/08/2015 12:26

She's nearly 12. I agree her interest in it has come from her peers. Her close friends wear lipstick and a touch of mascara and the like. I can cope with this, but I'm afraid I wouldn't be happy if she were to trowel it on like I've some of her classmates have.

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Mrsjayy · 23/08/2015 12:45

My eldest dd shaved some of her eyebrows off at 11 i didnt even know they bothered her if she had come to me and said i hate them or whatever id have helped her sort out whatever was bothering her about them she said they were to bushy and kids were teasing her im not 1 for conforming but I do think our teenagers need to feel comfortable in their skin shaving leg hair is no different from plucking/waxing/threading eyebrows imo.

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